Comment

Comment by Kitty Peine on November 21, 2012 at 1:44pm

Debra- I am a quilter and Kevin was a donor. I wonder if the group Kev donated to does that. I will have to check it out.

Kev had written in his journal "There is nothing more comforting then being so completely yourself." We had that saying put on the back of t-shirts. We are going to wear them to thanksgiving.

 

Hi Betty, welcome. This is a place nobody ever wanted to be, but are so thankful that blogs such as this exist. I am so sorry for your loss.

Comment by Debra A. Whitemaine on November 21, 2012 at 1:36pm

Hi Betty,

Welcome to our group but so sorry for your loss and experience.  Losing a loved one is bad enough but to watch them die from an error must be even worse.  My condolences to you and your family.

Comment by Debra A. Whitemaine on November 21, 2012 at 1:34pm

Hi Kitty,

Sorry for the pain you are feeling.  It is the reality that hits us when we have to complete tasks like that.  So glad you are going to get ornaments to honor your boys.  I just found out that "Gift of Life" organ donor association, makes quilts with patches from the donor's families.  I plan on making a patch for the quilt to honor my Dad.

Comment by Betty on November 21, 2012 at 12:00am

I lost my brother suddenly by hospital error. I watched him die. The trauma is unreal.

Comment by Kitty Peine on November 19, 2012 at 7:16am

Last Friday I had to take Kevin off my beneficiary list. I was bawling at work and 4 or 5 others were bawling with me. uffda. Some weeks are just so hard. These holidays coming up aren't going to be much fun. For Christmas I am going to try to find ornaments for Kevin and Craig and give each of my boys and Kevins Katie for their trees. And a set for me of course. Just a little something. I dont know what else to do.

Comment by dream moon JO B on November 17, 2012 at 3:28pm

im still trying to sort out old fotos and trying to fix som of the old 1s up trying to stop my sister from throwin thm all out wish i wont do im trying to mix old fotos wit new fotos wen my dad died we wote leters to put in his coffen and fottos i cut a bit of my hair off i did and put it wit his leter i no thy all got cremated but at lest he had som thngs to take with him up in heven iv bean taking a lot of fotos i posted 1 the other day on thiss group page thm 2 birds in the graveyard lookg for food i felt gulty tht i did not hav any on me to giv to thm thrs a lot of wildlife in thr i somtimes foget my mini camcorda wit me to catch som of thm 

Comment by Debra A. Whitemaine on November 17, 2012 at 7:51am

Thank you Kitty and Dennis.  Dad loved motorcycles and helping others.  He always attended MDA camps to give rides to the children.  I have already spoke to someone about going to the camps next summer.  My husband and I  plan to attend the MDA ride in May on Dad's motorcycle.  I have called several people that Dad always checked in on, following in his foot steps. 

 

I have kept many momentos, some seem ridiculous or odd but they mean something to me.  I even have a locket with some of Dad's beard hair in it.  It was very comforting to touch his hair again.  I do keep a daily journal of my health and have written about Dad and yes it is helpful.  Just been a really rough week.  I think I just need to cry it out.  I have also been taking care of selling things from Dad's estate, this is also tough.

 

Thank you for your help and listening to me.

Comment by Dennis C. on November 17, 2012 at 7:14am

Here is something that I just read. Thought it was good enough to share

Allow yourself to remember. Try to recall happy memories of the times you shared with your loved one, perhaps by looking at photos. True, remembering those times might be painful at first. In time, though, these memories may help you to heal rather than cause you to hurt.
You might even try keeping a journal. In it you could write about your pleasant memories and even include the things you wish you could have said to your loved one while he or she was still alive. It may be easier for you to put your feelings into perspective when you see them on paper. Writing might also provide you with a healthful outlet for your emotions.
What about keeping mementos? Opinions on this vary, and that is hardly surprising, since each person grieves differently. Some feel that holding on to personal effects is an impediment to recovery. Others find it helpful. “I’ve kept many things that used to belong to my mom,” says Sally, quoted earlier. “It’s a good way to cope!”*

I really like the "keeping a journal" suggestion.

Anyway, just thought I would share.

Comment by Kitty Peine on November 16, 2012 at 7:55am

My grief therapist told me to take what my sons were about and live that forward.

What did your dad have passion about? What is something you can throw yourself into because of or for your dad that would continue his efforts or beliefs. Do something that would benefit the public and especially you and your family. Doing something positive because of who your dad was/is keeps your dad alive and you going forward. Yes, he died. But, more, remember how he lived and now you carry on his memory but doing the best you can at what he believed in or had a passion for. Make him even more proud of you then he already was.

This could be the hardest thing you have ever had to do, but do it for him and you.

Just a thought.

Comment by Debra A. Whitemaine on November 16, 2012 at 7:37am

I am having a tough week.  8 weeks ago today my Dad passed.  Lately I feel like it happened all over again.  I cannot speak to him or about him without breaking down crying.  I went to see him and I just wanted to lay next to his grave.  I want another hug so badly.  My heart is hurting still/again.  My father was cremated but I feel his body/presence is at the grave.  I go see him weekly.  I haven't been able to switch my thinking/feeling that his spirit is always with me.  I have an attachment to his physical being.  Can anyone help me transition my thinking/feeling?  Or is it okay and it will take time?

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