Hello brother and sister grievers of lost ones and still continue to be devastated?  Perhaps you are not - but I am.  It has been almost 8 years since the love of my life died while we were on holiday in Europe.  Details are cumbersome and I shall spare you but suffice it to say - I really and truly have never recovered - whatever the hell that means!!!  I long for someone to talk with who loves me and hears me.  I will settle for someone to talk with who does not love me but just nods their head in understanding whether they understand or not.   I have troubles - heartfelt saddest of all troubles.  Anyone relate?  Please and thanks.  

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10 years two months into losing the crucible of my fire and I just want out.  At 71 I have no need to be here.  I do things to distract myself and that has been a grueling process to get to this space and time where I dont end up in a puddle on the floor but every morning and evening I ask myself why am I still here.  And I don't subscribe to the reasoning that there is some "purpose".. I had purpose.  Now I exist.  It is what it is.  I pretty much stopped writing here a couple years ago because as much as it helped me to get through the first six years or so I just ran out of words to repeat over and over.  I pop in once in awhile but there is no way to describe or constantly explain the vacuum.....the abyss.......the hole.  BTW,  after eight years I was finally diagnosed with something called psychogenic seizures and it sort of helped as I realized I wasn't really mental, or abnormal but my grief/loss/sorrow definitely showed up in a physical sense.  When they come on me from a trigger (and that can be something that a I remember or someone else says or...) I at least know now what to expect and how I get through them.  Grief is underrated and understated but until you have to actually experience it you could never possibly understand.......

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Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
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Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

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