Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
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Hi Brittany, I sent you some messages on chat. I'm very sorry for your loss. It is still so early for you so I'm sure you might still be in shock over what has happened. I believe Kyle will send you signs. This happened for me a lot in those first few months, at least that's what I choose to believe. I felt things that I can't explain with my whole heart and soul and that brought me some comfort. I tried to keep myself busy by writing down all the special memories we shared, things we laughed at together, special things about him that made my heart beat faster. Sometimes I will go back and read those journals just to feel close to him.
You are so young- I am a few years older than you- and one of the hardest parts of losing a love at a young age is the isolation. None of my friends have been through this so many avoided me in fear of upsetting by bringing up his name. It has been extremely hard to watch other people live their lives while I live in hell and pain missing the person who made me so giddy. I still have bad days and it's almost two years since he has been gone.
Therapy is good for something like this. This forum is also helpful and supportive if you feel your friends and family cannot relate.
My advice is cry when you need to. Don't hold in the hurt, that will only make it worse. Try talking to him. Print any pictures of him and make a memory box, anything to preserve the memory of him.
Hugs to you.
Oh Brittany, I am so sorry. I lost two dear ones in a very sudden traumatic way and felt the same thing with the second one. I knew something was wrong -- I went running to the hospital... I just knew. And he was already gone. So, yes I understand. But no... nobody else really knows what your grief process will be like. Try to sleep, try to walk through each day the best you can. Whatever you need to do, do it. don't be surprised if you feel like he is right there with you sometimes. Don't be surprised if you look up and notice that a pencil has moved -- and you didn't move it! Or something else has changed in your environment and it wasn't you who did it. He will leave you a sign, somehow, someway, to let you know that he is okay. Now you have to be as okay as you can be. Nobody else in your peer group at your age will really be able to understand. That's okay. Who would want them to have to go through this to understand? But just know that he made you different, your love made you different, and losing him this way has made you different now. Take as much care of yourself as you can. therapy, massages, whatever it takes. It's tough. And know.. that somewhere...he still loves you very very much.
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