Comment

Comment by Karen R. on January 5, 2011 at 6:53pm

Greetings Faith,  once again, I am sorry to hear about another tragic loss. I too am suffering the loss of my 21yr old whose picture you see.  He was killed while riding his friend's motorcycle. This happened just about 15 months ago and I am still hurting just as much, if not more.  With my son, there is more involved also and his case is under investigation, it was NOT really an "accident". Hopefully, in time, justice will prevail. The circumstances of his demise is one of the main things that continually fuels my anger, especially since the responsible party is trying to cover up what really happened.  It's very difficult for people to understand what you are going through if they have not walked in your shoes. I post comments on this site often because I need my pain and sorrow to be validated, I don't want anyone telling me that it's been 14 months since my son passed away and I should be feeling and coping "better". It's NOT "ok" with me what has happened to my son.  Some people try to tell me that these things happen for a reason.....well, I can't think of one, not a single one. I just want my son back and want it to be that this tragedy NEVER happened. You are not alone.

Comment by Faith on January 5, 2011 at 2:02pm

It is January again!! Every year I think it will get easier to face this month but here I am again --- !!! My baby boy (Dion age 22) was killed in a hit/run accident on 1/21/01 and the police will still not admit that is what it was!! They say it was an accidental death of hypothermia 2ndy to acute alcohol intoxication. But that does not explain why he was injured and incapacitated and couldn't go home instead of laying down and dying. Also he was not acutely drunk!!! His anniversary date is hard to face every year because I know that somewhere out there is my son's murderer - living, breathing and carrying on as if his life couldn't get any better!! If the police would admit my son was murdered than maybe I could accept some of the things that the autopsy showed and I could at least look for more clues!! It will be 10 years this year and every single one of those years hurt like ++++!!! and this time of year is hard to get through!

Comment by Karen R. on January 4, 2011 at 5:12pm

Greetings Theresa, just wanted you to know that I am very sorry for your loss. No one here will make you feel like you are crazy....that's for sure.

Comment by Theresa on January 4, 2011 at 8:59am

I have been hiding for awhile because this is too much for me to read, listen and Seeing my empty heart. Since my husband died from the motorcycle accident in September 2010. Is too much for to handle this alone because I am deaf, trying to find help to understand my language and culture, where I am is difficult for me to join a support group because they have to find communication access for me. After christmas went by I went to the cemetery, I told him I am so mad at him for what he done, look what he put me through like he'll because the black sheep took over his mother assets and left me behind. My M-i-L have a small alezem. My husband and I have been taking care of here for FOUR years and the black sheep have not support with a dime on her mother. Right now I felt she is not giving me any support or communicate with me because she hate her own brother. Is doesn't mean u have to hate me huh? All those years I tried to put them together to be a family, their family doesn't get along with their own relative. Werid huh! I am not that kind of person, I'm a good heart with all my family.
The whole point is WHY I said to my husband Anthony I hate you! I was so sad, crying, hurtful and stressful to deal with his belong and start my new life again.

During New Year, all my family gather for Xmas reunion every year at my parent's home, when everyone is here I walk away went to quiet room start crying, because I miss my husband, and also I have 2 other children who are not here, my son is in Iraq won't be home till next summer and my young daughter she have a flu so not good idea for her be here. I stop by her home gave her nice hot turkey soup, present from the family and some yummy dessert.

For me is difficult to live with my parent's home for temporay and am not to happy to stay here but I have no place to go. I don't know where I want to go with my new life, I'm scare and confuse.

Comment by Karen R. on January 3, 2011 at 7:18pm

Greetings Coach Louise, That you so much for your words of encouragement. I always feel like I have been "beat up" physically and emotionally. I could have NEVER imagined this type of pain.

I would like to say hello to all of the members of this site, thank goodness we are not alone.

Comment by coachlouise on January 2, 2011 at 10:59pm

Dear Karen, Time is a measure in many ways, one part can seem easier and then another part harder. Anger shows her face in many ways as well. It real, its normal, the trick is finding a good place to unload it, before it explodes. Writing on this site is one way, getting it out before it eats at you.  So thank you for sharing with us. This is the hardest experience for a person to go through. It is horrible. Take time to just stop and breath, slow breaths. Get a massage, take care of you. And please keep writing, it is healing to the soul. With love, Coach Louise

Comment by Karen R. on December 26, 2010 at 5:44pm

Greetings Ken and all other members,  I am so sorry for your pain, unfortunately, we can all relate in some way . I feel the same way about it getting harder than easier. I am suffering from the loss of my 21yr old son 14 months ago.  NOTHING has gotten any easier. I am very grateful for support groups like this one and others. You can express exactly how you are feeling without someone making you feel like you are being irrational and ridiculous. There are many, many times I feel ilke I can't cope anymore and that I should go to the emergency and let them admit me to the psych unit.  I always feel like I am a ticking time bomb and struggle to keep from exploding. I am always angry that the world is going on without my son. I feel like telling people...."HEY!! don't you know that my son was killed on his friend's motorcycle!!!!!" " Don't you know how horrible this is?!!!". Some people see me and tell me that I lokk like I am doing so "GOOD"......yeah right, they can't see the sufferation going on inside of me....they can't hear my thoughts. They don't know that even if they don't see any tears flowing from my eyes.....I am ALWAYS crying inside.  I am starting to think that I died and living on this earth, in this world, is the real hell. Where else would there be such sufferation like this?!!!!! Where else does the pain never end?!!!! I hope that my son is in PARADISE and that I will be with him again.

Comment by Ken Ciolek on December 26, 2010 at 9:47am

This was the first Christmas without my daughter and got through it I just wanted no part of Chroistmas and wanted to lock myself in a room until the new year. Today (Sunday) was the actual day that my daughter passed away and I just keep thinking back if we did something different or woke her up earlier would she still be here today. She died in her sleep and had no idea we let her sleep late that day and when we found her was already gone and could do nothing to help her. There was no cause and still haven't looked at the report so don't know the actual time she passed. Part of me does and the other part doesn't...I wish I had answers as to why god took her. A year later and getting harder not an easier like everyone is telling me

Comment by coachlouise on December 26, 2010 at 1:06am

It is Christmas night, after reading all the stories on the page, my heart feels the pain all of you are having. The pain is real, and it comes from your deep love and longing to be with your love one again. To process this deep pain, know an answer of why, to face that you can not bring them back  is the the most heart breaking moments in life. 

The magic of Christmas, can seem lost,  belief in miracles can seem over. But what if they are still with you in an invisible form. What if they never died they only transformed? Could an invisible relationship be better than no relationship at all? 

I have an invisible relationship with my son, and through this connection I have felt many on the other side. I hear their request to let you know they love you, they are all right, and they are with you. Listen, pay attention, when you have a feeling they are near, you are right. You will not hold them back by having an invisible relationship with them, we do not have that kind of power, if we did have that kind of power  we never would have let them leave.  Bring the magic of Christmas back in to your hearts and believe in miracles once again. I send you all love. 

Comment by Bonnie Beucler on December 26, 2010 at 12:18am

Today <the 26th> is the anniversary of the crash that took John's life.  Both of my sisters told me today "I'll call you tomorrow".  Why? To make certain that I have not dissolved?  Maybe....I should be okay but once 4:30 comes around I better be doing something else and not watching the clock.

I was going to go to the crash site but decided perhaps that would be too morbid for me.  I'll have to see what the weather is like.

Unlike many of you I have no one who depends on me to get up in the morning.  I do of course get up.  But it's harder I think to not have someone to do for and to do with.  Solitude is fine on a short term basis, but this is something I never counted on.

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