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Comment by Stephanie Stone-Merrick on August 10, 2011 at 11:05pm

I miss my son, Johrdan so much. He passed away on 6-20-11, he was 18 years old. My 5 year old daughter seems to be the most visibly affected of my other 4 kids. She cries at night for him in her sleep, and has horrible nightmares. They were very close, and she has asked me several times if I miss her "big guy" the way she does...and I tell her I do, and then I cry until my breath is ragged and I have a headache. I feel so crazy, b/c I have these other people *3 of them are still very young and one of them is older, 19* I need to tend to emotionally, as well as physically as for my younger 3 and I can barely wrap my mind around his death myself. And I don't want to hear, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" anymore!!!! I ended up on my knees screaming and asking what I'm supposed to be doing with all that he has given me. My 2nd oldest son is dead, my other children have no idea what to think or how to cope and I'm supposed to be the rock for everyone? What made him think my shoulders were built for such an overwhelming load?? My heart is shattered and I'm so lonely for my baby, he wasn't like some teens. He spent so much time at home, he loved being with his family. He was a giving, compassionate person. I miss him so so much, and all I have left are his ashes, his memories, and his school sweatshirt that I sleep with every night...there's no way I'm going to be able figure out how to live the rest of my life never seeing or touching him again. </3

Comment by Karen R. on August 10, 2011 at 10:33pm

Greetings Ronnette, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I did not lose a parent but as I mentioned previously, I did lose my 21 yr old son. It's been about 20 months since he passed away and I have not accepted it and I do not believe I ever will. The time that has passed has only increased my sadness and my anger, not softened it. Time just reminds me that the world is going on without my son. There are no laws that determine how long we should grieve and mourn for our loved ones or the way we should grieve. Grief is a individual thing but there are many of us that share the same feelings. I do not have any encouraging or uplifting words but I will say, like I have said countless times, this site is so important to me because my feelings and thoughts are validated and not judged. Everyone just tries to support each other the best that they can, who better to do that, then someone who has walked in your shoes. There are many groups on this site that may also be helpful and you can also start one of your own.

Hugs to you.

Comment by Karen R. on August 10, 2011 at 10:30pm

Greetings Ronnette, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I did not lose a parent but as I mentioned previously, I did lose my 21 yr old son. It's been about 20 months since he passed away and I have not accepted it and I do not believe I ever will. The time that has passed has only increased my sadness and my anger, not softened it. Time just reminds me that the world is going on without my son. There are no laws that determine how long we should grieve and mourn for our loved ones or the way we should grieve. Grief is a individual thing but there are many of us that share the same feelings. I do not have any encouraging or uplifting words but I will say, like I have said countless times, this site is so important to me because my feelings and thoughts are validated and not judged. Everyone just tries to support each other the best that they can, who better to do that, then someone who has walked in your shoes. There are many groups on this site that me also be helpful and you can also start one of your own.

Hugs to you.

Comment by Karen R. on August 10, 2011 at 10:19pm

Oh dear Carrie, I am so sorry for your tremendous losses, this is so tragic. I haven't loss a best friend but I did lose my 21yr old son.  I also have a best friend that is more like a sister to me and I can not imagine her no longer being here. All I can say is to keep talking about her and her baby. Once again, I am so sorry.

Comment by Carrie Hoskins on August 10, 2011 at 1:11pm

Two years ago, on 8/4/09, my best friends son lost his life playing the "choking game". His loss totally devastated my family. He was only 16 and I had watched him grow from this baby that I would rock to sleep to a wonderful young man with so much potential. The pain of seeing my best friend have to bury her child was almost unbearable. My pain was only compounded on 12/3/10 when my same best friend was murdered. You know how you have that 1 person you can count on that is there for you always, that is what Tina was to me. I love her like a sister and we shared so much. I just feel lost not having her here.

Comment by marlene lovell on August 7, 2011 at 7:35pm

Iam so Corinne...weeks...months..years..it doesnt get easier no matter how much time has passed......Today in church the sermon was about God has plans and sometimes we dont know why he does what he does..........I will think of you and my prayers are with you.

Comment by marlene lovell on August 6, 2011 at 8:08pm

Dear Corinne, Iam so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. When you said " every once in a while it hits so hard I can hardly breathe..." I know this feeling so well. I lost my husband on Jan 10, 2011 and people are telling me that its time to lessen the grief and move forward and I should not feel like this seven months down the line yet you lost your husband in 2001 and I can feel the depth of your pain through the words you write ten years after his death. I dont want to ever forget and it scares me that I will.

Comment by Karen R. on August 4, 2011 at 10:11pm

Greetings Kelly. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I loss my 21yr old son due to a motorcycle accident/murder. He was riding his his friend's motorcycle on a residential street when he was chased and rammed into an oncoming vehicle. He sustained a massive brain injury  and passed away a week later when I asked for the life support to be terminated, which I now deeply regret. I feel like I am to blame because maybe I didn't give him enough time to recover. At that moment, I thought that he looked so uncomfortable and his body needed a rest from the machines, I truly believed that he would be ok because he had, in previous days, taken breaths on his own and only needed ventilator assistance. The worst part is that I am a registered nurse but during this turmoil, I was just 'mommy' and this was my baby. I tuned out every negative thing the doctors told me. This is a nightmare that I haven't been able to wake up out of, this can NOT be real, I will NEVER accept this and I am still struggling with the idea of why I need to accept this. None of this is "ok". Parents don't bury their child! I think about if my son truly knew how much I loved and still love him, how much I need him. I took for granted that all of children would bury me.  I want my son son back!!!!!!

 

Thanks to all for listening.

Comment by Kelly Husak on August 4, 2011 at 9:48pm

My brother was killed by a runaway truck 2 months ago, he was sitting on a park bench and the truck came, hitting and pinning him against playground equipment that was near the bench. He was brought to a hostpital by Flight For Life, after being pinned for about 20 minutes. He had many broken parts, a collapsed lung, and almost none of his brain was working. He was in a coma. He stayed in the coma for 6 days- the day of the accident was may 20th and he died the 26th after all of my family decided to take him off of life support. The day he was hit, I was thinking of going over to where he lived (with his and my best friend) just to say hi, but i decided not to. I could've seen him one last time-- But i didn't. I don't remember when the last time was that i told him that i loved him or that i gave him a hug- I don't know if he knew how much he meant to me. We were very close- i dont know still what it's like to be without him. I keep thinking it was all just a dream, and that he's alright, and that he'll come back... but then i realize he never will....

Comment by Karen R. on August 3, 2011 at 9:02pm

Hello Denise , thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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