My fiance died June 25th in a work related accident that I recently found out could have been prevented if certain safety precautions had been taken by the company.  He left for work at 6am and never came home. I waited and waited for him and began to worry and started thinking he had stopped for drinks after work but his phone went straight to voicemail... Shortly after 8pm I received a message from a friend of his to call him because he had heard some news and wanted to make sure Chris was ok. When I called he informed there had been an accident at the mine and someone on his crew who recently had a baby had died... Our daughter was just over 4 months old at the time. I immediately knew it was him.  No one from the mine called me, just before 10pm 2 ladies arrived to tell me my fiance was dead. Had his friend not contacted me I would have been home alone and mad that he hadn't called me yet when they showed up. But I had family here with me when they arrived.  I had to call his mom and tell her that her only son had died at work..  It all feels like a horrible nightmare that never ends.  I feel like I am still waiting for him to come home.  I miss everything about him, but most of all watching him with our beautiful baby girl.  He was so in love with her. I had never seen a man so in love with his child. She adored him and rarely fussed for him.  It breaks my heart that she will never know the man who loved her so completely and deeply and that he cannot hold her and kiss her and play with her. We were just starting our lives together... we had decided the night before the accident to get married next summer. Now we never get that. He was my perfect match and made me feel special and beautiful every single day. I have had amazing family and friend support but no one knows how I really feel. I just want him back... my 5yr old niece asked me why God couldn't just make Chris again so he could come home and I wonder the same thing some times... I don't feel "it was his time" is a good enough answer for what has happened and I know that no answer will ever make me feel better. I just miss him so much.

Views: 156

Replies to This Discussion

Kali,
I'm so sorry to read your story.. I know the feeling of waiting for someone to come home and the don't... After the accident I still can't find myself not waiting up for my son but he won't be walking through the door.. I hope your beautiful new baby will help you through all this sadness...hugs to you and the little one...Michelle

Thank You Michelle. She is my only reason for being now. And I will do everything I can to make sure she knows how much her daddy loved her and to make him proud of me.

Dear Kali,

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am about Chris. When I lost my spouse in November 2009, I was also surrounded by my wonderful family and so many supportive friends, but you're right...no one truly understands...except another widow. I wish I could offer you some words of comfort, but there are none. Just take care of yourself and your beautiful baby girl and remember that Chris is with you in spirit. I know we always want them back in their physical form, but I believe that Chris is with you spiritually and one day you'll be with him again...when you'll be able to touch his face, smell him, hear him laugh, etc.

 

God Bless you always,

Tammy

Thank you Tammy.  I hope you are right... I feel like I need reassurance that I will one day be with him again.  It's only been 8 weeks and I still have decades before I get to hopefully be with him again..

Kali,

 

I felt the same way. I thought that if I lived too long my Jackie would not recognize me when I died or she would find another wife in Heaven. I contemplated suicide and I wished for death for such a long time. My spiritual beliefs helped me through the pain and stayed my desire to kill myself. My Mother died 5 months after Jackie died and the loss of them was the worst pain I have ever experienced. I still long for both of them. I still have my highs and lows, sometimes very deep lows, but I know that my Mother and Jackie would not want me to not truly live the rest of my life. So I go through the motions and take one day at a time. I truly, truly believe that we are eternal beings and I can't wait to be reunited with my Mom and Jackie. I know that we will all be reunited. I also truly believe that Chris will always watch over you and your daughter, and that you will be reunited with him one day. This earthly existence is much shorter than we think and you will have eternity with Chris.

 

Tammy

RSS

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 19
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service