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Unexpected loss of my husband and mother in 2009
Hi, I agree with a lot of the other stories I have just read about others grief. Even though my husband of 20 yrs and my mother have both been gone almost 4 yrs, I still feel like it was yesterday and I feel that way every single day. I have the most horrific dreams a person can have. I have not slept in the bed since my husband passed. I always sleep on the couch. I found my husband on the living room floor in the house that I must sit in every day, all day. I have some medical problems so I am unable to drive which means I spend almost every entire month in the house in the same room where I found him. He was only 45 yrs old and died from a blood clot going to his heart. He was a very strong man, both physically and mentally. I know he would not want me to live like this, however, I am lost at being able to move on. I will be physically moving from this house into a new apt soon so I do believe that will help me in many days. To all, be safe, Chloe
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Debra A. Whitemaine on
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Hi Chloe,
I am so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine even finding my husband but like you said staying in the room where you found him. And that your health keeps you from getting out. I pray that you get to feeling better and the new apartment works out. Take care and be strong. Debbie
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Permalink Reply by Chloe on
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Thank you for your kind words Debbie. If I can help you in any way, just let me know. However, I don't know many answers I could give to anyone. As I said, I am sinking. If you find anything that helps, please let me know and I will do the same for you. I really want to reinvent myself as I know I can never return to the person I was before all this and I want to rejoin the living. My husband, Rick, would be horrified for me to continue in this misery. I know the new apt is going to be great and I cannot wait to move from here. I've had a 110lb Rottweiler for 12 yrs and no apt that I can afford on my meager disability check would not allow his breed so getting rid of him would be like having someone else gone from my life. He is my child. I've had him since he was a baby and he has went thru all the same grief with me. Rick and Kaos (the dog, pronounced Chaos) were the best buddies. Kaos was really his dog and he grieved in a way that I did not even know an animal was capable of. It took 2 yrs for the dog to stop waiting for him to come home. He acted like he thought it was his fault that Rick left us. He did not understand and there is no way to explain to a dog why the person he loves more than life is suddenly gone. However, my doctor has written a letter that says it would be too bad for my mental health to lose the dog too. He indicated Kaos served as a service dog to me so now the apts cannot refuse him. That has made me feel a lot better but Kaos is going to lose his big yard to run in. You write me when you need to vent ok. My email is chloe.damar@aol.com....Chloe
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Permalink Reply by Dr S Gh on
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Hi cloe i have a srious illness myself that makes my life very limiting. I lost my mum very suddenly and unexpectedly back in spetember and have been going thru heel since then with terrible nightmares and dreams and often wake up crying. I still cant accept or believe thyat its happened and feel i'm living in a nightmre.
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Hi Simin, I really thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry about your mom. People tell me that it gets better with time but I don't believe that. I think the key is just learning how to live with it. i am going to try and reinvent myself and rejoin the living. I have been a recluse in my house for almost 4 yrs now and I know my husband, Rick, not my mom would want this for me. I wish there was a way I could help you or just make you feel better for just one moment. I have only found solace in GOD. I have only felt peace with HIM. I realize that GOD feels it is necessary for me to live thru this tribulation but for the life of me, I cannot figure out what the hell it is. And this is truly hell. You can email me at chloe.damar@aol.com if you want. Goodbye friend, Chloe
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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on
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sory abot yore loss chloe i allways feal guilty tht me and mum got ther 10 minits 2 late my dad died at 220 am we got ther at 230 am wwe got a telgram at the door delivid at jut before 2am by the time we foned the hospitle thn a cab we got ther 2 late i woz still in my pjamas wen we got ther wen we left tht horbel hospitle i felt so numb i did not no wear o woz thn i stared geting flash back nite mares but thy stopet after i had to buy a dream catcher now the nise strange crazy 1s have come back just so sory abot yore loss
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Hi JB, you did not give me your name. Should I just call you JB? I am so sorry about what you are going thru. People say "they can imagine how you feel" but I don't think thats possible unless they have went thru it. I was given a note one time when I was a little girl and I have always remembered it. GOD never promised that it would be easy, but HE did promise that it would be worth it. And I am holding HIM to that promise. I wish I could help take your pain away. I never knew that your heart could physically hurt when someone so close to you passes away. You can always email me at chloe.damar@aol.com....I hope things better for you, Chloe
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