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Comment by stewart p on November 30, 2016 at 2:25pm

I don't think it gets "easier" with time.  I have found that these scars left behind only become more familiar with time and with that I simply learn to get through each day with them. If that could be described as becoming easier than I guess so, but its not what most would ever believe is easier.  We might remind ourselves from time to time that entire range of emotions we all have become so acquainted with by now which seem so daunting and painful are after all only emotions, feelings.  And like any type of emotions or feelings they come and go often less intense with the passage of time.  Hang in there you all, the bad days do pass and there are still good days ahead.  Some days the bad ones return but they will only last for a while if we dont let them consume us.  This experience Im sure of is one if not the most difficult roads any of us will travel but God willing we will learn to navigate through this too and continue moving forward in some meaningful way.  What that meaning for me specifically  has yet to reveal itself, or maybe it has and my emotions have kept me blinded from seeing it, however I am encouraged by little signs along the way that whatever it is I am getting closer to discovering and along with that some hope that I will survive and continue to move forward, not in the way I wanted but in a way I can.  Those precious few moments we were allowed to spend with a loved one truly were a gift if only for a short while.  Its all we could of ever asked or expected and to have believed otherwise was just make believe.  But for us who have come here unlike many of those around us in the world, we lucky few now know the full measure of what that gift is and the cost for admission is the pain and hurt we feel today.  For myself I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, I only wish i would of known then what I known now how I would feel now, that is my only regret in all this.

Comment by Elynn m on November 30, 2016 at 11:15am

Kathleen, I agree that the second year is worse than the first. This will be my second year without my wonderful husband. Last year was the first (he died in seot, 2015). The first year I was probably in denial, thinking that he was still going to be here (physically). Reality has set in by now, and it is harder. I still sign "grandma aND grandpa" on our grandkid's gifts.

Comment by kathleen akin on November 29, 2016 at 4:34pm

I'm not looking forward to this Christmas. Rocky's birthday was Christmas Eve...so this is not going to be fun.  I am going to stay with my daughter for about a week over Christmas, and hopefully that will keep my mind off things. Who knows. I feel sort of numb right now. But I know it doesn't take much to trigger the crying and hopelessness.

I keep hearing that the 2nd year is actually harder than the first. But that makes no sense. Has anyone else heard this? If so, why is that?

Thanks,

Comment by Elynn m on November 27, 2016 at 9:41pm

Maxey, you are so right.  I feel that God told me that He is my husband (from Isaiah 56).   I remind Him of His promises daily.   He is the only one I can be really honest with, and tell Him just what I am thinking.   You are right, daily prayer helps with daily peace to ease the lonliness.

Comment by bluebird on November 27, 2016 at 3:12pm

It's good that you were able to find a little bit of peace, Maxey.

Comment by Maxey on November 27, 2016 at 2:25pm

I have started a new prayer to God; on the very worst days I cry and tell him, "I am in trouble, I am in pain, I am sad and lonely, and I need your help today to get through this, please help me in some way." I have found that something happens that will get me out of my funk for a while. I know some of you are not religious, but, for me, it has gotten me through times when I was ready to do myself in.
When we are in this kind of searing pain, we need faith to help us get through the days.
Peace to all who are suffering this loss. After 55 years being with the most wonderful man, I know my life is over now. I have no illusions that I will be happy again ever. But I do need some peace every once in a while. If I can go for a few hours and be distracted, I do it.
I went to a comedy show with a friend, and I actually laughed for a little while. My husband had such a great sense of humor, so I did not feel guilty. I came home and told him that he would have enjoyed the jokes. It gave me a little lift for a while.

Comment by bluebird on November 27, 2016 at 2:13pm

{{{{{{{{{Louise}}}}}}}}}

Comment by Louise on November 27, 2016 at 1:12pm

Bluebird, you are so right; everyday just takes me further away from the last time I saw him and one more day into this horrible future I don't want. It sucks doesn't it? When people ask me how I am I now say "the same as yesterday, everyday is shit"; I'm not sugar coating it anymore for anyone else's benefit. At least we can come on here and not feel like we are the only ones suffering. Much love to you and everyone who is struggling x

Comment by bluebird on November 27, 2016 at 12:12pm

Louise,

In my opinion, the people who say "it will get easier" are saying that either because they want it to be true for you, or they hope that when they are in this horrific situation it will be true for them, or both. They likely don't mean to be insensitive asses about it, but they are.

I agree with you that it does not get easier. It only gets harder, because as more time passes that means it is longer since I have been with my beloved. Also, as time passes people tend to expect me to be "ok", even though I have explained to them many times that that is never going to happen. Life is gray and empty, and it always will be. Like you, all I want is to be with my love.

Comment by Louise on November 27, 2016 at 10:54am

Hi Michael

I know, this is one of the only places where I feel like I can come and talk to people who know exactly what I'm going through. It helps.

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