Ashley Nicole Trotter
  • Female
  • Melfa, VA
  • United States
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About Me:
im a mother to a beautiful baby girl named zoey...she is my world...im 24 years old...my daughter will be 2 on December 21...I like singing, dancing, writing, and playing guitar...I go to college and am majoring in radiology...and I work full time as a security guard at the moment.
About my Loss:
When I was 18, I was in my final exams for school and I was a senior...well I was called into the principal's office and when I went in there my old youth pastor, his wife, my principal, my godmom, my mom's friend, all of my assistant principals, and my guidance counselors were there...they sat me down and calmly explained to me that my mom was dead...I had just moved out two weeks before and hadn't seen her in a week and just found out I wasn't going to see her again...I was speechless...I couldn't cry and held the pain in but at night I would cry myself to sleep or have dreams of her saying it was all my fault...she died one week before my graduation...I never was able to see her to say good bye because her body was too rigored to have a viewing...it took 3 days for anyone to know she was dead...we didn't end on the best of terms and I would give anything to take it back!!! she was my everything...I still feel so lost without having her here to help guide me...they said that she died from going into a diabetic coma...but I know better...you see I took care of her from the time I was 5 years old making sure she took her insulin and all...and if her sugar got too high I was always there to make sure she was seen by the doctor...well when I went back to the house to pack up all the belongings I saw shoelaces that were tied together that looked like she tried to strangle her self with...there was vomit all over the floor with a bunch of pills in it which look like she tried to overdose...basically she killed herself the most effective way she could think of and didn't take her meds...I feel like its all my fault because if I had been there like I always was it wouldn't have happened...and I left the worst part out...in her journal was a note addressed to me saying if you're reading this im already gone...I thought the pain would get better but with time but it hasn't it just feels like I have learned to lock it up better but its weighing my heart down...I am afraid to fall in love because when I lost my mom it destroyed my world...I love my daughter with all I have in me. i am terrified everyday that something will happen to her...and I feel like I have this big hole in my heart where my mom left me...I miss her soooo very much...more than most know...im hoping this website will help me
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dream moon JO B posted a blog post

Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Dec 2, 2024
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