Comment

Comment by Tildyc on April 15, 2015 at 9:51pm

George – let us know how your grief group goes with your daughter please. I don't have that option here in my little town. But I do have you and everybody else here.

Comment by bluebird on April 15, 2015 at 9:50pm

Dianne,

Thank you for understanding. You're right, we are all in a deep dark place, and it's horrible for us all.

_________________________________

 

Tildyc,

I understand what you're saying. I will never be with anyone else, either. I have never been involved romantically or sexually with anyone other than my husband, and I never will be. We are married, and that is forever -- his death does not change that (I'm not saying everyone should be that way, but that is how it is for me).  I have no interest in even making friends with people, much less anything else, and I will never have any interest in dating.

I know what you mean about being dark and sad and not a person anyone else would want to hang out with, as I am like that as well. I hate the person I have become, but I am glad to minimize my contact with other people, as I would much rather be alone than with other people now. It is monotonous, and it sucks, so for myself I hope my life doesn't last long.

Comment by Tildyc on April 15, 2015 at 9:49pm

I just don't see any options. I won't take my own life and my body won't die. Alone and broken.

Comment by Tildyc on April 15, 2015 at 9:46pm

Here's the thing – I knew the moment I lost him that I would never – never find another person. I realize that I have to live the rest of my life alone. I just can't seem to find a way to come to terms with this because, I had such an amazing and fulfilling life with him before. i'm dark and sad and definitely not somebody that anyone wants to hang around with. So therefore – I sit here and I cry and I miss him and I go through my BS monotonous day to day. I do not see much change in that in the future. This is my life now and I don't know what to do with it.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 15, 2015 at 9:45pm

bluebird I do understand what u are saying....we are all in a deep dark place...Glad we are all here for each other.

Comment by bluebird on April 15, 2015 at 9:42pm

Dianne,

I meant no offense, and it's not that I think you love your husband any less than I love mine....that's why I used the word "bonded" rather then the word "loved".  Maybe I didn't express it well, or maybe I'm wrong about it altogether, but I don't know how else to explain it. It is literally impossible for me to "move on" with life without my husband -- I do not want my life anymore.  Maybe part of it is that I'm just weaker than you and than other people who do want to have a life after the death of their spouse/partner, I don't know. All I know is that I do want to die, and I truly don't understand people who want to continue living after their spouse/partner dies. I'm not saying that you/they are wrong, just that I do not understand it. The fault may very well be with me.

Comment by Dianne M. on April 15, 2015 at 8:57pm

bluebird "I have come to realize that some people are not as bonded with their spouses/partners as I am, and as you apparently are as well. They would of course be sad and upset if their spouses/partners died, but they would see a life for themselves at some point beyond the death of their spouse/partner, whereas for me there is no such life, and I don't want there to be."

I take exception to what u say here. I dont think that my love for my husband has anything to do with the fact that I will survive this and have some kind of life. I am sick and hurting and devastated but I just dont want to curl up in a ball and die. This is how I honor our love.

Not everyone deals with this in the same way and I dont think there is a right or wrong way it is just what we choose to do.

Comment by George H on April 15, 2015 at 8:55pm

So Damm lonely it just seems to get worse every day trying to push through this is just a waist of time I customers don't her to be gone

Comment by Nancy on April 15, 2015 at 8:11pm

My husband was not a religious guy. Even at the end he said it seemed "not right" to be so close to the finish line and change your beliefs. It seemed fake. So he died believing in nothing afterwards. I watched Interstellar with him before he got really sick at the end and now all I can think about is him banging on the wall behind the bookcase trying to reach me. I hope he's somewhere good. And I hope he's somewhere and not nowhere. And I hope he isn't behind a bookcase screaming at me.

Comment by bluebird on April 15, 2015 at 6:27pm

But ultimately I don't care if there is a god or not....I used to care about that, but not any longer. ALL I care about now is being reunited with my husband, and eventually with our other loved ones.

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