Comment

Comment by anne on June 7, 2011 at 11:05pm

 

dear Kelli, I sure know what your going through and my heart goes out to you. My little boy too died in a car fire at the age of 12 and so I just want you to know that your letter was very special to me as I to sometimes feel alone. Just know that we are here to listen.

Comment by Semary Rose on June 7, 2011 at 10:10pm

Karen, yes, me too.  I totally hide my sorrow and I don't know if I am numb or what, but I try so hard to keep being silly and animated with my babies--the little one still LOVES peekaboo.  So here I am with this fake, but still real, smile on my face trying to make my little girls laugh and feel like everything is ok. 

Comment by Karen R. on June 7, 2011 at 10:09pm

You are right Marlene,  there may not be tears flowing on the outside but there are tears always flowing on the inside, that's for sure.

Comment by Karen R. on June 7, 2011 at 10:06pm

Annette I am sorry that you have a double loss because you cant see his child. I had originally asked you that question because I thought that if he had children, that perhaps they may have been able to give you some sort of comfort being that they are a part of him. I'm sorry, maybe one day things will turn around.

Comment by Karen R. on June 7, 2011 at 10:02pm

Semary, we all beat ourselves up over many could'ves should'ves, I know I do. My little one, who is now 7, has been my saving grace, not that my other children don't need me but she is the youngest, my son before her is 17. She needs me more than ever because I have to do her hair and help her with homework, and girl scouts, etc. She is the one that has kept me from being admitted into a psych unit and killing myself, which I had contemplated many times to relieve my pain. She would fall apart when she would witness me fall apart. She would say " mommy, you cry so much, I know you want to go to heaven to be with my big brother but its not my turn yet". One day she told me that if I pass away away because of this, she hopes that she will pass away too, so she can be with the both of us. That's when i decided that I would NEVER kill myself no matter what and I try to always remain strong in her presence. We have a lot of mommy daughter time together, whatever makes her happy. I say all of that to say that you did the best that you could do, you still had to be mommy even when you didn't feel like it.

Comment by Semary Rose on June 7, 2011 at 9:56pm

Karen, the little ones are doing great.  I have them so much off schedule--my 4 year old has become my new "bed mate".  No more taking her back to her bed in the middle of the night.  I just take her with me when I go.  They are doing great.  Kids are so resilient.  Thank god.

Marlene, I know exactly what you mean--others think we are doing so well.  I feel that way too.  My best friend in the entire world just disclosed some very personal info about her life because I feel like she still feels like I am the same ole friend I used to be 9 days ago.  I love that she still felt comfortable to do so, but in the same way, it illustrates that no one truly understands unless they walk that path.

Comment by marlene lovell on June 7, 2011 at 9:50pm

Dear Semary, It does feel as if we cant stop and give our loved one the respect they deserve. I feel as I have not properly grieved..as in closing the world out and just being alone with my thoughts and memories..I cant seem to pause and just breathe......life does go on and at times, no make that all the time, I believe others think we are handling things quite well even when we are falling apart on the inside!!

Comment by Karen R. on June 7, 2011 at 9:49pm

Semary, thank goodness that your little ones did not have to witness this. How are they doing now?

Comment by Karen R. on June 7, 2011 at 9:46pm

Hey Denise, I am also sorry for your loss. I also have a scrap book for my son. The first few months after my son left me, I looked in the scrap book almost daily but recently, I noticed that I can't open it. I have several pictures of him throughout the house, in my car, a photo brag bag that has become my main pocket book and I even have a gold charm with his picture that I wear around my neck and those things do not bother me but for some strange reason, I cant look in the scrap book. I think it may be because it contains his awards and certificates, his birth announcement and my baby shower invite, pictures that he colored and drew, birthday cards, his first pay stub from when he was 16 yrs old.........just to name a few, when i look at those things,  my anger intensifies all at the same time as I my heart feels like it's going to burst. I look through the scrap book, and see how much of a life my son has.........I can't even say HAD in the past tense. I get angry that the rest of the world is going on without my son........my children are my world, my life revolves around them. I wanted to add a copy of my son's wedding invitation to that scrap book, now he'll never have one!  He is only 21 and he is my baby for goodness sake!  My son enjoyed life and he had so many plans that he will never be able to complete. 

 

Hello Kelli, thanks for the info on the book "About Grief'. I will look into ordering it. Thanks to all for your support, I love you all.

Comment by Semary Rose on June 7, 2011 at 9:41pm

I can relate to the rushed feeling or the feeling that "life must go on right at this horrific moment" .  I have 2 small children and a career and I feel like I am not giving my husband the respect he deserves.  But I feel like I have no choice in the matter.  Life is marching on and I am running to keep up so our children do not suffer.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 107
• 108
• 109
• 110
• 111
• …
• 127
• Next ›
• Page