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Comment by stewart p on May 4, 2017 at 12:07pm

Coming up on 4 years for me after being married 23 and have my world shaken apart all in lousy piece of sh5%t night.  It is hard, up and down and all around, one day better, next day worst.  Ive been to bereavement groups, counseling, no drugs tough legal or otherwise, hold up in my house for weeks on end with the shades drawn, you name it I been there.  But life goes on with or without and frankly im tired of it rolling me over and feeling like a truck just hit me.  By the 2nd year or so i just simply forced myself to start doing things, biking, hiking, school, new jobssss, and im still working on it but its getting better.  My life that is, the missing the other person you shared so much of your life with aint evern going away, get use to it, you better.  I have, its just part of who i am today, but it doesnt have to control or dictate the life i live going forward.  But the one thing I started to really realize, or wake up to lately espeically after sharing so many years of my life with someone and building my world around them, with her gone Ive been lost for 4 years, and still even today Im really not sure where to go, what to do, methaphorically speaking.  The kids are on their own, the house is empty and she is gone and I dont know.  the center of my world is gone and has been gone and while Ive employed some hands on experieinces to get out of the house and begin doing things the underlying reason is a little vague these days and most noticable when i come home at the end of the day and she aint there, which then begs the question did i really need to come home any longer to this place?  And while I could choose to keep doing so Im not sure why i would, and so right now for me, its more to do with finding a reason to the things im doing.  I mentioned im back in school part time, new career, but honestly there are times i ask myself why, what for?  I know originally it was to break out the rut i had found my self in after her death, but not im looking for a reason to do it.  IDK, maybe I wont, maybe I'll try something new next week, but somewhere somehow there is something of a life left to be lived for me as sad as it is without her.

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 4, 2017 at 11:47am

Thing is how do we know what they'd want, I know they'd want us to be happy and not be in pain, but then they would be the same if we'd died, I don't think Shirl would expect me to just carry on, she would know I be in bits. I don't think she will be happy without me either, trouble is we do have a choice but it's being brave enough to make it, which is scarier, living this life alone for years and years or taking a quick get out and hopefully being reunited.

Comment by Jerry on May 4, 2017 at 7:17am

Life is so weird, like a totally different dimension, different planet, out of the world. It's like I transparently spectate in this new life with every thought having to pass through a barrier wall of my beloved. I miss her so much, and just keeping clicking off the days as I get them, knowing some day I won't have to do this anymore, but no clue as to when, so, as she would want, make it work the best you can, you have no (good) choice.

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 4, 2017 at 4:41am

Each day is getting worse, it's coming up to 8 weeks, how how have I survived 8 weeks without holding, talking,laughing,speaking, 8 months of hell and pain and knowing this is my future.
I can't go on like this, I really don't see the point. People say I am coping well,Ffs! I'm doing only what has to be done, I'm crying all the time, even when working. I can't eat or sleep. I hate being in bed as its a huge empty space. I can't afford to stay in our home but how the hell can I sell it, so I just do nothing. I have poisonous people trying to hurt me more,that makes me laugh as if anything can hurt more than this, they can send their solicitors letters I just burn them. Nothing in all my 52 years has prepared me for this pain.

Comment by karen stephenson on April 20, 2017 at 11:11pm

Just lost my best friend to a sudden death. I am lost and desolate with grief. Don't know how I can go on now.

Comment by nicole rae on April 12, 2017 at 10:29am

its nice that someone would call and ask how you are, however they nor you should expect a timeline on "feeling better", its been five years for me since the suicide and it still feels like yesterday. The only people who will understand are those who have experienced the same. It is not the same kind of grief when its a suicide or an unexpected death that happened tragically or in a way that scars you forever. Give yourself some room to breathe and anyone who infiltrates your energy with negativity needs to be distanced from. It took me a year or three to deal with "the others" and I call them that because now its simply two groups those who understand and "the others" who don't. Sending love and positive thoughts to all of you, focus on one day at a time, that's all you need to do.

Comment by dream moon JO B on April 9, 2017 at 5:17pm

for me over 5 yrs i no n hear notimlimet hw long we grief cud be 10 yrs or 00 100 yrs we cud still gruef we cud 

im still not me lady iwz in 2012 she died 2 wen her dad died thn multi loss non 2 evry loss bit of me died 2 

im a crash u cud say im nt a survir im not me ill never be me evr agan 

no 1 wote a rule bok on hw we shud gref

Comment by Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong on April 9, 2017 at 5:09pm

Jackie, I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about. I don't like to wish that bad things happen to people. but I often wonder how all these people that think we are weak, and should get over it. how would they act if faced with the same trauma. I am pretty sure, that they would absolutely fall apart. We are so much stronger than they could ever be.

I don't know about you but I know that through out my 55 yrs I have faced and overcome several bumps in the road. But this last bump was worse than anything I could have ever imagined. It's 18 months later and I struggle daily, has I am sure you and everyone else on this site is. I'm glad I found this site. I hope the few comments I do make help someone.

Sorry for loss and your continuing struggles.

Comment by dream moon JO B on April 9, 2017 at 5:15am

sorry for evrys 1s loss 2 on hear

Comment by dream moon JO B on April 9, 2017 at 5:15am

yep thy r jackie iv had thng lk or he wz only yor dad get ovr it or im not bean fiar 2 ther fealins 

or i shud grow up coz im griefin for ateson how can any 1 grief for ateson its missin luvd 1s we loss it kills us evry day 

iv had s o mush loss sisne 012 1212 yr 2012 cnt feal keybords coz my hnds gon num 

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