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Comment by Jim Eginoire on December 6, 2010 at 8:32pm

Theresa,
There is no right or wrong way, you do what works for you.
Frances and Kelly, my heart goes out to you, I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. I now know the pain of losing my parents and the unbelievable pain of losing the love of my life. But when I lost her, my mother-in-law lost her baby daughter who was 52. My wife's sisters lost their baby sister and I cannot imagine losing one of my brothers. We all grieve Nanette's death and we all grieve for each other because we cannot imagine the other persons loss. I don't know that one can be greater than another because she is still gone.
Kelly, Nanette died on Sept. 26th and I know I am still in denial, but the reality is slowly creaping in and it is devestating. Not a moment goes by where something will "pop" into my mind and I'll think "I need to call Nanette, she needs to know this, or she will laugh at this" and that is when it hits. Before it would only be a flash of reality so painful my mind would not accept it, and the sadness would last only for a few minutes. But now it goes on for days and I have to constantly turn to God to carry me through this horrible pain.
You all are in my prayers.

Comment by Theresa on December 6, 2010 at 7:33pm

Trisha and Jim,
I agree with Jim running away isn't going to solve a problem. But I know when I have an issues is in my mind saying to you, You got to run away to focus on something to heal yourself. I does work for me, I go to a quiet place far away from everything and is really work for me. I know people have different opinion but I grateful for your suggestion as for support group, therapy, family and churches. I just need to do lots of resources to find what really fit my spirit, communication key, trust, sponsor and also closer to my home.

Comment by Frances Cope on December 6, 2010 at 5:00pm

Our son took his own life on 10/15/10 in our home. Even tho he was 39 years old, he was our baby boy. Had lived with us on and off for six years after seperating from his wife. The emptiness, lonliness and guilt is overwhelming. Barely made it thru TG and now Christmas is soon.

Comment by Kelly on December 6, 2010 at 1:32pm

Hello
I am new here...My daughter was walking on a country road with her friend and was struck by a vehicle on Oct 30th and passed away on Nov 1st 2010, it has been just over 1 month I think I am still in denial. I can't believe this is happening to me and my family. I just can't imagine life without my daughter.

Comment by Jim Eginoire on December 5, 2010 at 6:44pm

Oh I don't think I'll be going anywhere for a while. I can retire in May but unless I can refinance I'll have to keep working. Plus, I need the emotional support from my church and family here. If I left I would be alone with nobody to lean on. At least here people hurt with me because my wife lived around our neighborhood her entire life and everyone loved her.
Without those people and my faith I don't know how I could handle it.

Comment by Trisha H on December 5, 2010 at 6:09pm

I moved away from my childhood home after my Mom passed away earlier this year. I felt dead inside and knew i needed a change. I also felt that I had learned that life is too short and I had always desired to live in TN so I needed to not wait another day. People tell you to not make any major changes or decisions following the death of a loved one, but i lost my job and I felt like the decision sorta found me. There are days when I question if i was just running away. But i know my Mom would have encouraged me to give my dream a try.

As of this point today, not much but the scenery has changed. I still feel dead inside and just as lost as I was before. The new job is causing more stress in my life than I could imagine and that is the LAST thing i needed. I know it will all take time to settle in new surroundings and to even consider beginning the healing process...but in the meantime, I am empty and miserable. At the end of the day, I don't regret my decision to move, but I guess I was just hoping for some ease or distraction from all this pain I am in...not to be added to. I pray that your transitions are much smoother. And that you have great support systems to help ease all of this.

Comment by Jim Eginoire on December 5, 2010 at 4:53pm

It's crazy because I know moving will not change the loss. It's more like I think I can run away from it.

Comment by Bonnie Beucler on December 5, 2010 at 3:36pm

Well Jim and Theresa, John and I had talked about moving to FL which I was against, so he volunteered New Hampshire! LOL At this point I would like to go anywhere that we never lived before or even talked about. Somewhere there is no connection so I won't go "looking" for him around a corner. I will most likely be completely alone for Christmas. And I don't mind. Our accident was 12/26 and it's important to me to be here that day. To recall the events. Thankfully, we were talking just prior and he said "I love going driving with you, especially on such a pretty day." I have not driven down that road once. My brother took me once so we could try to find out where exactly the accident happened.
But I need to move too. I thought of Tennessee for some odd reason. I know nothing about it except that Memphis has high humidity. I am so sorry for both of your recent loses.

Comment by Jim Eginoire on December 5, 2010 at 7:28am

Theresa,
I fell in love with Nanette the first time I saw her but didn't see her again for 5 years even thought we worked in the same building.
How can we handle such a horrible loss? I know that without my faith in Jesus Christ and the prayers from hundreds of people I could not handle it. Even with my faith it is the biggest struggle I've ever had, and I've had more than my share. But with each one I knew I would be okay and everything would be okay because God is in control and through Christ I can do anything. I just have to keep reminding myself that and it strenghtens me.

Comment by Theresa on December 5, 2010 at 12:37am

Sorry I just had a phone call from my young daughter, she need to go ER. I had to tell the nurse I need to leave the ER, please check on my daughter ASAP, because too much memory and flashback in the ER. I couldn't stay stronger for her, she knows that I'm under trauma. Good thing the ER Dr took care of her right away. This is my biggest fear is go back to the ER is not going to heal for long time.
Jim - the picture Of your wife, she is so beautiful and so Down Earth. I know is hard to lose a best friends, soulmate and lover. But how can we handle the trauma, stress, fears and tender loving caring?

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