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Comment by Elynn m on July 3, 2016 at 11:45pm

Actually, I want to go out with people because I know that being alone is the worst thing I can do.   I've started to reach out to old friends.....which is something my husband always did.   Joe always said, reach out to people while u r still able to. Am afraid to reach out to friends that stopped coming around

Comment by Elynn m on July 3, 2016 at 11:35pm

Mary..u are so right about people feeling uncomfortable.   I hope I can be a friend to them when one spouse is gone.   (Don't mean to sound so negative)

Comment by Mary on July 3, 2016 at 11:27pm

Elynn - I know what u mean. Even tho my husband and I spent most of our days together, I had a few close friends. What I find now is they barely call me or when they do its not to "help" me. I know they mean well but I think they are just uncomfortable around me. I'm still having a very hard time and don't wAnt to go out and be with people. But I would love if one would come to my house and spend a little time with me. Either just hearing me out or just being here.
I miss my husband for that. He would just listen to me if I needed to vent or just be here. We didn't have awkward silences. Out time together was my joy.
A friend came over for the first time to visit me and she said she was so nervous to come. I think that's how most feel. I would feel the same if roles were reversed

Comment by George H on July 3, 2016 at 11:26pm

Elynn my wife Mary has been gone a year in 5 months and I know all about the loneliness and I don't hear from anyone still so it doesn't surprise me

Comment by Elynn m on July 3, 2016 at 11:23pm

George..that is so true.   Maybe they don't want to face the fact that everyone will die and almost 50% will have to deal with death of a spouse.  They r probably frightened

Comment by Mary on July 3, 2016 at 11:22pm

Stewart thanks for sharing. Even though it has only been almost 10 weeks that my wonderful Neil passed away unexpectedly I too feel like I need to get busy doing something. I too have great plans for the next day, but when morning comes it's like I get hit with it. Stomach pains, rapid heartbeat, so much sadness. Then I end up doing nothing all day. I think if I could just get back to work I might manage better. I have 3 kids to be living for, I don't want them to think of me as being frail or weak.... But it's so hard. Like you said your life revolved around your wife - me too. Neil was the joy in my day, the love of my life. Everything was ok in the world when I was with him. Glad to hear that you are stepping out a little bit at a time. Good luck

Comment by George H on July 3, 2016 at 11:17pm

Elynn it seems like when you lose your spouse people treat you like you have some kind of disease

Comment by Elynn m on July 3, 2016 at 11:15pm

Anyone else find that friends disappear when u lose your spouse?   I feel so lonely and cannot reach out.  I know they say we should find new friends,   where does anyone start?

Comment by stewart p on July 3, 2016 at 10:57pm

3 years and 3 weeks, I dont believe I will ever lose track of time.  For 23 years my world evolved around my wife, the sun rose and set around her for me.  For the first year I was completly numb to everything around me and for the next 2 I went to counseling, wrote in my journal constantly and started looking inward deeply to find what I could do to pick up the pieces.  Ive tried this, Ive tried that, sometime followed but more often failed and taking the first step.  I had so many plans, so many ideas of things I would try to do only to find when the day rolled around that I chose instead more often than not to sit at home and watch netflix, look out the window or else and do much of nothing.  This last week I actually began following through on another yet again well thought out plans and to be honest, with 12 hours days that have kept my mind redirected all day long I havent found much time to think about my wife, better yet im so tired when I get home Im nearly half asleep.  I feel pretty good about it, I feel like there is a sense of hope, the sun will rise yet again another day.   I think what Ive learned so far from this is it helps to keep busy.  It might be a real struggle to start, hell it has taken me 3 years but it does seem to make the days much lighter, if anyone is wondering, it seems to be helping and I would encourage anyone to keep trying until you find something that begins to absorb your time and attention and that you feel is time well spent.  Happy 4th to all and good nite.

Comment by Mary on July 1, 2016 at 12:54pm

Val. Hugs to you. It is very hard. But it's also been a very very short time for you. Be easy on yourself. It is hard when you miss your life partner.
I lost my Neil 9 weeks ago and I find it hard each day. Hard is an under statement. You are right about not realizing the intense pain of losing your husband. It affects you physically mentally and emotionally.

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