Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on November 20, 2014 at 8:24am

My name is Stanley and I lost my soul mate Oct,2 ,2012 and I had the same feeling you have,I went for therapy and it helped me but I still have my good days and bad,I also pray for the Lord to help me.He is the online that can make you feel better.We both can not bring our soul mates back but the pain of losing them  is hard.The Lord left us here for a reason Stan 

Permalink Reply by Lynn Boyd on November 20, 2014 at 10:46am

Zombie, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so recent, of course it is still an open wound for you right now. I lost my beloved soul mate suddenly this past January. I felt the same feelings you expressed, I wanted to die and be with him, I didn't eat for 3 months and lost 25 pounds. I urge you to find some non-judgemental support (meaning: NOT family or close friends) such as a bereavement support group in your area. Hospitals, Hospice organizations and funeral homes are good places to start to find one. If you belong to a church, that is another option. I had not been in a church since I was a teenager, but after my husband died I felt compelled to re-connect with God, and a non-denominational church is a good place to start (I chose a Unity Spiritual Center...best decision I ever made.) I promise you will not always feel like you do now. I was told that at the beginning and didn't believe it, either, but I'm just now beginning to feel like life is coming back into me. Pray to the God of your understanding....you can even scream and curse at him...even that is a type of prayer. He knows you are in pain. Don't try to find a reason "why", because there isn't one. You will once again be reunited with your loved one, but please, please, LIVE your life now while you still have it. There can still be joy and love to be found. You are not (and should not) to be expected to "get over it", but you CAN get through it. Honor her memory by living your best life. She is in that "better place" where she has bliss and will watch over you until it is time for you to join her. I'm sure she would not want you to destroy yourself and others around you with unending grief. Get books on grief from your local library. I did...I read nearly every single one. The best one I found was "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" by Brooke Noel and Pamela Blair. Buy an inexpensive used copy on Amazon. Healing will take time, but you never have to "forget" your loved one or stop loving her... Life will just get different. My prayers and heart go out to you. You are still loved. I wish you Peace. **hugs**

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on November 20, 2014 at 12:06pm

I agree with everything Lynn Boyd wrote.Stan

Permalink Reply by zombie on November 20, 2014 at 2:56pm

Thanx alot lynn and stan.. i dont talk to many people because i dont want to share the memories i have left of her.. they r mine and mine alone.. like the pain i carry of losing her is mine to bare alone.. i am determined to end this miserble life.. im angry he took her.. im angry she left.. im sad i ddnt get 1 last hug or 1 last i love u..

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on November 20, 2014 at 3:35pm

I know how you feel .It is  two years for me and I keep living in the way I can.I still have the  pain in my heart.I only have half a heart now but only the Creator who made you and who made me can help us.You must pray and talk to the Creator .You can complain to him and he will have to listen and answer in one way or another . Stan

Permalink Reply by Lynn Boyd on November 20, 2014 at 4:27pm

I never got a last hug or last I love you, either. My husband was in a medically-induced coma for three weeks because of the H1N1 flu.  First two weeks we thought he would pull through, but it was not to be. You absolutely MUST talk to someone if you are determined to "end this miserable life."  I know that misery.  I know that pain.  That's why I strongly suggest the support groups of people who ARE going through the same pain you are.  You don't have to bear that pain alone when you are with others feeling the same pain.  Of course you are angry God took her. Of course you are angry she left.  Those are normal feelings of acute grief, and they will, in time, become less painful, yes, at first I didn't believe that either.  Tell God exactly how angry you are.  God is love, will not be offended and knows you are in pain.  Please, please go on living....I promise you it is worth it.  None of us knows when our time will come, and none of us is promised a Tomorrow.  It is all a part of the circle of life.  Your loved one's spirit is still alive and still loves you.  Love her back by making a special memorial in her honor, a small shrine or planting perhaps.  My analogy has been that my life was shattered into a million pieces when my husband died.  Now life is a puzzle I have to put back together, and of course some of my pieces are missing.  I still have many times when I cry for hours....let yourself cry and scream as much as you need to.  It will help and is a necessary part of healing.  You can heal.  I am concerned for you, wanting to end your life.  Please reach out for help.  I know your heart is broken.  I know that unbearable, miserable pain you are experiencing.  But it won't last, it has taken me a long time to learn that truth.  Our hearts are a lot more resiliant than we think.   

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on November 20, 2014 at 4:47pm

Lynn is absolutely right.We were building a house for our future retirement and home invaders entered the house after midnight while we were asleep.I heard noise and I woke up and my soul mate was fighting with four invaders,I engaged in the fight and one guy pulled out his gun and shot me three times..My partner came to my assistance while i was on the floor but the same guy shot him right in heart and he died next to me.Sure i bitched with the Lord above but now I am   better and trying to live ,sure I still have bad days and I cry but I also have good days ,This all happened two years ago and  our love began in 1969   My life is empty now but I continue to speak with the Creator  who made all of us .You must do the same Stanley

Permalink Reply by Sandy Hendrix on November 20, 2014 at 3:39pm

I also did not get to hug my baby or say goodbye.  We were suppose to have lunch the next day and I changed it.  I want to go back and see him and no that he needed to go back to rehab and yes I do blame myself and ask why..why would he do these awful drugs? why would he live us in this horrible pain? why couldn't our love save him. I also have started reading - I wasn't ready to say goodbye and feel it is going to help me.  It is hard to see everybody just going on with their lives when we are frozen inside.  maybe we might seem somewhat ok on the outside, but they cannot feel how we feel inside where I feel empty and so lost and alone, even with all the support there is. 

Permalink Reply by Vee on November 20, 2014 at 8:45pm

So sorry for your loss Zombie. Apt name, i feel like one right now, just ambling around, with no direction in life. My soulmate Eddie passed away suddenly on the 6th of October 2014. We`d been together almost 7 years, and after many ups and down, we had finally got to a great place. But that only lasted 10 days, and he was snatched away from me. When Eddie died, part of me did too. I`ll never be the same again, and cant wait for the day when i get to see him again. But suicide is a big no no. We have others who need us, and i wouldnt put them through the pain im in now. I wouldnt anyone else to suffer the pain i do now, its heartbreaking.  I live day to day, not caring, or even registering whats happened. Every minute i long to have him back, even for that last kiss or hug. I was also denied this as he`d been out with a friend, fell asleep at his house watching tv, and just never woke up. I`ll never get over it, you wont either, but you`ll find a way to get through it. Thats what im working on now, but its easier said than done, i know. I cry all day, you likely do too, but we will get through this somehow. Im doing a lot better since i found this group, so try stick with it if you can. Always someone here with a shoulder if you need it. We are all suffering, so we do understand, even though we are all suffering in different ways. Give us a chance here and we`ll try get you through it too. Please take care, and come here when you need to. 

Permalink Reply by Lynn Boyd on November 20, 2014 at 8:52pm

Oh Stanley, my heart aches for your loss. How traumatic that must have been, to have your soul mate and partner die right next to you in such a horrible manner. And you met him in 1969, that's a long time of sharing life and love. Be thankful for every moment you shared with him. I understand that empty heart you mentioned, but an empty heart means there is room for something new. I'm not suggesting you try to go out and "find someone else", even I shudder at that thought. You are doing well to keep in touch with God. When a heart is broken open, it means there is room for something else to come in. I joined a group of widows in a "compassion knitting circle", we meet every other week to knit and crochet blankets to donate to hospice patients. Doing something for somebody else helps me to find purpose. I pray you continue to get stronger, keep those lines of communication open with God. You will once again find purpose. Blessings upon you **hugs**

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on November 20, 2014 at 10:19pm

LYNN THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND CONCERN  BLESSING TO YOU WITH A BIG HUG Stanley