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Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on October 14, 2012 at 3:53pm

Does anyone have a hard time being grateful at times? I have everything I need to survive, but I'm so unhappy without my mom!

Comment by Charlotte on October 14, 2012 at 9:13am

I lost my mum August 23 2012. She was only 54. She died of sudden heart failure in her sleep while visiting my siblings in Australia. We had no idea anything was wrong with her heart. I'm 19 weeks pregnant. I had waited until I was exactly 3 months gone to publically announce it. That was the day she died. I was so excited about that day. Looked forward to it as it was the 'safe' time. Feel sick thinking how I looked forward to that day now.  She was the very first person I told and I'm very grateful for that. She was so excited, more than me I think! It was/is her first grandchild. My poor baby now has no grandparents at all. My father abandoned us when I was very young and my husband's mother is deceased and his father as useless as mine. I remember saying to my mum I was sad that my baby wouldn't have a grandfather as I was so close to mine. The baby would have only her. She would have made up for not having the other 3. She would have been the best grandmother a child could ask for. I don't know how I'm going to enjoy this time being pregnant and becoming a mother myself without her beside me. She was literally my best friend in the world aswell as my mum. I could (and did) talk to her for hours daily. We could just talk and talk and talk. I don't have that with anyone else. I feel very alone. My husband is wonderful but it's not the same. I miss her so much and I feel completely robbed that she was taken so suddenly and so young. I'm 28, I should have my mother. My poor grandmother is 84 and still going! How is that fair? I love my grandmother but it just seems life is very cruel to take my mother at 54 and leave my grandmother in constant physical and emotional pain at 84. I haven't been on any other sites like this so I don't really know what to expect. I know no-one can fix this, I guess I'm hoping someone can tell me how to try to be happy again? It doesn't feel like that can happen. I miss her every minute of every day. Thanks for reading.

Comment by Kitty Peine on October 12, 2012 at 7:27am

I agree, Kali. It is just not right.

Comment by Kali Grainger on October 11, 2012 at 8:00pm

I just want to say it makes me gut wrenchingly sad that we are all going through this... You never think it's going to happen to you...

Comment by dream moon JO B on October 4, 2012 at 3:31pm

YES KITTY PEOPLE SAY THNGS SUM TIMES THE RIHT WORDS SUM TIMES THE WONG WORDS ITS HARD TO STAY STRONG 

Comment by Kitty Peine on October 4, 2012 at 8:07am

people say the darndest things. They are trying to help, but the only ones that can are those of us who know what you are going through. Joining this site is a good thing.

I smiled at your wtf. that's all we have been saying for 9 months now. Wow. 9 months...I still cant believe it. I am sorry to say the pain will never go away, you just learn to live with the hole. When I lost my son in 1990, i had 5 sons left to care for. there were days i thought that was unfortunate because that meant i had to pick myself up faster because i had to care for them. The first year i couldn't do it so i took them to counseling. now i know it was fortunate i had them to care for. in january, when another of my boys was killed, here i am again.

both of my boys were accidents, so yeah, i get what you mean that God just flipped the switch and bam, they are gone. we just sit and shake our heads cuz we don't get it. 

know that there will come the time when you will laugh again. never with as much abandon but you will. and it will be....'ok'. It is a hard role to be both parents, the boys dad was there, but not active...at all. sometimes i think that was ok.

but i am rambling....sorry. I am so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you and your children.

may God grant you peace.

Comment by Joseph G. Bartlett on October 4, 2012 at 7:01am

im new to this and dont know where to begin  in one day  in less than 30 mins i lost my bestfriend for 26Yrs and my wife for 14yrs this oct.9 2012 my sole mate the most loving wonderfull mother of five children  on sept.16,2012 H.C.M which is HYPERTPORPHIC which is AND GET THIS she died from having an enlarge heart-heart disease (she allways had a big heart) that and being diabetic didnt help she was perfect  no signs NOTHING AT ALL & no she didnt have a stroke or a heart attack H.C.M  mainly kills by SUDDEN DEATH and thats what happen here one min gone the next like god turn off her light switch she didnt even have a secound to feel eny pain thats how fast it was YOU CAN tell im still in aww over this  i've taken on two roles now [MR.mom] figuring things out as i go .me and my wife were only child in our family thats why we kinda had five kids so niether of them would half to grow up alone but it sucks for me because i dont have eny adults to talk to ..im alone in this sorta  my wifes friends are really trying to make things confortable for me but its just not the same  AND ITS ONLY BEEN 19 days wtf .. and i have the rest of my life  with this ??people say -Oh it'll get better ,baby steps,be be strong for your kids dont do eny thing stupid, or she would of wanted that way thats advic for dealing with my wife and my children BUT what about dealing with me??  well thanks 4 letting me vent  .lol  everbody  i write at night  thats the only time i have for me to think

Comment by Kali Grainger on September 25, 2012 at 8:34pm

We went to the cemetery for the first time since the burial... Can't believe it's been 3 months today.  I took our baby girl and Chris' best friend who wanted to know where it was. We left him flowers... I miss him so much

Comment by Kitty Peine on September 25, 2012 at 7:13am

Kali, I know what you mean. When my boys and I get together, I get angry with them for laughing. I never say anything because I know how unreasonable that is. But anger is what surfaces inside me. Kev's son Preston's birthday was in July and Uncle Cory, Kev's bro, put Preston's bike together. Kevin should have been doing that.

The pain does seem to get worse. Maybe because the numbness is wearing off. It all sucks.

Comment by Kali Grainger on September 24, 2012 at 9:09pm

Past week has been pretty bad.... Could be that tomorrow is the 3 month mark.. that and Ellis' baptism was last sunday.  Hate doing important things without him.. It's not right. It feels as though if the pain gets even slightly more intense that my heart will just stop because it can't take anymore..

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