Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mark on March 29, 2013 at 9:04pm

Ellen,

I am so sorry for how you are feeling.  I have not really had a true close relationship consistently with siblings; that said, I do now how it feels to lose someone, and feel like the world is crumbling.

 

Not being an expert, all I can suggest is that you will have to Slowly find a "new" normal.  Things

won't ever be the same. For me, I won't ever have my parents here on earth again. So what do I do?

having been very close to them especially in the last 10 years or so, I have to "Try" and carry on.  I don't want that sounding like it is easy to do. Writing can sometimes lose its meaning vs spoken word.

 

If it's only been 5 mths, thats not that long at all. I suppose a suggestion might be that you try and take interest in your son's life, try to be there and enjoy your time with your husband.  You can't bring your sister back and that is sad. However you do have your parents, and so maybe try and be there for them.  I'm glad I did alot to try and help mom and dad; however I'm sad that in the time after my dad passing and before mom passing (not a long period between the two), I wish I could have "supported" mom more. It hurts me alot, but in the race/rush of life during that time, I did my best, but only after could I see things that I wish I had done differently.

 

So how do we find normal?  I guess its a new normal as I said.. I don't know if you have hospice grief support available to you, but try and seek these out.

Permalink Reply by Melisa C on April 16, 2013 at 7:33am

HI Danielle. I'm very sorry for your loss. I relate to what you say. SInce I lost Mom, I only work, that's about it. I've been thinking about going to therapy or see if there's a support group in my area, but I never feel like actually getting up and doing it.

 I also would like some sign that my Mom is ok, that she's somewhere and doing well. But I don't know, maybe real faith is believing even if you don't see it? Still, I'd love to actually know where she is. THe feeling of being far away from someone you love so much, so suddenly, is awful.

Permalink Reply by Elley on May 18, 2013 at 3:39pm

Hi Danielle Im so sorry for your loss and what you are going through.Ijust want you to  know u are not alone. My whole world is changing too and I feel like i dont even know who i am anymore.I too feel a deep loneliness a huge whole in my heart that will never  be replaced because I only had one sister and she is gone. Now myp arents are on their way to be with her. I know it cuz their physical health is going down hill fast.I wish I knew the answer to going on with our lives and how it gets easier.So many people say that but I guess that time is the answer.my sis passed right after your boyfriend so its been about the same amount of time for both of us.You say you have family and friends I hope that they are there for you.As for me my best friend just vanished out of my life when i needed her the most and now Im also losing my oldest son to college.Well ev one says im not losing him but I am part of my family will be gone and it will never be the same.Too much loss in one yr.I am glad that he is going to ucf as its only 2 hrs from home.I was already so depressed about him leaving this summer and then my sis had to go its just too much.Some days I just take it hour by hour .Im sending hugs your way and anytime you want to talk im here.

Permalink Reply by Gina Stone on April 25, 2013 at 10:49am

I not sure we will ever find normal again, at least not the normal we have been use to up to the point of our loses. I lost my only child my son 26 on dec 31, 2012 to a accidental overdose as well. Im sorry that you are carrying such a difficult burden not only for yourself but your entire family. May God be with you and know that you are not alone out there. Feel free to write to me at anytime. Sincerely, Gina p.s. ramble al you want you do whatever helps you to keep moving.

Permalink Reply by Kathy LaRue on May 5, 2013 at 3:01am

You're not rambling. I mostly understand what you're saying, apart from the son moving away aspect. Your parents love you! They love, love, love, love you! Sometimes it may seem as though you have to be a parent to your parents but it doesn't mean that they love you any less. All it means is that they are human and they are hurting just like you.

 

I'm terribly sorry for what you had to go through. Everyone on this site has had to go through awful things. All I can tell you is that it will get easier. Not in the sense that anyone will ever replace your sister. No one can replace a loved one, it's just a fact. But slowly you will begin to remember your sister as she was in life, not in death. Memories of death are so emotional that they get branded into our minds like hot metal against skin. But as you go on, you will remember the good and bad times with your sister in a way that truly reflects who she was in life, not the body you had to ID in California.

 

Maybe life is more special because it can't be replaced. It's sad, but it's also beautiful.

Permalink Reply by sean threat on May 8, 2013 at 7:17pm

hey I know how it feels I lost my only sister 10yrs ago and my mother last year and my brother in jan seems umbearable at times I just take it one day at a time because of my lost I been dealing with emotional issues trying to heal from a lot of past hurts is a struggle every day but im trying

Permalink Reply by Celestina Uriarte on May 15, 2013 at 9:12pm

Ellen,

It's Tina.  I was so sad to hear of Lori's passing.  Far too soon and far too young.  Jacquetta told me today.  It has been so long since we have spoken.  For that I am sorry.  But, I couldn't stay away.  I needed to let you know that I have thought of you often and have tried to reach you.  Always looking on Facebook to see if you were there.

 

I know that sadness that you are going through and am sorry that you are suffering.  My mom passed away last year from Breast Cancer.  It is the hardest thing I have gone through in my life.  At times it the moments like my kids doing great or David jr. hitting a homerun or just nothing at all and just to gab.  That's when missing her hurts.  I dream of her often but am disoriented when I wake up thinking that she is still here for a moment.  That is always a good moment.  Then reality hits and I cry.  I find myself waking up crying alot because in my day to day activity after a year, I catch myself thinking of her but not being so sad anymore because I keep myself busy.  But, in my dreams where I can't hide my feelings, that's where I feel it the most. 

 

I can go see your parents for you and keep an eye on them as I am still here in Oceanside (if they are still here).  Please let me know, I would love to help as they were there for me when I needed someone. 

Call me: 760-845-2390 Love, Tina