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Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on April 3, 2012 at 12:30pm

im not writing about grief of loss, its loss of myself, im very depressed and trying to get help, i know there are others depressed here too, but im hoping someone has advice as to where i should turn, i think its turning into clinical depression, i dont want it to get to the point where i take my life, the last two days have been a struggle to stay alive, i dont want to feel this way and i need help badly....any suggestions from anyone i will check this site again soon....

Comment by mercy on March 27, 2012 at 7:35pm

Thanks for those comforting words Bonnie. I struggle to make sense of the losses I've experienced in the last one and a hlf years; I too feel like I could have done or said something to convince my brother to take his medicine as prescribed, I feel my mom should have gotten different treatment, etc, etc. My sister just lost her husband in a car wreck, he was only 60; I wonder how many times she wishes she would have been the one driving, maybe she would have seen the obstacle on the road? Its just so hard and its true, we will never understand Gods ways, atleast not until we get to the other side. I feel everyones pain and I'm so sorry.

Comment by Bonnie Elizabeth Fleming on March 26, 2012 at 11:18am

Hi Nadia,

 

I know what you mean!  I guess I just thought of writing to let you know that sometimes even if you ARE there, there is no way to save the situation.  My sister died while we were driving and we were in a remote place on the highway, not too close to any town with emergency services.  I pulled over to the side of the road and called 911 immediately after I noticed there was something wrong at 2:28 the day after Christmas in 2011.  The EMT did not arrive until 3:15!!  That whole while I was doing CPR and although many many cars passed me on the road, not a single solitary person stopped to help with the CPR.  I am saying this to let you know that sometimes even if you have done EVERYTHING you personally can do, even if you had been right there with your sister...there is still a possiblity that your sister could have still passed away.  I don't know what your belief system is, but I hope that your belief system allows you to understand that sometimes things like this happen and do not, can not, will never ever make total sense in our earthly minds, but they DO make sense to the being that controls the universe.  For me, for instance, I know deeply in my heart that God must just have needed my sister up in heaven with him.  Maybe it was to save her some pains down the road because my sister was in constant pain from some car accidents that she had had, maybe it was to change my focus in life, maybe it was to have a good conversation partner for himself  up in heaven...I just don't know the WHY.  I do trust, though, that God has a reason and a purpose...and strangely enough, that gives me a sense of peace.

Love

Beth

Comment by nadia on March 26, 2012 at 10:25am

males no sense... how abruptly life is changed forever for the worse.. My brian still plays trick and refuses to accept what has happened.. I play and replay the last conversation with my sister the nite before (she was sooo sweet and only spoke to get for a few minutes as I was busy) and next morning she was gone...still sooo raw ... can't imagine what mam may be feeling as my sis call her this fatal morning to tell her she is not feeling well, mam asked if she needs to come over but she said she called back to tell she is feeling but better and then a mere 20 min later she was gone... I even play this in my head and keep breaking in smaller and smaller pieces.. I cry because I was not there because she was alone when she could have been saved if ambulance got there in time...I miss her and want yo undo things... but cannot..How can my baby sister be gone.. we were sooo full of plans for the summer so excited... happy life has stopped for me that dreadful day 21/05/2011.... 

Comment by christianlee on March 25, 2012 at 8:51am

So sorry to hear Michelle. Thinking and praying for you.

Comment by Michelle W on March 24, 2012 at 11:53pm

Sudden loss is so unexplainable and painful.....I was texting with my 17 year old son 2 minutes before he was taken from me in a auto accident were a friend of his was driving and in a second he was gone.... Why so he could go to his schools playoff football game ....school spirit.... Last two words from my son on his way home... We won...

Comment by Barbara Santoli on March 14, 2012 at 9:25am

Thank you Anne. Glad you are back. You are so right learning who we are now is not easy. We did not choose this. I think I was doing better when our weather was cold and gray. I guess it matched my mood. Now we are having beautiful weather and  I am feeling more lost. I've been walking and that helps and trying to look forward. I think doctors generally do not take womens pain seriously. They think all of our pain is emotional. I wish for you some relief and answers. Its the unknown that is so frightening. You do hold all of us in your arms, we all feel it. My love and best to you. A feeling of peace for all of us, if only for an hour or a minute.

Comment by anne on March 13, 2012 at 1:58pm

Hello everyone! I'm back! Not fixed but none the less i'm back. It's hard to explain but sometimes when doctors come across a grieving mother they someitmes think the pain is greif. Its wrong but it is what it is. So I will wait it out until they finally come to some sort of descision as to how to help me. Anyway i've been reading on this site and when I do I wish I could just reach out to all of you and hold you in my arms. You are all very special people and we are all so important to eachother. Happy Birthday John! I will be 52 in july. Dear Mercy you are not alone we are all here for you. I still burn food and i'm generally a very good cook but I too get absent minded. I cooked a stew once that even the neighbors pigs wouldnt eat! It's all part of the process. Dear Rachel congratulations on you upcoming wedding. I wish you all the best. Dear Barb, accceptance is a very hard thing. I know I'm not the same person I was before all of this. It took a very long time to find out who I am now and sometimes i'm still unsure who I am but I do know that I have found strength and other things I didnt know I had before the loss of my boys. I am a different person now but I learning to trust and love the person I have become. I always say that I cant change whats happened but I can learn from it and use what wisdom I have gained to help someone else. Love to all

Comment by mercy on March 12, 2012 at 12:44pm

Hi Rachel, thank you so much for your love and support, it means a lot to me. I've been very ill with the flu since Thursday and have not been able to check my email. Its always good to hear from you, you are a loving, caring person, sent to me for a reason. I'll be thinking about you, congratulations on your upcoming wedding, get me your address so I can send my gift out to you.

Thanks.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 8, 2012 at 8:00pm

my message is to MERCY just so you see it hun lol

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