Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rosie Fletcher on May 9, 2012 at 9:42pm

Tina, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.  It's tough to lose someone suddenly, but you've lost both parents in such a short timeframe.  Don't be so hard on yourself with all of the should haves and what ifs.  Sometimes writing a letter with everything you're feeling helps.  Maybe write one for your dad and write another one for your mom.  Just a suggestion.  It's not always easy to spend time with our parents when you have a job and also have kids to raise.   I'm positive they understood.  Big Hugs to you.

 

Permalink Reply by renee collier on May 21, 2012 at 10:37pm

hi Justkate,

 what great words of support! 

Permalink Reply by renee collier on May 21, 2012 at 9:37pm

Hi Heartbroken,

I am so sorry for your losses. I can relate to everything you said.  I lost my fiance a few weeks ago (april 21, 2012) he was only 43. and we have been together for 7 years.  I went to meet him on his boat and I found him dead. I understand when you say there is a pain in your heart that does not go away.  And the memories are always there. I also started a one on one therapy session.  I have only been once  and the first I went I cried A lot!  I have been told that it is okay to do that that it is part of the grieving process.  May I suggest something.... I found a group grieving support group.  I have found this to be helpful because the people there are all grieving a loved one and they can relate to what I am feeling. 

I also found a really good book called The Essential Guide to Grief and grieving by Debra Holland Ph.D- I have found it helpful.  I will share with you one thing the book says that has helped me " Tears are a common reaction to grief.  Physically, the act of shedding tears during a highly emotional or stressful event removes toxic substances from the body. Tears also contain leucine enkephalin, which is a nuatural pain reliever. "  This made me realize that all my crying I am doing is helping me. 

I also relate to your not working.  I was laid off of work last Dec.  But I am in the middle of my internship for school.  After my fiance passed I did not go to my internship.  I have since returned.  I have been doing ok.  Except for today.  Today was really hard.  I attended 2 meeting today and during the meeting I had a anxiety attack and I felt so sick.  I don't know how I made it through.  I'm suppose to work tomorrow and maybe wed.  I don't know if I will go because I am worried of having another attack.  So I understand why you can't work. 

I can also relate to the family issues that you may be going through.  My relationship with my fiance was not accepted by his family and I was not allowed to attened his funeral that they prepared.  I planned my own memorial service for him. 

Sorry for the long reply but your post really spoke to me and I felt your pain and suffering.  I have a 16 year old daughter so I know the feeling have having to be strong for the kids. People say it gets easier but I don't see it that way.

You are in my thoughts! 

Permalink Reply by renee collier on May 21, 2012 at 10:46pm

Hi Tina,

i meant to add in my earlier reply... we all will grieve in a different way so be easy on yourself, you are doing the best you can. People keep asking me how I'm doing and its so hard to answer.  I say do you want a real answer or a superficial answer.  The real answer is... I'm not doing well and the superficial answer is... ok,  taking it day by day.

Permalink Reply by Tina W on May 27, 2012 at 7:02pm

Rosie- Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have tried keeping a journal of my thoughts and feelings but it didnt help much so I stopped after a couple days. I will keep in mind about writing a letter to each one seperatly, its just hard because I know they wont hear anything I say. One day I sat at my dads grave for about an hour crying and just talking and at the same time I felt like he would never hear a word I said but maybe if Spirits are real he might of heard.

 

Kate- Thank you for taking time to read and reply. Everyday seems like a constant battle as I try to take one day at a time. People say it gets easier with time but for me I feel it's getting worse. My kid's are the only thing that has me going right now and I am thankful because I honestly dont know what I would do without them in this situation. I used to think I dont want to do anything to make them proud now because its too late but recently ive been rethinking my life and thinking about all the things my parents were proud of me for doing and maybe try to do those things again and accomplish the ones I didnt accomplish.

 

Renee- I am so sorry for your loss. So young and it had to of been really hard to find him like that. To lose your "solemate", the person you turn to for everything and do everything with Im so sorry. My sister found my mom and I hate to say it but Im glad it was her to find her and not me, I think I would of really lost it, even tho I seen her while she was still in bed I new what I was going into, but to not know I think is 10 times worse. Like you I only seen my therapist for a short time, I went for 2 sessions and kept apologizing for crying because thats all I did, and she actually told me about the crying releases something so its healthy, found that very interesting but as Im sure you know it doesnt make the crying any easier. I also have the anxiety attacks like you. They just come out of nowhere. Ive been thinking about returning to work again but not sure I am ready to. I am going to check out that book, im desperate to find anything to help. Thank you so much!

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on May 29, 2012 at 4:01pm

i no how you feal i lost my dad in march and this page and i love my dad helps u get yore forts down its hard to stay strong i break down in tears evry day coz my dad woz my hero like my mum is my dad woz my best frend my cuzens wen thy lost thr parents woz the sam mum ended u p with depresin but her dr has help her for a wile i fort of jumping off a bridge but cudent do it sum days i still feal lik doing it but cant it anoys me wen peopl say get over it oer foget abot him but i cant coz he woz my dad no mater how old you r evry 1 wants thr parents to liv for ever and be ther for thm