Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Debra A. Whitemaine on November 1, 2012 at 9:12am

Sonia,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Those are hard images to remove from your memory.  If you could try to focus on the day before and her laughter and happiness, I know this may not be easy.  She would not want you you to be unhappy since her passing.  I try to tell myself the same thing since my father passed suddenly in September, but I miss him so much.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  May you be able to heal.

Permalink Reply by Kayla Weihs on November 20, 2012 at 11:05am

Hi Sonia. I'm so sorry for your loss and although our stories aren't exactly the same, there are a lot of similarities so I can relate to how you feel. I was at work the day I got the phone call. At my 9 am break, I called my mom who had taken a leave of absense from work to take care my niece (her granddaughter) while my sister-in-law was about to leave the country to serve our country in the National Guards. We talked about what we were going to have for supper and if she needed me to pick anything up from the store. I was staying with her while my husband was on a fishing trip and they were working on our apartment. I got off the phone and went back to work. The call came at about 11:10. I was about to go to lunch when my brother called me. He was hysterical. I couldn't understand anything he was saying. I told him to calm down. He did and he told me Mom was lying on the bathroom floor and he couldn't get her up. I told him to call 911 and I was on my way. Mine was about a 20 minute drive. But it didn't take that long. I was there in 10. On the way, I called my grandma and asked her to go since she could get there sooner than me. Then I called my husband who told me to calm down and that everything was going to be okay. When I got there, there were 3 ambulances there. My brother came running to me and was crying uncontrollably. I told him we have to be strong, that she HAS to be okay. They wouldn't let me in the house until I told them my niece was inside who was just over a year old. They let me go get her and come right back outside. Soon after, my dad showed up from work and we all held each other and I remember my dad saying "Pray, kids, we have to pray." Finally, they wheeled her out of the house. She wasn't moving. I asked the paramedic if she was going to be okay, and he wouldn't even look at me. He said they were taking her to the hospital. We followed. After 2 hours of waiting in the family room in the ER, the doctor finally told us that there was no hope. He said she died instantly and life support was only prolonging the inevitable. There was no brain activity. We found out later that she had a massive heart attack and no one could have done anhing. They took her off of life support, and I will never be able to get the image out of my head of my mom laying there on that bed, no movement. She looked like she was sleeping but since I knew she wasn't, I screamed. I still feel emberassed about screaming, but it's like I couldn't control it. Mom was 47. 47 year olds aren't supposed to just die. They are supposed to live another 40-50 years. The next couple of weeks are a complete blur. I was the only daughter so I got to take care of all of the Thank you cards and the phone calls.

I know it's hard, but I try to remember all the great times we had together. And I hold onto her laugh. She had the most infectous laugh. You couldn't help joining her.

I feel I can relate since we had similar experiences, so I know how much you are hurting. And I'm sorry that you are hurting this badly. My mom passed on June 24, 2008. It's been 4.5 years and I still hurt like that. Not every day. Some days I get through without a single tear. I still think of her every day. I still miss her every day. I will always miss her and think of her. She was my rock. My best friend.

Just try hard to hold onto the good times and the laughter. Know that your mom would want you to remember her that way. If you ever need an ear, please don't hesitate to message me. Although I don't have all of the answers, I am a good listener.

(((Hugs)))

Kayla

P.S. I'm sorry this is such a lengthy reply!!