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Comment by L.O on March 16, 2018 at 5:59pm

Been to hospital again tonight for my chest, they run all the test and still cant find anything wrong. Gave me two paracetamol and sent me home. Sat here alone in pain not just from my chest but pain from missing him. Its been almost 6 months and nothing is getting easier my chest scares me when its like this. I hardly sleep, eat, don't really go out, don't want to talk to those i use to. I have little ones too so i have to get out of bed in the mornings otherwise id stay init all day and cry. I really don't know what to do anymore

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on March 16, 2018 at 10:07am

I feel the same way. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 16, 2018 at 6:32am

Lost without him,

Thank you, I only stay on this earth because I have no choice. I just pray for God to take me.

Comment by Lost with out him on March 15, 2018 at 9:25pm

Love this Picture Linda! Yes you are still married forever and ever. I feel exactly the same way! Happy Anniversary ❤️❤️❤️

Comment by Lost with out him on March 15, 2018 at 9:19pm

My friends you are the only people that understand. I too am broken, ir's been 13 months of HELL on earth. Going through the motions.. Wish I were dead truly. I have tried to " live" without him,but I can't. I also will be alone until the day I join him. As I have said before I feel like the walking dead. He was my world❤️

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 14, 2018 at 7:04am

Today is mine and Julian's 37th anniversary, 3/14/81, even though he is heaven and I am living in hell, we are still married, just in different places.

Comment by JenShep on March 13, 2018 at 12:52pm

Nancy,

Yup, yup, yup. I know I shouldn't compare with other people's losses but I do think this is the worst. We lose our biggest love and we lose in all parts of life too. We eat dinner alone. We go to bed alone. We don't have someone to run to the grocery store for us to pick up the one thing we need for dinner. I see my neighbors out taking a walk together and I no longer have anyone to take a walk with. We don't have our spouse to spend holidays with. To go out to dinner with. To complain about work or family to. To cry to. When the kitchen sink leaks all over the floor, we have to handle it ourselves all while completely falling apart. We have to carry all the heavy stuff by ourselves. We are the odd ones out among all of the married couples - which highlights our loss and our difference. We don't have that one person who always has our back anymore. It is 100% life altering in every aspect. I find it difficult when parents who have lost adult children compare with me. My great aunt lost her daughter at age 21 and her husband late in life and said that there was nothing harder than losing her husband. It sucks. 

Comment by JenShep on March 13, 2018 at 12:41pm

Alice, Thank you so much. Your comment did a lot for me - it made me feel really good!  I've had so many times where I'm convinced that Tom is with me. I heard his voice for the first time in a year and a half just a few weeks ago. (This was a couple of days after I tried a Reiki session to help open my mind to communicating with him. I'm definitely going to try that again!) I have actually felt him climb in bed and wrap himself around me. I've had signs that just have no other explanation. But, I can always talk myself out of them. Or when I go through a period where I get nothing from him, I lose my faith. Just hearing that you are certain, really meant so much to me and helps a lot. I wanted to thank you for that. I love that you feel his participation in your continuing relationship - that is the way I think of my relationship with Tom. Next Tuesday is our wedding anniversary and I feel that I'm still married to him and that he's here with me as much as he can be. I absolutely feel that we are still in this relationship together. I always want more though. Like you, everything is so much better when I have a "visit" or feeling or sign and then when a lot of time goes by without one I fall again to my depths. 

I also appreciate your feeling that there's a lot you can do for your children with this "shell of a life." I feel the same way - about my friends, my clients at work, my mom. I just keep sticking around, thinking about the joyous day when I get to join Tom but hoping to do some good while I'm stuck here. 

Anyway, thank you for that little boost. Whenever I think of your words, my spirits lift a bit :)

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 12, 2018 at 6:48am

Nancy,

Wow, I love your post, that is me to a "T" on March 14 it would have been our 37th wedding anniversary, I wish I could join him in heaven everyday of my life. 

Comment by bluebird on March 11, 2018 at 2:27pm

Too fucking right, Nancy.

And for me, at least, it stays that way, all of it.

I wish "widow brain" were as well-known by the general public as "pregnancy brain". 

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