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Comment by Paige on February 25, 2016 at 2:50pm

My brother died on October 3rd, 2015. I will probably never be able to get that 5a.m. phone call out of my head. 

They had been having some drinks in a shed out at a farm in the middle of nowhere. A friend of his decided to make the mile drive up the road to his house. Of course, my brother and the other boy just had to go too. Boys will be boys, right? They left the other passengers girlfriend behind to wait. They successfully made it to the drivers house, and back. And yet, for reasons I may never understand, they kept driving. A few meters after passing the correct driveway, they hit a 100lb planter and rolled the truck driving at approx 140-160km/hr. There was no attempt to brake. The truck landed in a ditch, ejecting all three boys (no seat belts). The girlfriend of the other passenger heard the crash and called 911. However, my brother was pronounced dead at the scene. The other two boys spent a long while in critical care but are now okay.

It felt so unfair at first, that they got to wake away. They were all equally guilty and yet only my brother paid the ultimate price. The government has issued 8 charges against the driver. He's only 18! It feels like such a waste for him to spend years in jail. I'd rather see him use his second chance to make a difference. I understand its the law and they are required to charge him, I just think its sad. He needs to live with killing his best friend. 

The worst part in the aftermath is how much people expect me to be completely okay now. My brother came into my life when I was 5, he was 3. Not by blood. My parents had been divorced and he met someone else. The day they met I was blessed with a brother and a sister (in addition to my younger "blood" sister). We were so extremely close as children, more best friends than siblings. My dad and step mom often chose to live out in the country so it was often just the 4 of us. As I entered high school around Grade 10 (I am the oldest of the 4), we all drifted apart a little. We weren't as close in recent years (I am almost 22 now). So for this reason, people have this assumption I shouldn't be as affected by it. It stings. That was my best friend. My sibling. My only brother. I grieve for things that were, and things that never will be. I want people to understand and yet I'd never wish this pain on anyone. 

Im sog glad to have found a place to share the story with others who may be able to understand in some small way.

It all just feels so unfair. 

Comment by dream moon JO B on February 19, 2016 at 3:56pm

its ok

i just get sic wen i hear pepel winge thy brok a nail or cut fungr fingr thy moan tht panes is wrse thn a loss

iv had so mush loss i no wot apne pane is i do loss panes wrst 1 coz u cnt get ovr it u cnt 

a brokn leg/arm heals we cnt fix br ok enn herts 

im so brkn u cud saydnt espct 2 hav so ush loss sine 2012 but pele i t cry coz of a brokn nales or cut fingr cryin its end of wrld or pele cryin coz of a zit on fase try warkin my shosz i feal lk sayin on hear im alod 2 rant rav rambl on no tells me off thy dnt 

Comment by Minky Merlin on February 19, 2016 at 3:14pm

Hi Jo B. It took me a full 5 mins to decipher your text talk, it made me laugh at my own inability. Thanks for the laugh.

Comment by dream moon JO B on February 19, 2016 at 2:09pm

yep i so agrea minky it so iz 

u get hear pepl mon thy cut a fingr its end of wrld im lk try havin a loss in my hed tryin sea sum 1 u luv 2 a illns it trns thm in 2 strngr stager u cud say

iv sean it all im so fed up it lif on/off coz evry thn seams 2 go dwn pan wen s 1 dis dies thn lif seams 2 gt mre s shitty

Comment by Minky Merlin on February 10, 2016 at 4:09pm

Lifes a shit hole. Its been approx 6/7 weeks since David died and I am still up to my eyeballs with paperwork and forms and calls etc that on top of that life has to go on for my 15 yr and 8 yr old. The youngest is refusing to go into school and is hitting, kicking and punching me and objects. She has not been in school for 3 days despite all best endeavours. The GP has referred her to kids mental health and I had a social worker call round today as well. My eldest is reclusive and is piddled off with sister for not pulling her weight and taking all of my attention. I can't win. The cats are weeing and spraying all over the house and so I've stopped visitors. I am so tired the paperwork has built up and the house is a tip. I've no motivation to tidy or do anything. All I can think off is how to commit suicide, but I only plan it, I would never do it, I don't want the kids in council care. Its the half term holiday next week and I am dreading it, youngest has her ENT appointment in which they are going to decide if surgery on the unhealed grommet holes needs repairing, then the next day she is at a different hospital to see her physio therapy requirement for her hyper mobility. Then I've got to attend an Health Assessment to see if they'll put me back on benefits - so kind they are! This is when I could do with family at times like this. I have a mum and dad in their 70s but they are 200 miles away in a care home receiving end of life care. His only relative is a 73 yr old uncle who is as good as a chocolate fireguard and if he asks me one more time if he can have David's clothes or shoes I swear I'll scream. And one more thing  while I'm ranting, why is it when people find out its like they think they have permission to get all negative on you and tell you all the time one of their relatives dies or the pet hamster got run over, I seriously don't care. 

Comment by Minky Merlin on February 10, 2016 at 3:54pm

oh Karen, poor you. Its still raw for  you and I hope you find a little bit of peace through this web site. I too rocked back and forth and stomped my feet and shouted and screamed like a beehee moth, its peculiar isn't it. 

Comment by Karen Cowe on January 28, 2016 at 3:06pm

I can hardly believe that I found this chat room. Beceause when my Mom died it was so unexpected and shocking. One of the worst parts about it was she died in her condo alone . And I didn't find her for 7 days. I should have called to check up on her but for reasons unknown to me to this day I didn't. And for that I will never ever forgive myself. When my boyfriend ( now husband) came up to see if she was ok . He was already on his cell phone calling 911. He said he could smell an Oder through the doors. I took his phone and threw it and said how dare he. I had a key so we both came in bad I called out..MOM.. No answer I then started to go up the stairs where her bedroom is and called out again.. MOM.. No anise then the third time I screamed ..MOM... Then for reasons I to this day don't understand . I crawled up the remainder of the steps. In the meantime my boyfriend had gone into her room . I was laying on the floor looking at her bed( it was dark in the room) I couldn't see her. Little did I know at the time she was on the floor about 15 feet away from me. At that oping my boyfriend shook his head and said ... She's gone Karen.. I started to act like a crazy person I stared hitting him screaming at him telling him he was a liar . I must have called him every name in the book. The rage I felt towards him was unreal. After years of thinking about it I had no reason what so ever to have done that to him. Then the Sherriffs were called by one of the neighbors thinking there was a domestic situation going on. When they got there my boyfriend just pointed and told them to go upstairs . Still I wasn't done I kept hitting him as if he had killed her. I was COMPLETLY out of control. Then I called my older sister and son and they came up . While they we were all downstairs they started talking and at that point I just put my fingers in my ears and rocked back and forth . Then they came and took her body but before they did that my sister took me down to the pool area . So I wouldn't see or hear anything else. My life was forever changed on that day in June 17,2002.

Comment by Minky Merlin on January 17, 2016 at 5:36pm

Thank u all. Had Hubby's cremation on Monday and it was beautiful. Girls cried for the first time, I think for them rather than just been told Daddy's gone they actually saw proof. Since then the girls are shouting at each other and Iam trying to play the referee and I end up shouting! This next feeling I do not understand - I saw hubby the day he died 15th Dec 2015- but Still after the cremation I do not believe he could not physically be coming home. He use to work away in London for the last 10 yrs so I am use to waiting for him on Friday nights. Iam biting my tongue not to answer the phone with his name and I am sure he will come home. He could not leave me and the girls like this. He will come home -won't he. Iam going crazy. X

Comment by dream moon JO B on January 16, 2016 at 1:04pm

hi

minkey

sorry fr yore loss

i go on hear coz its 1 of safer sitses it is 

Comment by Minky Merlin on January 16, 2016 at 8:01am

Hi IAm new to all this social stuff don't do Facebook or anything I just have no interest. But, want to talk so I don't feel alone. Is this how u use this site?

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