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Comment by Elynn m on December 14, 2017 at 8:57pm

My friend just lost her husband before Thanksgiving.   I'm trying to reach out to her, because I know how she feels, but she does not seem to want to respond.  She's keeping very busy!  I feel bad for her, but I guess she has to go through it.  I did the same thing for awhile after Joe dued.

Comment by Elynn m on December 14, 2017 at 8:54pm

Thank you, Linda for posting that.   

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2017 at 2:59pm

Alice,

I am so sorry, I know you holidays will never be the same again, we just make the best of it. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2017 at 6:07am

Morgan & Paul,

I feel exactly like you do, I wish I could sleep the holidays away, I find no joy in them, it's just another day I am being tortured.

Comment by Paul on December 14, 2017 at 2:40am

Morgan,

As hard as it is for the rest of us to endure the upcoming holidays it must be at least doubly difficult for you given the circumstances your husband and you were dealt with. 

To everyone here who has put up with this hell for multiple years, you have my ultimate respect. This will be my first holiday season without my wife and I know it's going to suck.

Comment by morgan on December 13, 2017 at 9:01pm

Paul,  In particular this time of the year everyone who hasn't lost their love is celebrating.  I used to be one of them. Then one day a long time ago, I took my sick husband to the hospital Xmas Eve day and found out the day after Xmas that he had six to nine months to live (stage 4 cancer). He lived 27 days.   

I cannot only not celebrate but even after this long (almost five years) I am not able to even associate with people who are, no matter how much I might try to fake it.  I have quit trying.  Now I draw into myself and hope like hell I don't have to live through one more year of these tortuous celebratory times.  Not one more month.  Not one more day.

I never would have thought my brain would rebel at wanting to live.  I practiced yoga.  I ate healthy.  I had a great job doing international business.  Now, I am dead inside.  All I want is for him to come to me and take me wherever he is.  

Yes, I keep extremely busy.  To the extent that I have tried to suppress some of the grief my system dishes out I have endured  but my system has decided to take a different tack.  In the beginning I was losing hair by the handfuls.  Many other things too numerous to mention happened in between.  Now I have come to find out that my immune system has attacked my joints and I am being crippled by rheumatoid arthritis.  

My grief prefers a slow agonizing death.  A slow tortuous path that still keeps me alive and breathing but not really living.  My grief is a mean ravaging beast that has turned all of my joy to sadness.  All of what I had.....I am now bereft.  Because the only thing that ever counted was him.  No one in my family or most friends cant understand it.  They cannot understand my history of 35 years of marriage and 55 years of knowing this man has been erased.  Gone. Vanished.  And they want me to fix it.  How?  And really, just give me one good damn reason I should want to.

Comment by Paul on December 13, 2017 at 6:41pm

Count me among those who are looking forward to death after losing my wife. I am absolutely not interested in anything else.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 13, 2017 at 6:28am

SINCE I LOST MY HUSBAND, I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME PERSON I WAS

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 13, 2017 at 6:24am

Lost Without Him,

I have to agree with you, it is now 5 years since I lost my Husband to cancer, but he lives in me everyday. We were soulmates. I tried to fit back into the world, but cannot without him and I have choose to live with it. I don't want to move on and I know I never will.

Comment by bluebird on December 12, 2017 at 9:11pm

Dawn,

If the book helps you to move forward with your life, and that's something you want to do, then I truly hope you are able to do so.

For some of us, though, it is simply not a choice. My husband's death ended my life, and now I only hope to die and be with him again, or if there is no afterlife, to die and have this pain finally end. Like Lost Without Him, I have absolutely no interest in life anymore.

Please realize that it isn't like this for everyone; I hope you are able to have hope and find peace, but some of us on this sitenever will, at least not in this life, now that our beloved souses/partners have died.

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