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Comment by pamela winmill on October 25, 2016 at 7:32pm

Today is my first birthday without my husband 205 days ago he was taken from me 48 years of wonderful marriage, so called friends of 35 years have ignored me and ran inside when they see me and they have been saying they dont know what they have done to me as i now ignore them! I found this saying on a website so have posted it on my door, it says, PEOPLE GET UPSET WHEN I TREAT THEM AS THEY HAVE TREATED ME! i hope they see it and leave me alone . I just want to go to sleep and never wake up i dont know how much longer i can go on like this the pain is unbearable!

Comment by morgan on October 22, 2016 at 10:33pm

AnneJ, I'm glad to see you've come back to be with us.  I've missed your introspective posts.  You have much to contribute.  The burdens are so heavy we need as many of us as possible to help share the load.  I believe without the rest of you I would have taken a different path and I still hang on everyone's words to  get me through days.  

It is still ever so painful and I try to keep finding outlets that minimize the pain.  I have no idea why this continues to hurt but the most I get from being here is that I know I am not the only one trying to understand the story of death ending a life of love.  And what has this love done to make it so hard to live?  

I am at this point hoping that I don't have to live this out for a long time.  What hope I have is based on time being short.  That is what I live for, a shortened period of life on earth.  The future is just not for me but in the interim I am grateful people like you are helping me limp along.......

Comment by Irwin on October 22, 2016 at 7:56pm

33 days of hell since my beautiful wife or 40 years passed away. Psychs, therapists, kids have trief to show me the light. None of these people can experience the deepest of grief and pain that I am feeling. I choose not to exist anymore. That simple. My life as I knew it, dreamed it, lived it is gone. My heart is painful and will be till my passing. Since I am not sure that I will be reunited with my wife after death or there's nothingness, the one thing I do know is the pain, the excruciating grief and depression will be over. I take Lorazapam and Dilaudid just to sleep. If I do not, I will wander up and down the halls all night no matter how little sleep I've had.

This is the greatest group of people on the web. Everyone understands, but not everyone understands each individual's choice. Love you all and maybe see you soon.

Comment by George H on October 22, 2016 at 7:11pm

hi everyone I'm still with you I don't post much anymore but I still read your stuff it's been 20 months since Mary passed and I don't think I'll ever get any better I still stay in my room most of the time I guess that's how it has to be you all take care

Comment by morgan on October 21, 2016 at 2:13pm

Tildyc, Trina, Anne J, Bluebird, Mel, George, John T, Linda E, Hillary Christene, Rachel M, Michael Thomspson (and others) a lot of us go back a way in reading and writing on this website.  I just want to say how important you and even the newest people who have found their way here are to me.  I never probably thought I would need you or want to know you but you have become an integral part of my being able to survive this worst time of my life.  I don't see it as ending until my own final exit so in the meantime I depend on you to help me through the darkest times and hopefully I can reciprocate in my times of more light.  

Thank you from the bottom of the well.......and yes, to Diana Y, our cyber angel, for giving us this place to share our deepest feelings.....thank you, thank you.........

Comment by Trina Mamoon on October 21, 2016 at 2:32am

Dear Tildyc,

I think of you often and have been wondering how you've been doing since you stopped coming on this site for a long time. Today must have been an especially tough day given that it's Mark's birthday. I know how agonizingly painful it is to "celebrate" the birthday of your loved one when they are no longer here with us. Hang in there, dear friend, and know that we miss you here. 

It's been more than 26 months for me since Joseph's death, but I miss him terribly every single day and I long to be reunited with him. Like you, I won't stop loving Joseph until the day I die. We're in the same boat. Sending you prayers for comfort and healing vibes.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Tildyc on October 21, 2016 at 12:40am

I've not been on here for a long time. But what's a long time really? Since my Mark's death, time has slowed to never ending....

My last breath cannot come soon enough. Since Feb 4th, 2015- I've not felt true happiness nor has a day gone by that I haven't cried. Its hard to face a life that is so lonely. Grief is defines me now. It is what I am. Its changed and deformed me to who I've become. I know deep in my heart- this will not change until the day I die.

This is your 2nd birthday you've missed hun... I miss you

Comment by Maxey on October 16, 2016 at 2:40am

Morgan, I so agree with everything you said in your comment. If you still feel this way after three years, I know that I, too, will be in the same boat as you. I pray too every day for the Lord to take me home or wherever he sees fit. I would rather nothingness that living with this sad and lonely feeling. Some days I just sit in my chair and look out the window, hoping that this will be the day I can leave. I want that so badly that it has become an obsession. Unfortunately, we cannot seem to will ourselves to die.
I pray for some peace for all the lonely, sad people who are trying to cope with their grieve here at this site.

Comment by Charlie on October 9, 2016 at 1:45pm

You  are so very right, Laurieann.  As horrendous as my situation has been since March 21, I constantly remind myself that i had the wonderful loving 118 months (to the day) with my beautiful sweet best friend and Dreamgirl (I called her DG, and she called me MM for Miracle Man).   

Comment by Laurieann McCarthy on October 9, 2016 at 1:34pm

Besides loss and grief the one main stream of this website and comments appear to be intense love and connection.  I keep trying to find myself grateful for having had someone to love so intensely b/c I don't think everyone does.  Our pain seems to be in proportion to our losses.

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