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Comment by Elynn m on August 3, 2016 at 1:34pm

Charity,

   Charity,

 God is good.   He will continue to help you through this.   It will take time.   God promised me (in the book of Isaish 54) that He is my husband.   I have to admit that this is sometimes hard for me to accept, but I know He comes through in every situation.  When I think of my husband (Joe), He (God) reminds me that Joe is still here in spirit.  

   Don't think you are "FAKING IT"   You are just working through grief and need to continue on.   You are feeling exactly how most of us feel when the numbness wears off.    God Bless.

      

Comment by Lisa on August 2, 2016 at 11:47pm

Today it's been 7 months since I lost my best friend.

7 months since I've had any kind of deep, meaningful conversation, he was the only one I trusted with such deep thoughts.  7 months since I felt like the world was safe.  7 months since I've hugged him, laughed with him, joked with him, snuggled on the couch and watched our favorite tv shows together, played with the dogs.  7 months since I've felt hope for the future, or for anything at all. 

He was my world.  He still is.  Every thought I have revolves around him.  Every day I wake up and I relive the nightmare of when I first heard he was never coming home.

Every day feels like I'm living in hell.  It doesn't get any better.  Time doesn't heal this wound.  Every day I cry so much.  Every day I worry about whatever future I have left in front of me, although it doesn't feel like I have any at all.  Every day I wonder what we could have done to deserve this hell that life turned into.  And every day I make sure to tell him how much I love him, and how much I will always miss him.

I am so, so sorry for this great loss everyone here is suffering.  So sorry.  My heart hurts so much as I read through all of the posts.  The pain we all are suffering seems unbearable.  It's so unfair. 

Comment by Charity on August 2, 2016 at 10:13pm

I lost my husband suddenly on June 15th. I feel like I'm just bumping around through this life now. Little stupid things make me sad, like food in the pantry that has been there since he was alive. This month we would have celebrated his 46th birthday and I would have told him happy birthday every day this month. I still do. The numbness is wearing off and I can't keep track of the tears. Life still goes on and I have to fake it through so much and I HATE faking it through life. We have a son and I have God but it is still sooooo hard. I miss my best friend...

Comment by Elynn m on August 2, 2016 at 6:36pm

Donna,

   Donna, I am sorry for your loss.    I lost my husband of 41 years.  He went to be with the Lord 10 months ago, also unexpectedly.   It's very lonely without him.   We will always feel the pain.   I'm not saying that we have to walk around depressed.   I will never forget the jewel(my husband) that God let me have in my life for 41 years.   Like most others, I cry often .    I am  remember all of the good times we had.   I only regret one thing:  I wish I would have told him more often how wonderful he is,  and how much I love him.         My heart goes out to you

Comment by Donna Amendola on August 2, 2016 at 11:11am

Thank you Jeni.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Every night when I go to bed as soon as my head hits the pillow the tears fall.  I cry myself to sleep every night.  I just do not see any future without him. It is so horrible  I too and spiritual and have felt him close at times.  It does help at times.  x

Comment by Jeni on July 31, 2016 at 8:03pm

Dear Donna

I feel your pain and I know the darkness one feels with such a huge loss and so many unanswered questions. I lost my partner 18 months ago and still the pain is deep and intense. I don't think there ever will be an answer and I don't think the pain ever lessens. I think that our children are the reason why we are still here. They need us, they count on us and even though each day bears it many challenges, and has its darknesses, we are here for a reason. I wish I could say something that would lessen your pain, and allow some light to shine through the darkness. For me, there are no words, each has a different journey, each bears the pain and intense loss, but we all do have something in common. We know the pains of losing someone so special, someone who is and will always be our life, our world. I'm quite a spiritual person and I feel Col close to me, and I think that allows me to travel this difficult journey. In time, if you allow yourself to feel, allow the numbness to subside, I'm sure you will be able to feel your husband close to you. He will travel with you in all you do, he will guide you. I am truly so sorry for your loss, and I know the lonliness of which you write. In time you may start to see signs that he is around you, a feather lying at your door, a date that randomly appears that has special meaning for you. I know its hard, I know its intensely painful but when you see and have your children around you, you will know why you are here.

Comment by Donna Amendola on July 31, 2016 at 6:16pm

I lost my precious husband on the 13th June.  He died suddenly, and we are still awaiting test results to find out why.  I am destroyed, as is our 9 year old son, and our daughter.  I just feel like my whole world has fallen apart.  I dont know what to do, I cant eat, sleep, function.  He was everything to me, my twin flame, my world, my light, my life.  I am still in shock and disbelief even now after 7 weeks.  I keep expecting him to walk through the door.  I still haven't done anything with his clothes.  His slippers are where he left them, as his other things are.  I cannot bear to move them.  I cant even delete his last texts on my phone.  I wish I could die with him. The pain is completely unbearable.  I feel so alone.  As I am sure all of you do too. 

Comment by Charlie on July 31, 2016 at 2:17pm

I agree with you Lisa and Mary.  I lost my Dreamgirl 4 months and 10 days ago.  I'd like to add that my take on it is that most people haven't had the immeasurable good fortune to have found THE one for us like we members of this group have.  TRUE soulmates and best friends. My grief counselor says that the price of love is pain.  The more profound the love, the more intense the pain.  No judgement here, just sayin'

Comment by Mary on July 31, 2016 at 1:47pm

Hugs to you Lisa. Your words are exactly how I feel. I have to believe that our family and friends just don't understand how it feels to lose your spouse. A person really won't know unless they experience it.

Comment by Lisa on July 31, 2016 at 11:49am

In 3 days it will be 5 months since my husband passed away and I think just knowing another anniversary is coming is taking it's toll on me.  Yesterday I spent the first half of the day sitting outside with my brother and sister-in-law (they live next door).  I came in at 2:30pm and broke down.  I don't think I stopped crying until I went to bed that night and fell asleep.  My brother and his wife moved in next door to us 4 years ago so Wayne and I were always outside with them in the summer.  This afternoon my mother is coming over and we are having a barbeque at my brothers.  I love my family but I am so sick and tired of sitting there pretending that everything is ok and I'm doing fine.  Everything is not ok and I'm not doing fine. Nobody understands. None of my friends and none of my family.  Like all of you, I have the arduous task of waking up each day and realizing that the man I love with all my heart and soul is gone. Gone far too soon. I'm sick of hearing that time heals and it will get better and I'll finally accept it.  I'm sick of being asked how I'm doing but no one really wants to hear the truth or I get "we miss him too" to shut me up.  I'm sick of being told how great I look because I've lost so much weight.  My life ended with his and now I feel like I'm being constantly punished, forced to walk around each day as a shell with a fake smile and fake laughter pretending to people over and over again.  So grateful for this forum.  Hugs to everyone.

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