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Comment by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2018 at 3:40pm

Joe,

I couldn't agree with you more.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2018 at 7:13am

Hi Monty,

Complicated grief to me is just a label because I refuse to get over my grief which is the norm. Most of the people on this site understand each other because we do not fall into the norm of grieving.

Comment by Monty on December 12, 2018 at 4:08am

this is my first anniversary  of my wife death.   I'm finding it harder the closer i get to the anniversary of carols passing, i feel less emotional stable and more prone to becoming over whelmed with emotion

i hope that i can find some useful and meaning full thing in the impending anniversary 

Comment by Monty on December 12, 2018 at 3:47am

thanks M Adams for the link.

it was interesting to see the definition in clear english.

I feel that i fall somewhere in the middle between.

 

Comment by M Adams on December 11, 2018 at 7:30pm

Some recent comments and queries on here about complicated grief got me looking around the other areas of onlinegriefsupport.com, where I did eventually spot a relevant link...turned out that the link needed updating, but the content was still available.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/~...

A couple of counsellor types over the last few years have said that I'm in the complicated grief group —thought I more or less understood what they meant, so it was quite surprising to read this, which describes something almost opposite to what I thought of as "complicated grief." Does seem, as has been mentioned on this site and as this article also indicates, that it is not at all a precisely used term, so guess it’s best not to worry about nomenclature.

For me, I know that I'm not coping the way my husband, and now my mother, would expect, but I am still trying. My tendency these days, coming up on the third Christmas without my husband, and now without my mother as well, is to go back and forth between accepting myself and pushing myself. I've had lots of chances recently to see how differently people grieve, and find it's really important to consciously acknowledge that. I miss my husband so much, in so many ways, and still feel somehow stunned that now my mother is also gone.  Part of me just wants to do nothing, see no one, especially in terms of Christmas — and because that’s how I feel, it is hard for me to interact with all the people in my life who are keen to distract themselves ...with parties, concerts, whatever.  It’s not that I want to be the annoying downer spoiling everyone’s enjoyment, in fact I find that aspect really embarrassing — it’s just that I don’t get how they can bear it, just weeks or months after losing someone so beloved.  Really I’m indulging myself by avoiding a lot of social interactions.  Basically, people are so different — we can't see what's inside other people's hearts or why they do and say the (sometimes awful) things they say and do.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 3, 2018 at 3:30pm

Hi Joe

You still have a wedding anniversary. Just because she is in Heaven and you are on Earth you still celebrate it together. That is the way I think when I celebrate any key event that happened in our lives. The attached poem is why I believe.

Comment by Monty on December 3, 2018 at 3:17pm

Hey Joe.

so sorry to hear of your over whelming sadness and longing to be back with her.

i hope you day gets better.

kindest thoughts and wishes

regards Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 3, 2018 at 6:13am

Morgan,

Now that almost 6 years have passed from losing my Beloved, Husband, Julian, I find myself not one bit better. Like you I have tried everything to go on this world. Each year finds me worse. I find that living in isolation with my sweet dog Babie J and just doing what I have to do, suits me the best. I have accepted that I will not get better. I know that I have posted a picture of this quote before but it helps me to face each day. Thank You for all the posts you share as it makes feel that there is another person who is going through what I am.

Comment by Monty on December 2, 2018 at 4:31pm

Hi Morgan

so sorry to hear that your having such a bad time of it.

have you tried writing a journal (not necessarily of your emotions) but what your doing.

you may find upon reflection that there is something thats happening / hearing / smelling that is triggering emotions.

hope you have the best day possible

thoughts and wishes to all

regards Monty

Comment by morgan on December 2, 2018 at 4:26pm

Having a really tough time right now........really really tough.  I don't know how to move beyond the waves of intense visceral emotion I am having.  I have tried everything......TV, computer, reading, writing, remodeling, shopping, being creative, friends, family, medicine, etc......all that is happening is that I am feeling him and then all I do is have these horrible crying episodes.......it just hurts.......today for whatever reason has been worse.  I always try to figure out why.  Today I needed to just sit and pay bills and I am not out moving around  doing things.  Thing is, I don't know what it is that makes it better or worse.  Guess that is another part of widows brain......then I come here to remind myself that I am not alone in feeling what I am going through.  Thanks to each of you who are honest about your feelings I am able to relate and then I try to analyze how to better what my condition is.  

All I want to do to get through what days I have to live is to isolate myself from everything and just sit and die.  I have been working for almost six years (god, that sounds like such a long time)  to get to the point where I have enough money coming in to pay my bills so I can isolate.  I am almost there.  But the pain of missing him just looms larger.  

Why wont the universe let me go?

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