Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ken Ciolek on July 26, 2010 at 5:19am

Jodi

I lost my daughter in December and my wife is having a very hard time in dealing with it. I am as well but finding ways to stay strong for my wife and son and seems to be helping all of us. I would like the oppurtunoty and think i can do the same for you. I saw you did email me back and will respond to tjat also.

Permalink Reply by mary black on July 26, 2010 at 10:06am

Jodi,

Oh, Honey, I am so "very" sorry. I cannot fathom the pain you are going through and just the thought of losing one of my kids I can't stand. I am not a grief counselor but you feeling "crazy" has to be normal. From one Mother to another, I always said that if anything ever happened to one of my kids, I would be in a padded cell. I would not worry too much about the feelings and "what" anyone else thinks. It is real easy for them to stand back and judge. They are not going through what you are. I do know that grief is as "individual" as snow flecks no two persons will ever grieve the same. So stop worrying about being crazy. I feel you are intitled to be crazy if that is "how" you want to perceive it. See a grief counselor, go to a grief support group. But above all be kind to you. I lost my sister to an incompetant surgeon in March and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Again, I am so truely sorry. My heart goes out to you.

Sending you many hugs and blessings

Permalink Reply by Jodi Denton on July 26, 2010 at 3:26pm

Hi Mary,
I am sorry about the loss of your sister. Thank you for your warm message.

Permalink Reply by Lisa Stansbury on July 26, 2010 at 3:16pm

I just want to reach out through cyberspace and give you a hug. I lost my boyfriend of 3 years to hairy-cell leukemia last month. It's a completely curable disease so we thought he would make it -- but I guess he went to the doctor too late. If I could warm you heart in my hands and help it heal, I would. Your children love you and don't want you to hurt. But it can't be helped can it? I just keep remembering, I either get bitter or I get better. I'm trying to get better and hope these words helped you even just a tiny bit.

Permalink Reply by Jodi Denton on July 26, 2010 at 3:24pm

Hi Lisa,
I am sorry for your loss, truely. I lost my dad to cancer last year. I appreciate you writing back to me because I am really having a hard time.

Permalink Reply by Jodi Denton on August 27, 2010 at 5:57am

Hi Amanda,
Thank you for writing to me I really appreciate you taking the time. Everything you said was very wise and true I know...I wish I would have seen your post sooner because it would have made me feel less crazy sooner...A friend told me about PTSD just a couple days ago and although it doesnt make me feel good that I have an actual disorder now... I do feel better that someone recognized it and told me to my face that I may have it... if they hadnt of then I would have kept on thinking that I was just crazy because the loss of my son has caused all kinds of weird things to happen to me mentally, emotionally AND physically..which is the most surprising to me.. I knew about the other symptoms that grief causes but I did not know that it can cause actual physical problems. I do need to see a councellor you are right and I am hoping to do that this week.. I believe I do have a form of PTSD..also referred to as "Traumatic grief" .. I read a little about it and it is different that regular grief..I would like to talk to you any time you have the time if you would like to..it sounds like you are very smart and your message made me feel better so thank you.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on August 25, 2010 at 9:27pm

Unfortunately, once again, I am sorry for you loss. I am sorry for any parent that has lived to witness this kind of agony. I am also sorry for the loss of your parent. You are definately NOT "crazy". I am suffering the loss of my son also, so I can relate. My pain has not subsided and my anger has only intensified, my son was killed less than a year ago and I still dont feel "ok". The only thing that keeps me going is my little daughter, I have to be mommy to her even when I do not feel like it. I try to physically hide my pain from her but deep inside my sadness is so profound. I explode with tears as soon as she is away from me. Here is a poem that you probably will be able to relate to. Take care.


35,436 members
Privacy: Open
Category: Mom Support



)
Poem about suffering a loss

Unless you've lost a child.......then
Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it.
A part of us died with our child.
Don't tell us they are in a better place.
They are not here with us, where they belong.
Don't say at least they are not suffering.
We haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all.
Don't tell us at least we have other children.
Which of your children would you have sacrificed?
Don't ask us if we feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Don't force your beliefs on us.
Not all of us have the same faith.
Don't tell us at least we had our child for so many years.
What year would you choose for your child to die?
Don't tell us God never gives us more than we can bear.
Right now we don't feel we can handle anything else.
Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain.
Don't tell us you know how we feel, unless you have lost a child.
No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things.
Don't take our anger personally.
We don't know who we are angry at or why and lash out at those closest to us.
Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room.
We are in pain, but not deaf.
Don't stop calling us after the initial loss.
Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us.
Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away.
We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others.
Don't tell us to get on with our lives.
We each grieve differently and in our own time frame.
Grief can not be governed by any clock or calendar.
Do say you are sorry. We're sorry, too, and you saying
that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those
tired cliches you don't really mean anyway. Just say you're sorry.
Do put your arms around us and hold us.
We need your strength to get us through each day.
Do say you remember our child, if you do.
Memories are all we have left and we cherish them.
Do let us talk about our child.
Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts, forever.
Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings.
Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process.
Cry with us if you want to.
Do remember us on special dates.
Our child's birth date, death date and holidays are
a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child.
Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child.
We do.
Do show our family that you care.
Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain.
Do be thankful for children.
Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on August 26, 2010 at 11:26am

You are very welcomed, sorry I don't have any words of comfort. I am still hurting and very angry myself.

Permalink Reply by Jodi Denton on August 27, 2010 at 5:22am

Karen, thank you so much for posting that poem.. I feel every single thing that that poem is talking about... it is exactly how I feel. I havent read your story yet.. I am going to right now but I would like to tell you that I truely am very,very sorry for whatever loss or losses you have endured.. I do not know exactly how you feel but if it is anything like I feel then I am truly sorry... I am sorry I cannot be more comforting, I wish I could but my own loss has brought me to my knees and I have no comfort in me to give.. I'm sorry.

Permalink Reply by Jodi Denton on August 27, 2010 at 6:04am

Karen... I would like to talk to you sometime when you have the time if you would like to.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on August 27, 2010 at 8:36pm

Ok, would you like my email? I dont know if this site allows that because I use to belong to another online grief site and they terminated me because I gave someone my email address and cell #. They said I violated their policy. I would be happy to if it's allowed. Take care Jodi.

Permalink Reply by Jodi Denton on August 28, 2010 at 3:56am

My E-mail is JSLD68@aol.com . it isnt against the rules as far as I know.. I see people do it all the time on here but I really dont know I am still new to this.
But I would also like to say that anyone that see's this message can contact me if they would like.
I left a reply to you and I hope it doesnt make me sound like too much of a crazy weirdo because I'm not... I'm just grieving. There is one single comment that someone said to me a couple of days ago that I would like to share with you because I promise you thinking of this comment helped me so much, the comment was "When a person is grieving they ALL feel like they are going crazy...there is crazy anger, crazy feelings, crazy ups and downs in mood and even crazy physical symptoms that manifest from the crazy pain in your heart....
This "Crazy" stuff happens to you and you feel like YOU are going crazy .. you are NOT going crazy... your emotions ARE going crazy... and the crazier the symptoms are,it just means that you really loved the person you lost that much....like crazy". That comment really helped me.. I hope it helped you.
talk to me anytime.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next ›
• Page