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Comment by marlene lovell on April 29, 2011 at 6:47pm

Rc, It is as if we are in a fog.....we still keep waiting for it to lift and our loved one will be with us again. My entire life was my husband John, and we he died suddenly, life as I knew was no more. He was my refuge from everything else. I, too, put on a brave face for others and for my daughters sake, yet the saddness is overwhelming, yet somehow each day passes and Iam still here. What consoles me is my firm belief in the afterlife and that John does still exist, even though it is not on this earthly plane. Somehow, we make it through.

Comment by Rc on April 28, 2011 at 11:17pm

It's been 10 months since my wife of 29 years died suddenly and unexpectedly. I talk to friends and family all day. I put on a brave face and say the right things. I do what I have to do for my 2 children who are in their 20's and were very close to their mom.
But at night reality sets in again. Sometimes it feels like I got the phone call yesterday and I'm numb all over. Sometimes I just feel overwhelming sadness. Either way, I dont know how to live or sleep alone. I stay wake til I pass out from exhaustion and still I wake up several times a night. Everyone thinks I'm doing better but I'm not.

Comment by marlene lovell on April 23, 2011 at 5:28pm

Dana, words can not express what you are feeling right now nor can any advice console you this early in your grief. I want to let you know we are all here for you and whatever you may be feeling and need to express, we are here to listen and embrace you!

Comment by Dana Jarrett on April 23, 2011 at 2:37pm

On March 23, 2011 My father shot and killed my Mom and then committed suicide. My mother was one of my best friends. My mom, my sister, and I were always best friends from the time I was born. This sudden loss of our parents has left us in incredible pain and shock. The thought that our father hated us enough to take her from us just breaks our heart! We haven't even began to let reality settle in, but we are lost without our Mom. We both joined this site hoping to be able to talk and work through this grief with others that are hurting too.

Comment by Peggy Jeanine Woody on April 22, 2011 at 8:57pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHAWN. I love you and miss you. I know you don't need birthdays anymore, but I celebrate yours remembering your arrival time was 4:52 P.m. I had already loved you about 9 months by then. Next week will be your new birthday to where you are. What wonderful gifts you received last year, having no more pain and new legs. I know you are no longer sad with the problems you had here. Just remember how much you were loved and you are still loved. I want to thank you for all te joy you brought us, and we learned so many lessons thanks to you. I love you son and will see you when my new birthday comes. Tell both grandmas hello from us and again I love you. P.S. Your brother and sister miss you. Denae points to your picture and says, I wish my uncle Shawn would come back and Shaelyn jions her in her wish. They want me to tell you they love you and they are taking good care of Sysco.

Comment by marlene lovell on April 17, 2011 at 9:13pm

Dear Sean, I too can relate to your last post. John and I had a diffcult relationship and even though the last year or so we were working things out, we still were not close, yet losing him feels like losing my sense of self. Now I must find who I am without him and that is down right frightening!!!!

Comment by Sean Casey on April 17, 2011 at 2:24pm

Very true.  I know a lot of what I'm grieving is the life we used to have, that I'd been hoping for a long time we could have again.  At the same time, with her having committed suicide, it's hard to also get next to not missing some parts of what she was becoming and how it was making things harder and harder on both of us.  Intellectually, I know she'll always be in my heart, and I hope that someday what comes to mind with her is recollection of the good times.  Right now, though, it's just dealing with her affairs & her belongings and trying to not resent having to do so too much.  I also feel afraid of the process of building a new life.  Even though it wasn't much of a partnership in the last few years, she was still a huge part of my life....and the emptiness of her being gone is like having lost a limb.

Comment by marlene lovell on April 16, 2011 at 9:18pm

The world really does feel alot more fearful aand uncertian when you are now facing it alone. Everday life gets alot harder and it seems as if every thing that can go wrong...does!!, yet people around you expect you to solider on and be that super person who can face anything, yet inside all you want to do is fall apart and stay inside your shell of memories. You want to yell out "CAN YOU NOT SEE IAM DYING INSIDE< I HAVE NO STRENGTH TO GET UP MUCH LESS FACE EVERYDAY LIFE!!!!!!!!", yet we find ourselves taking it day by day and somehow we survive..but thru our loss we are a differnt person with a whole new perspective on life, we can never be the same person we were when our loved one died.

Comment by marcye jackson on April 15, 2011 at 9:37pm

I'm going on my second year without my husband and ive done alot of reckless things but now for me i've found God not jus any God  but the God and for me that has changed so much!  yes i still cry yes i still wish he was still here but having jesus helps so much! im not one of those holy rollers i just really want to help and let people know that it does get bareable it may take years and tears but one day you will be able to laugh with your family, your friends and not feel guilty for still living or go a whole week wothougt crying or thinking about how much not having them hurts. thats jus how i look at it and really hope it helps somebody in there time of need, God bless and if anybody wants t o talk im here somewhere.

 

Comment by Sean Casey on April 15, 2011 at 8:22pm

I used to believe in an afterlife.  Now I'm not so sure.  I've only dreamed of my wife twice since she took her life, once was just odd and the other was unpleasant, bordering on nightmarish.  I don't really feel or sense her here, though I'm not sure if that's because I'm too shut down and hurt and angry, busy dealing with her affairs & belongings or if she's just not there.  I really don't know....

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