Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by melissa fulmer on December 6, 2010 at 9:34am

thank you so much karen. you are so right with the fact that people dont truly understand unless they have gone through something similar. Breanne would have been 16 on 7/24/10. we got her a nice birthday cake and we all went to her resting place and sang and celebrated her life. it hurts me to think that she never had the chance to learn to drive, to find love, or to one day have a family. i have two boys myself. chase who is 9 and alec who sis 3 1/2. I fear that my youngest will not remeber her becuase he was only 2 when we lost Breanne. Her favorite band was devastated by whay happend to her that they wrote a song for her. they played a concert near her hometome and held picture of her up and spoke of her and what had happened before singing the song for the first time. its amazing.

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Permalink Reply by Karen R. on December 6, 2010 at 8:22pm

Hey Melissa, just letting you know that I watched the video that you posted. The words are are very deep. How are your parents coping with their loss, are they on this site also? When you lose someone you love, it is the most hurtful event you will ever experience. Hopefully, taking care of your young children, will allow you moments of "distraction" from your pain. I know that for me, sometimes I don't feel like being "mommy" but I push myself because I also have a 6yr old. I try to hide my pain from her but that's not always possible. I am sorry that I don't have any encouraging words. I don't know when or if I ever will. I just want my son back. I want this all to be a horrible dream. I want to dance with my son at his wedding and tell his children how he use to drive me crazy but that will not happen. My heart will forever be broken.

Permalink Reply by melissa fulmer on December 7, 2010 at 9:35am

yes i was so amazed by the song he wrote for her. he only met her twice at 2 of his concerts and he adored her so much. my mother is doing the best that she can. i tried to get her to use this website but she still prefers "facebood" lol. which of course does not help because there are so many rip pages for breanne on there. my stepfather has issues and doesnt really talk or react about things. it does hurt me that i will never see my sister grow up and be sucessfull in life and to see her family.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on December 10, 2010 at 8:56pm

Hey Melissa, just saying hello, I was thinking about you and you mom. I am sorry that I still dont have any encouraging words but we all have each other on this site. Every one, unfortunately, understands.

Permalink Reply by melissa fulmer on December 15, 2010 at 5:41pm

thanks again karen!! xoxo

Permalink Reply by Jamie on December 10, 2010 at 7:38pm

To Everyone, in Particular Karen and Melissa,

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through and I feel that I can relate to both you and Karen in particular. My baby sister Rachael just died on Oct. 24th, six days before her 19th birthday. (I call her my baby sister but that is because I am 7 years older than her). She had an asthma attack, lost consciousness, slipped into a coma, and then suffered such severe brain injuries that she went braindead and we had to unplug her life support. She was in the hospital for almost a week. Melissa, I feel that I can relate to you because I know how painful it is to lose your favorite baby sister whom you love and want to protect, as well as have around for the rest of your life... and Karen, I understand the unique roller coaster through hell that is spending a week in a hospital with no sleep and waiting to get results of EEGs, talk to neurologists, and sitting by the bedside of the one you love, hoping and praying that they will just open their eyes and speak to you. I know. Believe me, I know.

 

I know its only been about two months for me and the grief is really new, but I do know and I have known that there IS hope that life will once again feel like it is worth living. I don't know when that will be, and I KNOW it will ALWAYS hurt (especially for you Karen, I understand that the depth of the pain of losing your child is the utmost heart-wrenching, incurable, sickening pain that can possibly exist), and I KNOW sometimes it feels like God had abandoned us and just let our pleads and prayers go to voice mail while he is on vacation. But, He DOES care. And there IS hope. We have to hang on and keep looking for it, because really, there is no other alternative.

 

I am six months pregnant with my first child, a baby girl. My sister Rachael was so excited and couldn't wait. She had dreams it was a girl and she always told me she thought it would be a girl. I found out on her birthday, a few days after she died that she was right. Even if it was in a dream, Rachael got to hold her niece and meet her, and I believe she is spending time with her little spirit up in Heaven before she gets here. I HAVE to keep going, and keep living, and keep looking for joy, because now I have a reason to live. You do, too. The key is hanging on and waiting to find out what that reason is.

 

Hang in there and know that your loved ones did not just fade away from existence forever. They still exist. They would hug you and comfort you if they could. They love you, and they know that it isn't a goodbye. Its a see you later. Hang on to that hope.

 

 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?  -1 Corinthians 15:52-55

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on December 10, 2010 at 8:47pm

Dear Jamie, thank you soooooooo much for your heart wrenching compassion.  I, too am very sorry that you have experienced such a tremendous loss.  You can never be prepared for such a loss. I am still so angry. It has been very hard to get past my anger and find peace. Your words are very encouraging. I long to see my son and hear his voice. Some days I try to convince myself that none of this ever happened. I do hope that peace does come to me sooner than later because I cant take much more. I feel so helpless like I did when my son was still in the hospital.  I couldn't do anything to save him.  Congrats to your first baby, I am sure that you will cherish her and never take her for granted. It just goes against the natural order of things to bury your child. Take care and thanks again.

Permalink Reply by melissa fulmer on December 15, 2010 at 5:47pm

Thank you Jamie. You are truly amazing. We do have that in common as far as the "baby sister". I am almost 29 years old and Breanne would have been 16 by now. she will always be my babysister. even if she lived to grow old she would still be my little girl. I helped raise her when i was a teenager and it was diffifult. i did not have much of a childhood but i will never ever regret that. it brought Breanne and I closer. It has been over a year now and it has not gotten easier. sometimes i feel as though it has gotten harder. everyone keeps telling me it WILL get easier and I believe them. it is just going to take a very long time.  hope to hear from you and karen. soon!! xoxo

Permalink Reply by Gina Newman on December 22, 2010 at 9:29pm

Melissa,

I am not going to begin by lying to you and telling you that it gets better because it doesn't. It never gets better you only learn to deal with it. I lost my brother 6 years ago and to this day still have multiple times in a week where I just break down. There are so many unanswered questions when you lose someone that was young and had just started living their lives. It took me a very long time to learn the best way for me to deal with my loss. I knew from the beginning that I could not be depressed and stop living. I had a daughter who my brother loved very much and who shared birthdays with him so they had a connection. I had to live for her. Now I find going to church as a special place where I feel I can connect with him. My best advice is to hold those who are closest to you closer and keep living your life in honor of your sister. I hope this helps a little.

Permalink Reply by melissa fulmer on December 28, 2010 at 10:25am

Thank you very much Gine. that is excellent advice. I feel as time goes by it will get more difficult thinking where she could be with her life at that present time. Would she have kids? A family? I am sorry to hear about your brother.

Permalink Reply by Ada Bowie on March 21, 2011 at 9:22pm

Hey Melissa,

I lost my 14 year old brother a little more than a year ago. Most people don't understand- they think losing a sibling is not as bad as losing a parent or a child... even a boyfriend or girlfriend. Losing my brother is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and nothing that could happen to me in the future is going to surpass this. We were very close and did everything together. But really everything: we went to sleep at the same time (meaning I waited to go to sleep if he didn't want to yet), we played games (he watched when I played something on playstation or gameboy and inverse), we went to martial arts classes together (I haven't been since he died), we slept in the same room, in a bunk bed, and sometimes switched beds for a night if we got bored, sometimes we even slept in the same bed and fought over who occupyed the more space. Sometimes I feel like people only feel sorry for my parents, like if what I'm going through is not as bad. Well, they ignore the fact that I don't have any memories in which he isn't there. He was part of my life, and people just pretend, or think, somehow, that we, siblings, don't suffer as much as our parents. Me and my brother were even very close in age. I was 15 when he died at 14.

I understand how you feel and what you're going through, I guess and hope we just have to give it some more time, even if that means years. But the pain will never really go away, unfortunately.

I wish I would just hallucinate him, so I could see him again and hear his voice, even if it's a creation of my subconcious. I don't know if you feel the same way about that, though.

I wasn't even allowed to go to my brother's funeral because I was in the hospital. I guess that could be why I want to see him at least one more time. I was the only one in my family who didn't get to go... I don't really know how to feel about that.

I hope you get better,

Ada

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on March 22, 2011 at 2:59pm

Greetings Ada, i am so sorry that you lost your best friend......your brother.....so young. I have not lost a sibling but I did lose my son. The pain from a loss such as these is beyond anyoneone's imagination if they have not experienced it. My daughter, my son's sister, has expressed the same feelings that you mentioned. One year after she lost her brother, her 19yr old boyfriend was tragically killed. A double whammy! She was already depressed over her brother but losing her boyfriend put her over the edge. My son passed away about 16 months ago and her boyfriend passed away a week before Christmas. I can not speak for your parents but I can imagine their tremendous pain. For myself, I have been and continue to be in a constant state of sadness and anger and I know that it is difficult for me to provide my other children with comforting words because I still have no peace or comfort. My daughter did attend a group therapy session but she has expressed that she will try individual therapy instead. She is slowly becoming less depressed and her friends are a huge support for her because many of them are mutual friends of hers and my son. This is just a difficult process and NOone can tell you how to feel or how long you should be feeling this way. Don't be afraid to tell people how you are REALLY feeling. If someone asks you if you are "OK" and you are not.......tell them NO you are NOT "OK". Don't sugar coat your feelings just not to make someone else feel uncomfortable.

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