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Comment by bluebird on June 17, 2016 at 9:38pm

Trina,

I am still here, and still comment sometimes. I probably comment less than I used to only because nothing has changed for me, at least not for the better. I know it won't; I don't expect it to, but it means that I rarely have anything new to say. I do sometimes comment on other people's posts and threads, though. Anyway, it's kind of nice to see that I am still welcome and/or valued here. 

Comment by Mary on June 17, 2016 at 4:19pm

Denise - I'm sorry to hear about your close friend Mary. It would be too much grief to go through. My thoughts and prayers are with you to help console you.
I only have dealt with losing someone from out of town where I live, even then it was difficult. But now when my precious husband died 7 weeks ago it has consumed me. I have lost my world, I feel that I don't belong, I am lost. I pretend to be strong for my children but am dying inside and anxiety has taken place inside. I would never imagine it would have felt like this.

Comment by Denise Lavoie on June 17, 2016 at 3:42pm

Hi.Yesterday morning my friend called me to tell me my best friend died.Her name was Mary.She was like a mother to me.Her husband was close to my husband, we all used to play games together.We had a great time.I was shocked and very upset.I still have so much to do at my place either the bank will take the house back or someone will buy it.It is a lot of stress.On top my husband dying and Mary dying it too much, I can't think straight,so my daughter came to pick me up and bring me back with her.I miss them both very much.I am glad this group exists.We can help each other.

Comment by Mary on June 17, 2016 at 12:02am

Stewart. My thoughts are with you as you remember your 3rd year. You are right, we are brainwashed to always having to be productive but in this time of sorrow, I think we just need to be. And yes you are right again how we mark life events , after a birth 2 weeks old, 18 months etc. We do the same for death and remember our loved ones the same. Life changing events. Even tho it's been 7 weeks it feels like so long ago yet it feels like just the other day My Neil was sitting on the couch watching his new big TV. It's so sad and devestating. Hard for me to accept and grasp.

Comment by Chum on June 16, 2016 at 4:40pm

Thanks for the kind words, Morgan

Comment by morgan on June 16, 2016 at 2:23pm

Chum,  I might have missed the exact time of the one year anniversary but my thoughts are with you in the hopes you found a way to bring a fitting tribute to the loss and the love you had with your beloved.  

And Stewart,three years this week and we endure the marker days differently,  amazingly we still count the time elapsed.  I wonder if I will ever do anything other than measure the time without my beloved.

Take care on your marker days……each of us endure them as time in a bottle.

Comment by stewart p on June 16, 2016 at 1:03pm

mary, 7 weeks is very recent still for anyone under the best of circumstances, my first year i was living pretty much like a zombie, and somethings haven't changed much  since then while some have but its improving and the most important thing i learned that i would share with you is dont worry, be easy on yourself and know that when the time is right for the next step you will know and feel it and no one else can tell you when that is. 

This week marks the 3rd year my wife was in the hospital and died and while i didn't know to really expect having passed this way twice already, wouldn't you know it just had to be?  I haven't done much of anything this week and didn't really give two cents that I hadn't. I wish i did and wanted to but just didn't really care if i did or didn't. In this society of ours we seem to be so obsessed with accomplishing something all the time and for me this whole experience just has given me more pause to step back and adopt feelings completely the opposite, particularly this 3rd year anniversary week of sorts.

I look at the dog, the cat the beautiful bluebirds sitting out back basking in the sun and simply just existing and being in the moment.  Then I remind myself of the verse in Matthew that tells us not to worry especially about those things we cant control or change anyway,and I find myself in a comfortable space which only i choose how long i remain there or not, together with occasional memories flashing through my mind of former times comforts me and helps me find a quiet peace to bask in if only for a short while.  Strange how most of life begins marking dates surrounded by births and anniversarys' and what not only later to be filled with dates of those who have left us.

Comment by Mel Royer on June 16, 2016 at 11:19am

I had said this before, in a post awhile back....paraphrased here...I don't need the company of other people to feel whole, I need the company of the one I lost to feel whole. There is one Nancy, the only one qualified to heal my scars, bind up my wounds and stand steadfast by my side. She is Gone. There is no other...no substitute. I will live the remainder of this life trying to accept that reality. It will be futile, no doubt. So, I find little to "yak" about in my loss. As a matter of fact, I can't recall the last time I felt compelled to "yak" about anything. God bless us all and here's to the core group...morgan, bluebird, John, George, TildyC, Joanne and all the others in this life saving group of wayfarers for keeping the rest of us on track in our journey through grief. 

Comment by joanne on June 16, 2016 at 10:17am

Morgan, I truly love reading your posts,you and bluebird have this amazing way with words and I can relate to many things you say, you send hugs to us all , well I said a big hug back to you. Xxx

Comment by Mary on June 16, 2016 at 2:31am

Morgan and many others - I identify so much with what u are saying. We try to live each day but our overwhelming sadness makes it so hard.
I miss my husband every moment. He is on my mind every moment. I feel shattered without him. He is my life partner. We loved each other so much and shared that with each other. Everyday it's a struggle - everyday my mind goes thru things - everyday I'm trying to cope with a subject - what will my life be like now, why did God take him, was I being punished, why didn't I notice he wasn't well , why didn't we go to the hospital sooner, was my relationship really solid or Am I dreaming it, will I remember him, will the kids, how can I manage my life without him, I don't have any joy, I can't seem to love anymore even with my kids I feel unloving or incapable of showing love. My head hurts with everything. I haven't been able to get back to work, I can barely get the strength to make dinner for the kids
It's only been 7 weeks since my husband passed unexpectedly. I still can't grasp my brain around it yet some times. I don't know how to live. Everything is a struggle , eating, showering, looking after the kids, going to get groceries, going out. I miss my wonderful husband with my whole being.
Thankyou for sharing - it's sad to see so many on here. I never imagined the grief losing a spouse would be on the spouse left behind. Hugs to all of you.

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