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Totally Numb
My dad died in October of a heart attack, he was not sick and it was very sudden. When my brother called me that morning that dad was on his way to the hospital I thought it was a joke. I do not live in the same city as my family anymore and I had to fly home as soon as I could. He died the day after I got there when they took him off the ventilator, he was only 52. I never thought you could possibly miss someone so much. We were so close, good friends.
It has been a couple months and I just still feel so numb. I never want to do anything, I hate doing most things that I used to like. If I didn't have to do anything on the weekends, I wouldnt. It just seems so easier to sit and watch TV, not thinking.
The hardest thing for me, is that no one knows what you are going through and its like they forgot. I'm 25, I am happy that none of my friends know what I am going through, its not the point in our lives where we are supposed to not have our parents. None of my friends have lost their parents yet. They don't really understand why I do not want to go out sometimes, or if I seem withdrawn. Also, I have been going back to my hometown a lot more than usual because I just want to be with my family and people always say to me "wow you go home a lot!" or "You're going home again?" I hate having to remind people that I just need to be with my family right now. Being with my family is all I want to do, its the only place I feel safe.
Does anyone else who has lost a parent just feel unsafe now? Like the floor was taken out from you? I feel like especially when it is so sudden, its like youre not safe. If someone you love and care about so much can be taken away from you so fast without warning, what else can happen?
I find myself just going through the days, not really thinking or having any feelings/emotions. Does anyone feel like that?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by christianlee on
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Yes Katie ..I share your feelings. I am with my family a lot. I even like to go home and be alone in my home and think about dad. Losing a parent can make you feel so alone and scared...almost makes you feel like an orphan...but i'm 39.
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Katie
I just read your post and it is oh so familiar. My husband died the same way in August 2011. He never made it to the hospital and died on our bedroom floor with me giving him CPR. What a read in your story is what my daughter is going through. She is 34 a little older than you but still too young to have lost her Dad. My daughter finds it hard to come home with her husband and her son but she handles it better when she comes alone and its just her and I. I guess because she always came with her family and her son was so attached to PaPa it makes its so hard for her without her Dad here with her family. She also says its like people don't understand how she feels and what she's going through. She and her Dad were best friends. Actually she was his princess. Its very hard for people to understand what you are going through unless they have experienced it. People don't know what to say and feel uncomfortable and just kind of think life goes on. Well our lives are not the same and never will be. My daughter is in the group "I love my Dad". You might also want to join that group for some more support. I can't tell you when this will get better, I don't even know if it will. I ask for strength to help me cope. My wish for all of us here is some peace and comfort.
Love
Barbara
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Permalink Reply by Stella on
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Hi Katie,
I am 41 and just lost my dad in September, suddenly as well. We got a call that he had died in his sleep. He, also, was not sick and I just saw him. He was the love of my life in so many respects. I was married and divorced young, so he took the role of helping me raise my beautiful daughters. I never worried about remarrying and just dated here and there, because I knew I had my dad. It seems like nobody understands, and some people even chastise me for crying so much over my father. It's been 6 months, I'm still numb, feel unsafe, unsure, afraid... alone... People don't know how to handle such a loss unless it's happened to them, it's just the way it is. Some days now I go through the motions, but my heart isn't in anything and I miss him so much. I just take it day by day. He knew how much I loved him, and I knew he felt the same way. I feel like I have to go on with a good life in his honor, and that I will never forget anything about him. Stick close to the ones who empathize, and understand. Everyone else you may just have to let go, at least for awhile. I pray for your suffering to ease, but know that you are not alone. Hugs to you.
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Stella...I am so much alike with you. I feel your pain. We have a lot in common. Someone asked me about my dad yesterday at work. Oh..so hard. The tears still come.......I miss you dad.
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christianlee you are so sweet. I feel we are in the same boat. I wish I could give you a hug. I'm so sorry you lost your beloved father.
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Thank you ...sorry for you too. Take care. Hugs to You dear
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