Comment

Comment by bluebird on August 2, 2018 at 12:38am

Thank you, Trina. And to you.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 1, 2018 at 5:11pm

Hello Cristal,

I am truly sorry to hear of your loss and the circumstances you are facing. You are in raw grief right now. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to process all this pain and feeling of devastation and despair. 

Visit this site and post here whenever you are feeling like you can't bear it anymore. Posting and writing helps to ease the pain a tiny bit.

Sending good thoughts your way. Peace to you.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 1, 2018 at 5:06pm

Dear Linda,

What a beautiful photo of you and your beloved Julian! The two of you look so happy and so much in love. What beautiful memories of the 35 years together you have to sustain you and to help you keep going.

Sending you prayers for peace and comfort, dear friend. 

Love, Trina 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 1, 2018 at 5:04pm

bluebird, thank you for your kind words. Sending you love and vibes of peace. 

Comment by Cristal on July 31, 2018 at 11:58am

Hi. My name is Cristal. I lost the love of my life on July 2nd. He had leukemia and had no idea. I had begged him to go to a doctor and he wouldn't. He had some ongoing legal issues and was actually transferred out of a local jail to the hospital where he later died. The last time I got to see or speak to him was June 20th, the day he was arrested. His mother that had declared him dead to her 8 years ago claimed his body. All I know is that he was cremated. There was no service of any kind. People still come to my house looking for him because they have not been informed that he died. I am trying to go on but I am struggling.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 31, 2018 at 6:51am

Trina

You were blessed with a wonderful man, as I was. All your words describe how my Julian an I were before he died. I was blessed with his last six months even though he suffered with pain, he never complained and I knew he was hiding it from me. We were blessed with 37 years today and I only go on each day remembering all the wonderful times we had together.

I wish the best for you and I say that truthfully because I know just what you are feeling.

God Bless, Linda 

Comment by bluebird on July 30, 2018 at 8:49pm

That was beautiful, Trina.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on July 30, 2018 at 7:58pm

When July  approaches I find myself to be more restless and despondent than usual, because July is the last month leading up to Joseph’s death on August 4^th. It will be four years this year that the love of my life took his last breath, literally, as he died of lung cancer. July is the month when we learned that Joseph had a short time left to live, after the four-month-long chemo treatment proved futile. We knew he had a short time to live, we thought perhaps six months. No, it was one month. Of course, we didn’t know it then.  We spent July in a way as people do who know that their days are numbered. That month was a blessed month, we both did our utmost to show each other our deep devotion, eternal love, attention, and caring. Every evening, Joseph would make me one of his signature cocktails—a margarita, a cosmopolitan, or a mai tai while I would make us dinner. He didn’t drink alcohol anymore then as it would have reacted badly with his meds. Then, after dinner, we would sit on the couch holding hands, maybe we would watch one of our favorite shows, or listen to music, or just sit holding hands, very much in love. Yes, it was a magical month in spite of the excruciating pain that Joseph suffered that whole time and I had to watch him helplessly writhe in pain. In spite of the unbearable pain—physical and emotional—we would tell each other how fortunate we were to have spent 19 years with each other. We knew that some people never know true love, but we were one of those couples who had known deep love, and we were thankful for it.

 

The first four days of August were Joseph’s last days on earth. What really stays with me from those last days is that even when he was in unbearable pain—none of the pain meds were working anymore—Joseph was always smiling and gracious to the nurses, the lab technicians, and the wheelchair attendants, thanking them and saying a few kind words to them. I had confirmation then that I had indeed married an extraordinary man, a man who wanted to leave this life with good karma on his conscience, someone who was not going to be angry or bitter that he was dying at age 49. Joseph’s philosophy and outlook on life since I had met him and fallen in love with him until that day he died have been inspirational. And the reason I can go on living even when I wish I were dead is because he was such an inspiration. Thank you Joseph for your love, for the 19beautiful years, and the many, many wonderful memories we made together. I love you and always will.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 30, 2018 at 6:31am

Thanks Anne, She had her eye removed on Friday and she is doing great, the surgeon did an excellent job. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 26, 2018 at 8:19am

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