Hi everyone! Im so sad to be joining this group, but Im happy Ive found a place to share my feelings with people who really GET it.

I lost a friend on Friday night. We had met through our 3yr old daughters becoming best friends in preschool. We were connected through our kids, but we also were connected by our age, both being in our late 20's with two little ones. We loved so many of the same things.

I struggled as to whether or not to befriend her because she clearly seemed to be addicted to a medication for chronic back pain that she had been on for years. (Fentanyl patch). She sometimes would be shakey and her words could slur. With that said she proved to be an amazing person who needed a true friend to be there for her. We got to know one another through coffee dates, preschool drop offs and telephone chats. I really felt we had a connection thats rare in such new friendships.

She went to Mexico with her husband two weeks ago and spent a week sunbathing and drinking with him. (Her kids stayed home with their grandparents) From what I have since read, exposure to heat causes these patches to leak extra medication into your bloodstream. Also combined with drinking alot of alcohol she was clearly playing with fire and making unsafe choices.

Immediately after her trip she started swelling very seriously in the abdomen and down her legs. She was tiny, only 115lbs, and gained 20lbs of fluid retention in under a week. She told me she had gone to the Dr that day and they ordered more tests but they werent sure what caused it. She asked me to go out with her on a girls night, she was having troubles in her marriage and just needed to get away and talk. When I arrived to pick her up she was clearly already drinking. She made me a drink as well, and I only drank 2 drinks with her over the course of 5 hours. Im not much of a drinker or partier. I listened to her and we had some really good talks. We felt so connected and formed a really true bond.

Towards the end of the night she wanted to stop by the liqour store on the way home. I refused to let her buy and more liqour as she was starting to seem out of it, despite only having 2 drinks with me all evening. On the way home she told me her Doctor had increased her medication. I brought her home and talked to her husband while she was in the bathroom. I told him I wanted to get home to my husband and kids, and I didnt think she needed more to drink.

I called a taxi which pulled up as she came out of the bathroom. She started begging me to stay because she didnt want me to leave (she seemed a bit drunk) and I gave her a big hug and said thank you for the nice evening but I really needed to go. She kept trying to convince me to stay, even as I shut the door behind me :( This was at 11pm Friday night.

I got awoken to a phone call from the police station the next morning to tell me she has passed away in the night, and I needed to go in to fill out a police report as I was one of the last people to see her alive. It was so devastating and shocking to hear.

She left behind two daughters aged 3 and 5 and a husband she was with almost 11 years. She died at only 29yrs of age.

Once the initial crying wore off I needed answers. I scoured the internet and everything seemed to point to liver failure. But the autopsy Monday said she had no organ failure. We are now waiting for the toxicology report to come in. I have since spoken to her  husband, who told me they had DOUBLED her fentanyl dose that very day. Which I didnt know. She already didnt handle the other dose at her low weight, so it seems more clear to me she overdosed. After I left, she apparently fought with her husband because she kept drinking when he said she shouldnt. He went to bed with them fighting about it. Her 5year old daughter found her dead on the floor covered in sweat at 4am. only a few hours after I left she passed away.

The coroner said she only had one patch on her arm, but both her husband and I knew she was wearing two with her doubled dose. he looked around the place on the floor where she collapsed and found she had managed to rip one of her patches off and it was stuck on a nearby toy. This tells me that she was aware she was overdosing or at least that things did not feel "right". She died alone, and possibly knowing it was happening.

My heart is broken with this sudden and totally unexpected loss. I am also riddled with feelings of guilt and regret. Its consuming me. I have two children ages 3 and 1 and I feel like I am just going through the motions. My mind is constantly on what I "could or should have" done and how things could have been different. If I had have seen warning signs, If I had stayed instead of going home maybe I could have called for help or at the very least she wouldnt have died alone. I also feel extreme guilt that I drank with her. I didnt know ANYTHING about her medication until I researched it after she passed away. both the police and my husband reassure me that she made her own choice about drinking and that it wasnt my responsibility. She did drink alot, not only that night but all the time. She drank before I got there, and after I left. She supplied the drinks, not me. But I feel like by accepting that drink from her I participated in what eventually led to her death.

I am so overwhelmed by these feelings of regret. Im also consumed by sadness for her two daughters who no longer have their mother, and finally for the lost friendship we shared.

I dont even know where to begin with picking up the pieces. My husband is already saying he wants his happy smiling wife back and its only been 5 days. I just dont even know where to begin. PLEASE HELP :(