Comment

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 19, 2015 at 10:13pm

Hello Patti and Robin,

I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved husband. I, too, lost mine a little over a year ago, and so I can relate to the heartbreak and anguish you both are going through. On this site you will find people who understand your pain b/c this site is for bereaved people like us.

Other people, like our family members, friends, neighbors, and colleagues who have not lost a spouse have no understanding of what it is like to go through one of the most painful of all painful of human experiences. The loss of a beloved spouse leaves you heartbroken, broken, destroyed, and devastated. 

It's been almost 14 months for me since I lost my beloved Joseph to lung cancer on August 4th, 2014. He was 49 years old. In the beginning (about 6 months or so) I had a lot of support from my relatives and friends. While I continue to get support from my friends, my relatives seem to have tired of my grief. They think that I am being melodramatic and "holding on" to my grief for attention and out of self-pity. Talk about adding insult to injury. As a bereaved widow, it is unspeakably difficult to survive just from day to day. These people who think I am being self-indulgent and "wallowing in self-pity," don't have a clue how much it takes just to get out of bed in the morning and to face the day, let alone to go work and perform as if all is fine and dandy, as if life is back to normal. Just because I haven't had a nervous breakdown and hadn't had to be admitted to the psych ward, they think that I am not in pain every single day, all the time. But as you all know on this forum, the death of a spouse leaves you broken and scarred and healing from the devastation takes years, if at all. 

Patti, like you, my colleagues at work think I am strong and that I have a lot of courage. Maybe I do, but what they do not know is that underneath the calm and collected exterior I live in intense pain-- emotional pain that feels physical--the pain is gut-wrenching and relentless. Just because we don't talk about our inner suffering--people feel uncomfortable and ill at ease when/if you talk about your pain--they think that we have made huge strides and that we have "moved on." It makes them feel good b/c then they don't have to think about the likes of us and ponder on mortality and feel sad there there is so much sorrow in their midst.

Here I am, on a Saturday evening, writing on a grief site because I am in pain and am feeling lonely. If Joseph were alive, we would have either gone out to dinner and/or to the movies. But now the reality of my life in widowhood is that on weekends I have nothing to look forward to and my heart aches at the memory of the past happiness that I shared with the love of my life. That's what I've been reduced to: memories and heartache. So I understand and empathize with you both.

Take care and hang in there.

Comment by Robin on September 19, 2015 at 11:37am

Hi Patti, it feels good to express how you feel to someone that actually understands. I've never been someone that talks about what I'm going through, most people don't want to hear it, makes them uncomfortable.  People think I'm strong, and told me that when he passed away, that I'm tough, but this has broken me, and no one gets that. I've pulled away from most of my friends.  I'm very close with my sister & her husband, without them I wouldn't have any social life, but at this point I don't really care.  I've gotten used to being alone.  We didn't have kids, but I do have a sweet little dog.  Thank you for listening, you're not alone in your pain or your journey.

Comment by Robin on September 18, 2015 at 8:47pm

I feel your pain Patti. I lost my husband of 20 years, 5 years ago, it was sudden and unexpected.  I felt, and still do feel like I can't go on, don't want to go on, but I didn't have much of a choice.  I've never reached out on any online sites before.  I isolated myself, and still do to a certain extent, but I do have to go to work everyday, so that pretty much saved me.  Not sure how I did it, or still keep doing it, but you have to at least get out of bed.  Even if you just take a shower, for a minute you might feel a little better.  At the very beginning it's a minute to minute thing.  I just want you to know that I get it, because unless this has happened to you, you don't get it.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 17, 2015 at 7:49pm

The lives of so many people on this site have been destroyed by the (untimely) death of our spouse/partner. We, as the surviving spouse, are facing a life that is devoid of love, purpose, joy, and peace. We are looking at living for maybe another 20-30 years. Each day when this thought comes to mind, I just shudder and feel despondent. I feel overcome with deep sorrow. What a waste for both of us--that Joseph passed at age 49, and for me that my life will be a wasteland of grayness, deep longing, and inconsolable grief for as long as I live. I'll never be the same again. I will continue to live indefinitely as I am not capable of taking my own life, but that life will be meaningless. I also feel sorry for my siblings who love me and want to see the old me, the old Trina. They know that their love brings very little comfort to me, and for that they feel unhappy. So I feel what a waste all this is. I have been given life after Joseph's death, a life that I have no use for, no desire to live. I don't understand how God/the universe works. When a beloved spouse is taken away, why is the other spouse left behind? It's so cruel, so unnecessary and meaningless.

So Tildyc, Rachel, morgan, and ll others, I feel your pain, your suffering, and your anguish. In order not to feel completely overwhelmed by thought how will I go on living like this for another two or three decades, I have started a mantra that I repeat to myself that many others before me have wisely said: One day at a time. One step at a time. Since we don't know what the future holds in 10 years from now, let's try not to focus too much on that: One day at a time.

Peace be on you all! 

Comment by morgan on September 17, 2015 at 3:54pm

Rachel,

Oh, how I feel your despair  Your longing.  I daydream of the times I spent in the rapture of my husbands loving touch and I too am overwhelmed by the separation.  I could use thousands of analogies to describe that absence but essentially I am now operating on auto pilot.  No meaning in the present, no desire for a future only wishing I could return to the past.  Connecting by remote and wandering on foreign dirt with no compass.  That's it. No compass.  Another small epiphany.  No compass.   

That's it.

In a forest, surrounded by a blanket of fog with no compass.  Really?  Is this life?  Is there really something that is going to change this?

Comment by Tildyc on September 16, 2015 at 11:23pm

Rachell_michelle- I completely agree with this- the loss of one the most important pieces of being with your soulmate. The warmth and intimacy of being so very loved. It is such a life sustaining source to ones soul. When it is meaningful- it is a un-breakable bond. The comfort of knowing that we were to be with each other till the end. But now- for me - this un-breakable bond has literally and un-fathomably disappeared and I am completely alone....forever...without him.

Comment by rachel_micele on September 16, 2015 at 11:48am

The last days of processing from the ash burial Sunday culminated in such a rough night last night. The craving for human touch, being held and comforted the way a man, a romantic love would, was absolutely overwhelming. 

Comment by Tildyc on September 15, 2015 at 12:32am

Very low today. So much crying and despair. A full day of pleading to be where ever it is he is. It's the 1st day of moose season. This time last yr- he was gone hunting. I had stayed home due to work. But I was feeling kinda of good about my alone time. Did some much needed projects, ordered pizza and watched football. While waiting anxiously to hear if he'd be heading back home soon with our moose. It was a most anticipated time for us. He always provided for us and I truly loved him for that.

Now- I'm trying to step into his role as hunter. But I'm completely seperated from that happy time of our life. There are so many happy warm, safe and comforting memories connected to this event. But now- they cause such yearning and sadness. Pain and loneliness. Such a beautiful memory that now leaves me so completely broken and empty. I fear my life is going to be like this until the day I die. Until I'm free .

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 13, 2015 at 8:15pm

morgan,

I am sorry that you having to face the loss of your kitty. Coping with the death of your beloved husband was has been an earth-shattering and devastating experience. Now this. I can understand why you would feel anger at this point. There is really not much else I can say, except that I am very sorry that you are having to face this. Hang in there!

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 13, 2015 at 8:08pm

Dear Angela,

My heart goes out to you. Yes, it'd absolutely unbearable, and it doesn't get any easier, does it? Only on this site we understand the intensity and depth of missing our spouse. People who haven't lost a beloved spouse don't understand what it is like for the surviving spouse/partner. The agony, the anguish, the yearning and the missing are not only an everyday state, but these feelings are there almost throughout the entire day. 

Even when I am work or in company of other people, Joseph is there with me the whole time. His absence is very present and I also feel his presence beside me. 
How I wish to hold him, hear his voice, feel his touch, talk to him! 

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 221
• 222
• 223
• 224
• 225
• …
• 339
• Next ›
• Page