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Comment by theresa ouellette (wells) on November 3, 2011 at 12:46pm

it has been a long time since i was here after the lose of my granddaughter and my mother i have a good days and bad days and i open them up and embrace it though i was at rock bottom at one point in my life threw this 10 months and thought of ending it all lost some friends along the way because they just showed me that they never even wanted to be there for me at all threw the time in my life i need someone it wasnt a friend it was my best friend my husband to be and i am very grateful and a few people here i was on for a short brief 2 weeks but i wasnt up to talking about the loses at that point i was in denial.....didnt want to except it but know threw life i cherish it all i cant help wonder why it took 2 deaths to make me realize life is short and i had hard time holding my other granddaughter that did survive but i am getting there with that and my daughter has been threw so much i just wanted nothing like this to happen to our family let alone i lost my mom 2 months prior...........but i am happy i do have days but i try to uplift myself i found for my experience threw my journey is that it never goes away but the best medicine is keeping busy for me i thnk about it but i think about how my mom was and how elli my granddaughter touched a lot of hearts and she will always have a piece of mine just wanted to stop bye and say hello to everyone and to say hi to the new ones that came as i took off i am addictted to a game on facebook called words with friends i am here to stay this time cause i am prepareing myself for the year of my mom and how i will handle it and my granddaughters too

Comment by anna l. on November 3, 2011 at 12:14pm

Hi Laura, I guess we all torment ourselves with the why questions.  I know I sure do.  You had one year, I had nearly 35.  It is never ever enough time.  When you find the love of your life you imagine growing old together.  To never have have to be alone again.  Yet here we are, alone, and worst of all the wonderful men that they were, gone from this earth.

Comment by Denise Murphy on November 3, 2011 at 11:02am

Beautiful quote so true!

Comment by Barbara Santoli on November 3, 2011 at 8:11am

That quote says it so well. Today is the 3 month aniversary and that quote really helped me start this day. Thank you for sharing

Comment by Kathy Felps on November 2, 2011 at 6:30pm

What a beautiful quote. Thanks for sharing.

Comment by Kathy Felps on November 1, 2011 at 9:41pm

Thank you all for your messages and sharing your experiences. Looks like I picked the right group to join and share this journey. May we all find peace.

Comment by Denise Murphy on November 1, 2011 at 12:44pm

Hi Kathy,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost a sibling my younger sister suddenly, she died in her sleep from a massive heart attack.  She was only 41 years old and I remember feeling exactly like you said "I can't believe I will never see her again on this earth.  She was not sick or over weight, she had been going to the doctor for a few months complaining and they finally scheduled her for a stress test that very day but she never made it there.  I cried for months sobbing and thinking could I have done something, I was in the world of I should have or I could have and on and on.....But I finally realized I could not change anything that has happened by reciting the Serenity Prayer sometimes 100 times a day.  The things that helped me was I went to the library and read books about grieving and healing.  I also created some scrapebook pages.  She left two young children 10 & 8 and I try to keep her memory alive for them.  Seek out a bereavement group, you find people that have similar feelings and you share your stories with each other, it really does help.  It does get better but I find with every loss I am never the same person I was before their loss. I wasted time just wishing to be that same person, I guess with every life experience we are changed, but when it happens so suddenly and such a close person it can feel catastrophe leaving us feeling vulnerable.  I personally will never get over this, I have learned how to live with it.  I used a journal to help me deal with my feelings, I also wrote her a letter from the heart expressing everything I wanted her to know.  As Anna mentioned helping others  is helping her I find that to be true.  Give yourself some time to grieve and take care of yourself, everyone does this differently, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, it's your way.  I will keep you in my prayers!

God Bless,

Denise

Comment by anna l. on November 1, 2011 at 10:14am

Kathy Im very sorry for your pain.  You asked if crying is the only way to grieve.  My experience has been that yes, in the beginning that is about all I could do.  It has been 4 months today for me since my husband passed away, and this Saturday it will be 19 months since our so34 year old son died in his sleep.  I dont cry all day every day now, but I do still cry quietly alot of the time.  I will be sitting watching tv, or listening to people around me talk, or be trying to talk about something past and the tears just roll down my cheeks.  The deep sobbing is mostly at night now, or when something really triggers me.  I have been working through my grief of my husband by sorting his stuff, a little bit each day.  I havent given anything of his away except a few chosen pieces to our children and grandchildren.  I have decided to join a volunteer organization that provides Christmas food hampers each year, and I hope to volunteer at the soup kitchen as well, as soon as my application is approved.  It will be good to get out of the house on a regular basis and do something worthwhile at the same time.  So for now, that is how I am grieving.  But everyone goes on this journey in our own way and whatever you are feeling, or needing to do is normal.  Please remember to be kind to yourself, eat regularly, sleep regularly, talk to people as much as you can.  Bath, dress and do your makeup and go out for a walk.  Give yourself permission to grieve but also give yourself permission to be ok, to keep living.  You are not alone.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Kathy Felps on November 1, 2011 at 8:49am

Hi everyone, my name is Kathy and I am new here. I am looking for help in how to deal with sudden loss. My brother was my best friend and on October 5th, he suffered a brain aneurysm and by the time he got to the hospital, he was in a coma from which he never recovered. It was inoperable and on Octover 12, we had to remove the life support and he passed the next morning. He was only 55 years old. I thank God everyday that he had the ability to call me so I could get to him and call 911.

 

Bruce was my only sibling and I lost my mom to Alzheimer's 6 years ago. My father is 81 years old and now I am terrifed of being left alone. I have cried and cried but is this the only way to grieve? I miss my brother so much and can not believe I will never see him again on this earth. I feel like a huge part of me had been ripped from my soul and it feels like I will never be whole again.

Comment by marlene lovell on October 30, 2011 at 12:28pm

Thank you to all who responded......knowing you are there when I need you is comforting.....

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