Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by jude colangelo on February 22, 2011 at 7:30pm

As much as I wish this hadn't happened to you, it's so nice to hear from someone who gets it.  Also, thank you for assuring me it gets easier.  so many well meaning people telling me how I'll have some good days but a lot of bad ... well, I know it's the truth, but I just need to hear how it will get easier!!!! Thank you ~ be well. ♥

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on February 22, 2011 at 8:44pm

Thanks for being willing to share that with us.  My wife killed herself just over 2 weeks ago.   I still feel like keeping breathing and doing the next thing are about all I can handle right now.  I hear the same, that it'll get better but it's going to take some time.  I can see some small improvements, I think, but it doesn't seems like much.  The prospect of it taking another year or two in order to start feeling normal is pretty daunting.   I can't imagine having seen it happen; it was hard enough just getting the news from the police.

 

I know it's helped me some being able to post here and chat with some of the others on this website.  I hope it helps for you, too.  Welcome.

Permalink Reply by jude colangelo on February 23, 2011 at 6:43am

Thanks, Sean.  It really does help hearing from people that are going through it, or have gone through something similar in the past.  Besides all the grieving, I started feeling so abnormal because I'm evidently not "feeling" like a lot of the world would like me to. ("just put it out of your mind!"  "Get busy and don't give yourself time to dwell on it!"  "You have kids to think about! Stop being selfish!")  Very nice to talk with people who are like me~kind of like zombies, walking through life feeling only pain, looking for a ray of hope.  ♥

 

Permalink Reply by Brittany Hensley on February 23, 2011 at 10:06pm

I am so sorry for you. I lost my husband a month ago to an overdose. I woke up the morning of the 26th and rolled over to wake him up and he was cold. I am just now starting to think about me and my daughter future. Taking steps to better our lives. This pain will never go away but I have hope that I will learn to live with it. I have heard all the advice in the world but the only real help I seem to find is on here. Reading and posting to people that are going through similar things. I can tell you for me at least the anger was the hardest to go through. It is starting to ease up but still there. I feel the worse about my shortness with my daughter. She is only a year old and I find I don't have the patients I used to. Which isn't fair to her. I hope you find some kind of hope in here. Sorry again.

Permalink Reply by jude colangelo on February 24, 2011 at 3:27pm

Aw, Brittany, I am so sorry for your loss.  I sure understand about the anger ~ I recently visited my dad in the nursing home and found so much anger welling up in me ~ that he and so many other old people lived on while my boyfriend died at 57.  I had to get out of there before I said something I'd regret.

But it's part of the process.  It must be SO difficult for you, with a little one to care for.

Yes, coming here sure helps.  So reassuring to know we aren't alone, or crazy.  Peace.

♥

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on February 24, 2011 at 8:09am

I know what you mean about feeling abnormal.  I've never had this kind of emotional whiplash from all the different stuff that comes up unexpectedly.  I'm lucky I've got some good friends and family who're very understanding and just stick with suggesting I take care of myself and give it time.  I haven't had anyone yet tell me I should just "get over it," and I'm not sure how I'm going to react when they do.  I'm hoping I'll be able to just shrug it off or walk away.

I know what you mean about looking for a ray of hope, too.  I'm glad for the moments that come along where I feel at least somewhat grounded.  They sometimes last for a little while, but never more than a couple hours.  And then it's back to the turbulence again.  For now, I'm just going on peoples' word that it'll get better in time....or at least settle down.

How about I just say keep hanging in there, and go easy on yourself?  In talking with an aunt, we came up with the metaphor of a sudden death being like having a stroke.  It's sudden, unexpected and some things now only kinda work while others just don't.  And there's no way to know what'll come back on-line or how soon.  You just get to keep living and dealing with what's there.  And to Lucifer's outhouse after spicy chili night with those people who expect us to just bounce back and be fine!  *hugs*

Permalink Reply by jude colangelo on February 24, 2011 at 2:47pm

I love the stroke metaphor!  It describes the feeling perfectly.

I guess that, just as we are strangers to handling grief, people around us are strangers to seeing us in our "post stroke" state.  Sometimes they are so uncomfortable, they just want us to be our "old selves" to make it easier for them to deal with us.  make sense?

Having hopeful moments, like little beams of light through the fog.  But that's all I need right now.

 

keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, friend. ♥