Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Vee on November 3, 2014 at 12:58pm

Alyk, i also had broken up with my Eddie just 3 weeks before he passed. But i could never stay angry with him, and we managed to sort things, once and for all i thought. It was like a big weight had been lifted and he was so happy again.  I thank god we did, it would seem so much harder had we not been together when he passed away. I feel for you, it must be so hard. Eddie also had a few addiction problems over the years, but nothing serious. I just cant see right now how i will go on without him, but i know somehow i must. I`m here if you ever need to talk. 

Permalink Reply by Alyk Esor on November 6, 2014 at 9:57am

Thanks Vee :-)  Thigns re getting a better, I have a new job so have something to focus on… Take care, x

Permalink Reply by Vee on November 6, 2014 at 10:35am

Today has been a struggle. One month ago today he passed and i still cry like it was yesterday. I light a candle for him daily, and play the Alan Peterson song, Tonight i hold this candle, which i found on another members page. Makes me cry each time i play it, but hope somehow he can hear it. My family now think my house has turned into a shrine, and tell me i need to go on. But i`ve no idea how to. I miss my beautiful Eddie so much. He was the one bright shining star in my life, and my heart feels it will explode at any moment without him. Rest in peace my darling, one day we will be together again. Love you gorgeous xx

Permalink Reply by Steve Suehiro on December 27, 2014 at 11:26am

I am so sorry for your loss. On August 8, 2014 I came home after work to cook dinner for my wife because I knew she would be too preoccupied with getting ready for the three photo shoots she had arranged to shoot that weekend only to find my beautiful wife dead in bed at the age of 36. It appeared to me that she must have slipped away in her sleep sometime after I left for work earlier that day. she was the center of my universe, the only thing I looked forward too, the sole one reason I had in my life to be a better man. It now appears that it was an accidental overdose, but was clearly not a suicide since she had packed her gear bags in anticipation of the three events she was to cover, and even put her usually shooting outfits in the laundry the night before she passed.

I do not really know how I got through the dark days and weeks that followed her passing. Her birthday came and went, as did our wedding anniversary, thanksgiving and Christmas. I am so lonely and miss her -she was my best friend.

They say that time heals all wounds, but I now think that is not entirely correct. I say that these wounds may never heal but over time I may become accustomed to living with the chronic pain of those open wounds.

Permalink Reply by Robin on December 27, 2014 at 2:30pm

Steve, I am so very sorry for what you are going thru. It's painfully similar to my own story. I came home from work to find my beloved Joe. I think it was a heart attack brought on by drug use. The results haven't yet came in an I dread to read what could be on the pages. I know it wasn't an intentional act. We had so many plans. He was my reason for living. My happiness, purpose, and love of my life. All that is now gone. I don't know how to put the pieces together and move forward. I don't know that I want to move forward. I came to this site and it does help knowing I'm not all alone. I don't know how to navigate this site very well and it becomes overwhelming at times. Hopefully I'll get better at it. I wish you peace in this journey we are now forced to take. I'm here if you want to talk or vent or anything. I just know it helps to know someone is going thru what you are and understands how debilitating the pain is.
Robin

Permalink Reply by Steve Suehiro on December 27, 2014 at 2:47pm

Robin, thank you for your kind words and support- I am so sorry to hear of your loss- it is indeed the worst thing ever to discover your spouse has passed unexpectedlyandyou feel like you are in a holding pattern dreading what the pathology report is going to say. I pay out of pocket for brief counseling because my HMO plan doesn't t cover it- but it has helped. It comes in waves for me- and I am not sure how I survived the last four months. But it does help to know someone who can relate to what this is like

Permalink Reply by Robin on December 27, 2014 at 9:52pm

Steve, It has been only 4 weeks for me and I'm starting counseling next week. I will also be paying out of pocket. I'm in the middle of changing jobs and have a 90 day wait for my insurance. I have thought of not taking the new job, but it was one of the last things I discussed with my husband. My interview was the day he passed. I went to it, came home and discussed it with him, then went on to work. He told me "just give it a try". So in some way I feel its something he is a part of. So I'm going to take his advise and give it a try. With the holidays it's been hard getting an appointment with a therapist, doctor, or anyone. I hope in some way it helps. The grief has been getting worse by the day. I think maybe it's Christmas, then I think maybe it's just the shock wearing off. I just know I need some help. I can't handle this alone. My beloved Joe passed on December 3rd. Our wedding anniversary was on the 13th, then Xmas, now New Years, and my birthday is New Year's Day. All this in 30 days is more than I can bear. I feel like my chest is caving in. The hole that his absence has left is beyond comprehension. And the report?? I can't and don't even want to think about that right now. I see it's been four months for you. I'm happy to see you've made it this far. It gives me hope maybe I will too. I just miss him so much. He was my world. We did everything together! Now I can't go anywhere without the reminder I'm alone. I'm sorry if this message is full of negativity. I'm just so hurt. I had no idea how much pain one person could be in. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses. We are all in these similar but very unique situations. Losing a spouse or life partner is a pain I don't think anyone can understand unless it's happened to them. I hope we both find comfort along the way.

Permalink Reply by Debbie-lee on February 3, 2015 at 4:39am

Hi Vee, im so sorry for your loss. i too lost my boy friend 3 weeks ago, suicide.

I feel your pain and life will never be the same ever. I read alot about it to try and understand. Joining groups is helping. Im sure my friends dont want to see me sad but i still am, and cant get over it even a little yet.  Its the missing him that hurts, knowing we will never see them again is just to hard. i still call his phone and text and email everyday. I cry too all the time.  I can say hang in there, things will be ok, but i need to beleive it first. lets chat together if you like .Deb

Permalink Reply by Debbie-lee on February 3, 2015 at 4:40am

Hi Vee, im so sorry for your loss. i too lost my boy friend 3 weeks ago, suicide.

I feel your pain and life will never be the same ever. I read alot about it to try and understand. Joining groups is helping. Im sure my friends dont want to see me sad but i still am, and cant get over it even a little yet.  Its the missing him that hurts, knowing we will never see them again is just to hard. i still call his phone and text and email everyday. I cry too all the time.  I can say hang in there, things will be ok, but i need to beleive it first. lets chat together if you like .Deb

Permalink Reply by Steve Suehiro on February 14, 2015 at 11:40am

So sorry for your loss.  I went through a period of texting my wife and calling her phone, but at one point I felt that it was impeding my ability to cope with her death, so I stopped.  It was very difficult but for me, it helped me move forward just a little more.   I know that your loss is relatively fresh -for me I reached the sixth mornth mark last weekend.   My first month was the worst in my life, but I somehow managed to get here.   I hope you can lean on your friends  and family like I did.

 

Pay no attention to the folks who tell you to get over it, or say well intended but stupidly useless crap like - "he's in a better place" or that "it's part of god's will"

 

Take the time you need to take care of yourself.  Make sure that you remember to eat and hydrate and try not to let the darkness paralyze you.  There is hope, and things may never be the same again, but things will be ok, I promise you.

 

Permalink Reply by Steve Suehiro on February 14, 2015 at 11:31am

I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through this.  As you probabaly know most of us here, myself included, have lost our loved ones unexpectedly.  That being said, none of us can truly know exactly how your loss is affecting you.  

 

For me I just passed the six moth mark- and it is still a struggle for me though it does get little easier as time passes.  But the pain I assume will last forever.   I still do not know how I got through the first dark month, but I am still standing.  I owe a lot to my therapist, my family and friends.   I still miss my wife every day.

 

Please continue to reach out. You can always rely on the members of this great group to have your back.  Just know that we are all behind you.

 

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