Hi Bree,  I am on a few different "loss" sites here, and I noticed your comments.  I lost my Mother almost 4 years ago.  I lost my Dad 9 years ago, and a brother (younger) to suicide 6 years ago.  When I thought it couldn't be worse, my husband of 33 years got Pancreatic Cancer and died on 12/28/14.  I am not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me, or one up you.  I just want you to know that I understand loss.  My Mother's death was really avoidable, and I haven't forgiven the members of my family because they stopped looking after her and let her health go downhill.  Ironically, they seemed to feel that I was partially at fault, despite the fact that I live 1000 miles away from them (and my mother).  It has been a difficult thing to come to terms with for sure.  I think most Mother's and daughters have a special relationship and to emphasize this I have to tell you that I have 9 brothers.  They really showed me how much they disliked that relationship after she died, and treated me very badly.  I was so grief-stricken for almost 2 years that I could barely manage to get through life.  My husband tried to be supportive, but I felt many things.  I was angry, heartbroken, empty.  I felt orphaned...I think when you have lost both parents, this is natural.  Finally, with the love of my husband and son, and some good grief counseling I managed to pull myself back to a more normal point.  I had some acceptance of the great loss, but found it to be less something that seemed to rule my life.   Needless to say, I have had even worse occur in my life since.  Even to the point where I wished I could just not be here anymore.  But, you do have your children.  I hope, and this is not always true, that they need you and love you.  Perhaps you have grandchildren too.  All of these things are still there.  I often wish I had had more children, especially now that my husband is gone (he was only 58).  Unfortunately you have a long road ahead of you.  But I can tell you that you will eventually feel better.  The loss will be with you forever, but your life will achieve some type of normalcy.  It will be different, and perhaps you will turn more to others for comfort.  I'm so sorry for your loss; and I understand what you are going through.  It is much to soon to expect yourself to have smooth sailing!  It's OK to feel the grief, and to cry, scream into your pillow, etc.  It will help in the long run.  Take care and please know you can send me a message if you would like to talk (I have no one but my son to talk to most of the time).  I would be happy to be a listener, or a shoulder to cry on. :-).  Take care of yourself, and remember to sleep, and eat as you have other people who love you and need you.