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Comment by Ali on February 7, 2014 at 12:45am

It will be 4 years on the 12th Feb that i lost my loving parents in one nite. they were brutally murdered. my mom died that nite,..and dad lived in vegatative state for 5 months. but to us he died that nite as well. heartache doesnt get better. just learning to live with it. still feels like yesterday. seeing what they looked like...what they did to my core, my mother. nothing justifies what they went through. ...the men that did this is in jail... 2 of them...other suspect walking the streets of my town...authorites said ,...dont worry he has AIDS , he wont live long....my childhood home of 40 years turned into bloodbath, hellhole in one traumatic nite. my mom was 71 and my dad was 75. middle class pensioners....family and their grandchildren changed forever.

Comment by Annette Dominguez on February 4, 2014 at 10:12am

Yesterday would have been my husband's 55th birthday. I cried almost all day. It has been 3 years but the grief is still there. I pray it will get easier but this last holiday season was the hardest ever since my husband died. I guess I am finally waking up from the fog. I miss him so much.

Comment by dream moon JO B on January 23, 2014 at 4:39pm

i got a eaml off foto buckt thse pics i got mde me feal smil a bt wish i v not dun for long t smiled a lot but 2 day i fnd ths pics soet of md me feal a nit happy i no i nfnd sataays very hrd now i do but ths pics  

#

i just hp thy mk evry els feal ok

Comment by Mark on January 22, 2014 at 11:23pm

Anne,

 

I wanted to thank you for your comments and posts. I just read one I think you had directed to JLL.

 

I liked the part about "....pray that a little bit of sun shines in your hearts if only for a moment...."....   . Today was tough at times. Where do I begin, I think specifically theres times lately I realize (as silly as that sounds - "realize" ) that my mom is gone; it will be two years in May; as I type this my eyes are welling up. I miss her so much. I've had some strange dreams in my sleep lately sort of involving her. It's like she is there, and now I am just rambling.  I go into stores - and try to avoid certain ones we went to together, because it is too tough.  When I have to go somewhere we used to go to and can't really avoid it, it gets to be tough - still.

 

I appreciate this site; I am going through a grief group again soon, and I hope some of that will help. I just miss her and know she is gone, but it doesn't take away the pain. It feels wierd a year and half approx later it feels this way, but it does.

 

Thanks for reading and letting me type this.

Comment by anne on January 22, 2014 at 8:08pm

You are so welcome. It doesn't matter how old you are when you lose your mother, it's so very painful at any age. I wish I could just wrap you up in my arms, and hold you like your beautiful mother used to. I have lived through many things in this life, and I have learned more than I ever wanted too, so that's why I share. Tomorrow is another day, and I pray that a little bit of sun shines in your hearts if only for a moment. Peace and Love to all.

Comment by JLL on January 21, 2014 at 11:03pm

Dearest Anne,

Thank you sooo very much for taking the time to share your feelings, thoughts and personal experience with me.I hope very much that I find a less panicked and tormented existence within...Again, thank you! Peace and Love to You~

Comment by anne on January 20, 2014 at 1:08pm

Hi Mark,

I lived in darkness for a long time. It didn't do me or the ones I love any good. Little by little I realized that no matter what I do or how I feel nothing will change what's happened. I was left with 2 choices. I could either let death take me too, and let it take victory over me, or I could make the effort or at least do my best to work at letting the sun shine a little brighter every day possible. I chose to do the work. I chose to live. I don't worry about my faith anymore. I know it's there, and I know I can count on it when I need it. Faith is something nothing nor nobody can ever take from you. If it goes away trust me when your ready it will come back. It's funny how when you begin to let just a little bit of positive into your heart, more begins to grow. When I have bad days, and they do happen, I have the good ones that I've allowed to grow within me to help me through it. Now when I think of my sons the love over powers the grief. The laughter over shadows the tears. Sometimes without the bad we forget to realize just how wonderful the good is. I'm not much for organized religion, but I know my own truth in my heart, and in my soul, and I am a child of God. Peace and Love!

Comment by Mark on January 19, 2014 at 9:41pm

Anne,

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. While your thoughts were not directed to me specifically, the part about ....finding your faith....has helped me a bit today in realizing I just have to try and find a positive way or ways that will work for me in "moving on ".

 

Certain things just take me down a sad road in my mind, and I am trying really hard to turn the page on parts of things. I realize I need some positive things more in my life.

 

Thank you.  Mark

Comment by anne on January 19, 2014 at 3:11pm

It certainly happened for me! When my 12 year old son was burned to death in a car accident I honestly believed that neither love nor Joy would ever come into my heart. For a long time I fought against any kind of goodness. I tried hard to not love anyone including my grandson, my daughters, and my husband. As the gift of time began to help me heal I realized how much more important love, and joy is and that death is a thief, and it will steal my loved ones, but it can't steal the love that was shared. I started feeling again. I began to live more good days than bad. Then it happened again. My oldest son Ben was killed, and my daughter half destroyed in a another car accident. Once again I tried to give up but I couldn't. I had a daughter who needed my love and support more now than ever. Through it all I began to find my faith. My faith, not the churches, not the families, not anyone else's mine. Since I found my faith I have healed immensely. I've been learning who I am, and how I want to live, love, and be loved. Sure I still have my days where the darkness comes and does it's best to knock me down, but now I have my own personal faith that helps me pull myself up a bit easier. Peace and Love!

Comment by Danny on January 18, 2014 at 7:25pm

Great post Anne and I certainly hope that what you say happens i.e. the feel, see and hear.  One thing though I really feel is that parents are indeed watching over me.  I pray for them too.

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