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Comment by Louise on March 15, 2017 at 11:05am

Beautiful pics xx

Comment by bluebird on March 15, 2017 at 10:31am

{{{{{{{{{{{Trina}}}}}}}}}}

Comment by Trina Mamoon on March 15, 2017 at 1:44am

Comment by Trina Mamoon on March 15, 2017 at 1:43am

Comment by Trina Mamoon on March 15, 2017 at 1:39am

Comment by Trina Mamoon on March 15, 2017 at 1:37am

I've not posted for many months, but have been reading your posts periodically. I went through some major life changes in the past few months and have been feeling like a displaced person, which I am. Joseph and I had been living and working in Alaska, but after Joseph's passing in August 2014, I found living there on my own to be a huge challenge given the severe climactic conditions and difficulty of traveling from and to the Great Land. So in May 2016 I took early retirement, sold our dream house, and relocated to Southern California.

Grieving and mourning Joseph's loss was already a lot to bear, but the string of these self-imposed life changes have made it even harder. Whatever little healing I may have been making since Joseph's passing two and half years ago, these changes put me back. I lost (of my own volition) our beautiful house, our/my wonderful friends, colleagues, and students who had been a big part of my/our life, and my profession. I loved teaching, and now I've had to say goodbye to that too with the other things I had to give up so I could leave Alaska.

It's been two months since I moved to my new apartment. Joseph and I always dreamed of moving to So California in our retirement, so it's been excruciatingly painful to find a new place and set up here without my darling Joseph. It just seemed wrong to be doing this without him.

Even though I didn't have the psychic energy to post here, I have been reading the posts once in a while. I've missed many of you, including Morgan, Bluebird, AnneJ, John T, Mel, and others and have kept you in my thoughts and prayers. Many of the feelings, fears, concerns, and thoughts you have been sharing here have, as usual, resonated with me. The most recent one by John T. John: we will never forget Diane's name. When I went into grief therapy (I had to take a few sessions when I took academic leave for a semester), one of the first things my therapist told me that grieving spouses are afraid that they will forget their loved one. And he told me not to worry on that score. He reassured me that we never forget those whom we loved more than ourselves. I know how true that is. Joseph's been gone for more than two and a half years, but my love for him has not diminished even by an iota. So for those of us here who are worried that we will forget our beloved's name, face, or voice, don't worry, that will not happen. They will forever remain alive in our hearts and in our memories.

Sending love to you all and know that we are not alone. The past few months, when it got really bad, I knew that I had a community of kindred spirits on this forum who would always understand me, empathize with me, and never judge me for my "weakness." So thank you all for helping me, unbeknownst to yourselves. 

Tomorrow, the Ides of March, March 15th is Joseph's birthday, he would have turned 52... Please keep him in your thoughts. Thank you!

Comment by bluebird on March 14, 2017 at 11:18am

Mel (and anyone else who has a recording of their spouse/partner's voice),

I recommend backing up that recording in a few different places, so that if one piece of electronics breaks, you will still have the recording in a few other places.

Comment by Mel Royer on March 13, 2017 at 7:49am

John....I am terrified of not remembering Nancy's voice. I have a recording that I listen to frequently so I don't forget. If I were to forget what she sounds like I would feel as if I lost everything. I understand your fear!  Take care!

Comment by Denise on March 12, 2017 at 9:37pm

John -

We will never forget your Diane's name.

When I dream about my husband George, I never see his face, I always see how he made me feel. I feel his warmth and love and when I wake up for the briefest of moments I will try to recall the dream hoping to remember seeing his face. Have no idea why I never see George although I KNOW he was in the dream.

Comment by Louise on March 12, 2017 at 5:56pm

John T

I've had a few dreams about my husband. One shook me up a couple of weeks ago, I was hosting a dinner party and my friends were there and my husband. We were sitting around the dinner table, my husband was at the opposite end from me which upset me in the dream because he always sat next to me. And everyone was talking and I kept calling to him and trying to wave at him from across the table but he couldn't hear me or wouldn't look at me. I tried to move closer to him but I couldn't. I remember feeling so relieved that he was there and anxious to talk to him and hold him. I wanted all of my friends to shut up and leave. I felt bereft when I woke up and cried. All I can say is: {{{hugs}}}

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