Where do I go from here? it's like my world is under attack & im turning into stone as i watch it all fall apart !

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im new to this and dont know where to begin  in one day  in less than 30 mins i lost my bestfriend for 26Yrs and my wife for 14yrs this oct.9 2012 my sole mate the most loving wonderfull mother of five children  on sept.16,2012 H.C.M which is HYPERTPORPHIC which is AND GET THIS she died from having an enlarge heart-heart disease (she allways had a big heart) that and being diabetic didnt help she was perfect  no signs NOTHING AT ALL & no she didnt have a stroke or a heart attack H.C.M  mainly kills by SUDDEN DEATH and thats what happen here one min gone the next like god turn off her light switch she didnt even have a secound to feel eny pain thats how fast it was YOU CAN tell im still in aww over this  i've taken on two roles now [MR.mom] figuring things out as i go .me and my wife were only child in our family thats why we kinda had five kids so niether of them would half to grow up alone but it sucks for me because i dont have eny adults to talk to ..im alone in this sorta  my wifes friends are really trying to make things confortable for me but its just not the same  AND ITS ONLY BEEN 19 days wtf .. and i have the rest of my life  with this ??people say -Oh it'll get better ,baby steps,be be strong for your kids dont do eny thing stupid, or she would of wanted that way thats advic for dealing with my wife and my children BUT what about dealing with me??  well thanks 4 letting me vent  .lol  everbody  i write at night  thats the only time i have for me to think plus im noticing that i ramble,missspell words etc.etc..im some what comfused about all things natural .

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It is plain not easy, and I deeply feel for you, keep writing your feelings ,you have to feel in order to heal, I wish no one ever had to suffer this pain, but all I can tell you you is within the mist of of it all there comes gifts, not that you would have ever chosen this path, not that you ever get over missing your loved ones, but to ever arrive at receiving the understanding or the gifts you first must let yourself mourn,feel, vent, it hurts, cry, scream outside, punch a punching bag, run, workout,and know your loved ones are with you, supporting you and sending you love. pay attention to any sign. I send you compassion

thank you i've allways been a person of little words now  i've been happy forever with nothing more to say now that she's gone i have lots & lots of things to say but im trying to figure out how to put them out  as as i've been learning to EXPRESS  my self so bare with me once again thank you

Joseph,

I am very sorry for the loss of your loved one.  Grieving is not easy. Grieving will seem to suck the life out you some days.  Grieving is individual too.  While we can share our thoughts and hope for the best, its still up to you to be strong and get through this. 

I too was in your shoes about 18 months ago when my wife committed suicide while I was 1800 miles away.  I was devastated and didn't know if I'd see tomorrows sun.  But the sun did come up and I found this website.  A few people reached out to me and I took their advise.  I found that sharing with others helped me with my grieving even when I didn't get a response to my writings.  So when you feel really down just remember to breath, take a deep breath and know everything in life happens for a reason.  We all die some day and its unfortunate that your loved one died.  Take solace in knowing that we all have been in your shoes and know where you are coming from.  It hurts I know.  It took me months to recover from my loss and I am sure your hurting isn't going to end soon but know this, it will end.  I still miss my wife greatly and think of her every day.  I did get better and so will you. 

Take care and remember to breath,

DAvid

Pain is pain, and there is no right or wrong way to feel it. I understand the well-meaning of people, but when there are complications like children, it can add intensity to the feelings because the view is you have to be strong for them. And yes, it makes it harder to grieve, I think. I don't have answers, but I know reaching out is a good thing. Please continue to do so, and I will keep you in my mind and thoughts as you take this very hard journey.

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