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Comment by Linda Engberg on April 9, 2017 at 3:33pm

Hi John T.

I have to fully agree with you that after 4 years of losing my Husband, everyone acts like he never existed.

Comment by John T. on April 9, 2017 at 9:01am

M Adams, I was touched by you writing that it helps when people say they miss your husband.  I have never heard anyone say that about my wife.  My family acts as if she never existed.  At least that's my perception.  They have no idea what to say and it's easier to just avoid the subject.  I hate the idea Diane will be forgotten when she meant the world to me.

Comment by M Adams on April 9, 2017 at 12:07am

What helps me is when people talk about missing my husband -- not that I want other people to suffer but the fact that others are grieving his loss is comforting to me. I wonder if most people are afraid to show that sense of loss to a bereaved spouse. Maybe they fear that the spouse will get too upset, or will resent some perceived presumption, as if they would be overstepping the spouse's unique right to grieve? Or maybe they don't continue to feel a sense of loss. Personally the moments where I have seen someone's sorrow or tears when my husband is mentioned really have been heartwarming for me in this bleak time.

Comment by Crystal on April 8, 2017 at 11:27pm

Alice, I felt the same way. My closest group of friends pretty much alienated me when ben was in home hospice, at first, I didn't underst and why they stopped talking to me, but then I realized it was probably because they are helpers, like they like to fix things, and they couldn't fix my situation. I mean, when he passed, they were all there within 20 minutes of his passing. Stopped what they did and we're by my side. Ibreally think it comes down to people not knowing what to say or do. I mean, people can say "I'm sorry for your loss' and 'let me know if u need anything:" just so many times. That's why we have this grouo, cause we know. We understand. Or at least we try. We all know it's not a pity party. Its grief.

Comment by Crystal on April 8, 2017 at 5:03pm

If you haven't heard it yet, I recommend listening to the song "home" by Chris tomlin. Brings me some comfort. Everyone in my family calls it 'Bens song' . It's so true.

Comment by Crystal on April 8, 2017 at 5:01pm

Same thing with ben. He gave all the glory to God. I'm so lonely, but my work here isnt finished. I know I'll see him again. I still have my kids. They keep me going. Also groups like this and a support group I go to. I'm a social person . If I leave myself alone with my thoughts, I'd go crazy.

Comment by Elynn m on April 8, 2017 at 4:49pm

Crystal,  that's the only thing I can think also.   Joe's work here was finished here, and God took him home.    I'm sure he heard the words, "well done, " , because his life was totally committed to Jesus.

Comment by Mary on April 8, 2017 at 11:38am

I agree with all of you. My thoughts are the same. We just get through the days. Everything has lost color... The world keeps going but I feel like I'm forgotten in it. I miss my husband every moment of every day. It will be one year April 26 - it feels like just yesterday but then again like forever. I'm living my worst fear like so many of you.

Comment by Kevin Bailey on April 7, 2017 at 9:58pm

I agree 100% with you Morgan, I just try to get through the day. It's like I'm doing time like someone in prison now. I watch others go on with their lives and I'm just in my own personal hell. I really hate when people asks me how I'm doing? Or how was my week? I wanna just scream when I hear that. I'm talking to a therapist but that really ain't helping, he hasn't been through what I'm going through, he's just telling me what he's been taught. This forum helps me as far as knowing that I'm not alone but in the end the pain is so much to bear. I'm in no condition to work and I've applied for disability until I get better but I still have bills now. I'm just afraid that I'll be forced to go back to work when I'm in no condition to so I don't lose my vehicle. I hate that I have to worry about that on top of everything else. I don't know how much more I can take or how long I can deal with what I'm already dealing with. I honestly don't believe that I will ever be truly happy again. I'm just gonna try my best to get through this miserable life until my day comes.

Comment by Crystal on April 7, 2017 at 9:42pm

The only thing that keeps me going is convincing myself that God thought that my loves work here on earth was done and he gained his reward earlier than most. Ben was the kindest most generous person I've ever met, and I think he did a lifetime of God's work in a small amount of time, thus giving him his right to go home. I kow I'll see him again. It's been 3 weeks from today that I lost him. And I don't really agree with the word 'lost'......I know where he is. He's no longer Germany in pain, he can walk and talk and sing and dance now . That gives me some comfort. But I miss him so much. I can't say it e nough. It's just not fair.

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