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Comment by Denise on June 18, 2016 at 10:02pm

How can I go on without my son?

Comment by Holiday Leinani Waits (Hashimoto on June 6, 2016 at 3:12pm

How do you forgive yourself when the person you need to hear forgiveness from can't give it you? How do you move on? My mother passed away 8 yrs ago (June 24th), guilt has been eating at me and seems to be getting worse with each year.

Comment by HelenB on June 2, 2016 at 7:43pm

Contd I don't long for my mom back. It means I cannot continue her rollercoaster ride, lies, noncompliance, or ever have the mom even a well known psychologist who knew, try as I might, I couldn't make her into the image I long was ingrained to love and put first. I would do grief counseling & would be grateful for a workbook ABT how to not let a huge part of me feel buried with her. It was her choice, not mine. In fact, I'm trying to survive a very serious medical condition. I'm nothing like my mom who I loved so much only to be treated like utter junk. I forgive her even though I have evidence she was well aware how she treated me. Grief therapy doesn't apply to suicide, esp of someone who had a personality disorder. It's abundantly frustrating & burdensome to try to perpetuate her false image. Still, it's also utterly painful to let go of the image and lies a dysfunctional mom who I was mom to ingrained in me to believe, her only daughter. She would cling to me and then be abusive, reckless, jealous, impulsive, and she lacked empathy and remorse. I spent most my adult life away (that saved me & I thought she was just too young to be a mom & that we grew up together). Ppl envied us. They saw me as the perfect daughter & i did everything under the sun to try to make her a real mom by being the best daughter I never made time to have, being too busy fulfilling my role as her daughter. She blamed me for everything. She didn't murder herself cuz she hated me (although the last several years and during childhood she was cruel and cold & did things I don't want to rehash for a year with a grief therapist looking for the few happy memories), but she did it cuz she didn't love herself. She wasn't capable of having normal relationships. I left home young and got my own identity & financial independence-I thought. I didn't ever face the fact that she wouldnt let me cut the cord. She threw tantrums fearing abandonment. I was ok, until I went back for medical care and realized I didn't know her and she didn't know me, despite her public persona & all I wished. Even my dad who met her very young and they were married until the end, asked me I thought she could kill him. I was shocked. He said he didn't know who the real (my mother's name) ever really was. Things got particularly bad her last several years due to rx drug addiction & some events in her life that made her feel afraid she was losing her sand castle. I feel sorry for her. She has sons who she" paid to love her" and they loved her bank account only & were extremely abusive. They didn't try to be the perfect children. My mom made her bed. She chased after their love like chasing after bad boyfriends and yet, nothing I did was enough. She encouraged them to be abusers to her, me and everyone they ever have known. She wanted family all with her but she drove wedges between us. She was a light switch. I was the loyal one. Now I realize I'm not as independent as I thought. I can't get used to the fact I will never have the mom I thought I finally won. I can't get used to the finality. Grief therapy doesn't work the same in this kind of situation. Even if my mom had done it with no expectation or history of mental illness or even if she had a hx of mental illness but was not hurtful to me yet ingraining enmeshment/engulfment, I'd still be dealing with whole set of additional issues. So, any suggestions how to get my sense of self back? I feel like I was pushed off a rollercoaster just before it crashed & im full of debris and can't find my way out of the carnival park. I used to be confident. When I got sick, I think she was happy & I found all her endless bragging and narcissistic supply I fed was actually severe jealousy. She wouldn't let me ever mention the life I made and I thought made her proud & happy. She even competed with my medical condition & has some mystery illness that was worse no one could diagnose. I still want my mom to be a mom. What help is there? Sry 4 typos

Comment by HelenB on June 2, 2016 at 6:54pm

I felt worse with my grief therapist. I lost my mom to suicide 17 mos ago. Suicide grief has a lot of layers. It's complicated, traumatic, unresolved & in my case, I grieved for my mom before she even died. Not all suicides are from depression. Traditional grief therapy doesn't help when the "suicide survivor" was trained to love a person who wasn't loving and left few happy memories (as much as I wanted them). I'm actually a psychologist & I have a good understanding of my mom's disorder. The 12 step link stated something like grief leads to depression.clinical depression and grief are NOT considered equal and there is no definitive causal relationship. Grief is not a clinical disorder, and it is not disordered to have grief/loss/trauma issues that don't meet criteria for a DSM DX, just because a loved one had the disorder that resulted in the unimaginable. It feels very bad & there are few who understand why we can't get over it on their timelines. A colleague of mine is well known for her research on grief. I agree with her that suicide support groups are usually more helpful than grief counseling. Workbooks tend to be for general grief due more to natural causes. Even in a violent, sudden death, there is not the element of rejection or desperately trying mtaintain a relationship with someone who, depending on the psych dx, may not have ever been capable of having a healthy relationship. It doesn't mean

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 22, 2016 at 4:19pm

im sic of fallin off loss lader u cud say my heds so mest up im ok 1 min nxt min im mest up 

Comment by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on March 29, 2016 at 1:16pm

Hello members,

We offer grief counseling at 25/hr.  

Grief Counseling includes:

• Private chat sessions 
• inspirational messages
• Skype sessions by request
• email sessions
• phone sessions
• workbook pages to assist with grief recovery
• all services provided by certified grief counselor

You can participate in the chatroom by accessing the Chat bar at the bottom of the page, by going to the Main Page Chat module, or by going to the Chat tab. From the Chat page or module, you can see the number of members signed into Chat and toggle your status as online or disconnected from Chat. You can also privately chat with a member or grief counselor.

Let me know if you would like a session and we can set up an appointment.  

Payment can be made via 

https://paypal.me/DianaYoung/25

You are not alone,

Diana Young, RD, LD/N, GC-C

Comment by Kristi on March 9, 2016 at 10:04pm

I'd like to try the grief counseling if possible

Comment by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on February 29, 2016 at 6:40am

Monica,  You can contact me via message here:  http://www.onlinegriefsupport.com/profile/DianaYoung

Comment by dream moon JO B on February 8, 2016 at 10:54am

yea its steps evry step i try 2 clim i fall off end up on step 1 thn i fall off step 1

Comment by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on February 6, 2016 at 7:52pm

12 steps - Grief

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