Chari Dietzler
  • Female
  • Black River Falls, WI
  • United States
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About Me:
Grandmother of 9, mother of 4, single parent for most of their lives. Took care of mom at the end of her life due to Alzheimers. I quit my jobs to do this.
About my Loss:
Mom was always taking care of everyone else. She took care of my brother when he was dying of cancer until almost the end. She gave up her apartment and got rid of all her things to take care of him, so it was natural for me to take her in and subsequently lose my home, and eventually lose my job. I thankfully did get paid to care for her, at least for 40 hours a week. This allowed us to have money to do things together. She was glued to me... we were joined at the hip as they say. I didn't have any respite care when the Alzheimers got bad. I still took her with me everywhere and when she couldn't go, we didn't go. I knew that the income from caring for her was going to end with her death, but I thought I would surely be able to get my other jobs back. It has been nearly a year and a half since she passed and I still cannot work. I cannot do much of anything. I injured myself during her last few falls and had no insurance for the last few years of her illness. I got no unemployment or help of any kind since she passed. I have no income what so ever. How was I supposed to keep going after my last paychecks. I recently had to go to court to explain why I didn't turn in her annual review as I was also her guardian. Well, I discovered that as I was going through her paperwork, her reciepts, her doctor visits, medicine copays.. I became more and more distressed. I never made it to the last month of her life. I was having to relive every minute of her life and her death. I lived every second of her pain as she could no longer eat or drink. When she no longer could take her medicine, I lived every minute of her withdrawal just as I had when she went through it. In court, I explained this and was given an extension to complete this paperwork. This was a painful thing to acknowlege. I am still deeply in grief. I still go to bed each night begging to be with her. I do not want to be here without her. I isn't about the money.. or the job. I thought that was it. But I realized that was only a a manifestation of my guilt.
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I started out with companies who just checked up on whether I was doing cares for mom, but in the end we went independent. This is why I had no insurance or unemployment benefits. I was left on my own.

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At 12:55am on February 27, 2012, Lisa S. said…

i just saw your other comment.it sounds like u and your mom were verry close.i think people with alzheimers remember the distant past pretty clearly,and even sometimes feel like they are there.when your mom saw you,and called you"mommy".it was probly like she was seeing you as you and her were when u were a kid.i bet it made her so happy.thats nice:)

At 12:49am on February 27, 2012, Lisa S. said…

i kno,i wish the sorrow would end too.it's ok anytime u just want to join a group and vent or write a blog about what ur going through.i've really gone on some tangents ,and i found people to b verry kind and receptive.sometimes i dont even have the energy to type though.hope ur doin ok tonight.~hugs~

At 2:59pm on February 26, 2012, Lisa S. said…

sorry to hear about your mother.it was so good of u to care for her.i hope u will find some comfort here

 
 
 

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