Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on October 21, 2013 at 3:41pm

im so sory for yore loss cathryn i lost my dad lst yr 3rd mrch 2012 at 220am but his postmorten wz so full of bull 3 difrnt repoerts 3 difrnt tms im gong by tm me mum got th we got th at 230am we had a teligram delived 2 door early in morng tellng us 2 get th stare away but tryng 2 get a taxi tht tm in mrng is so hrd 

my dad also had c op d lk i hav erly stges of it i no abot fone thng 2 bean bad news coz latly it has bean bad news wn s1 fonesthes lst 2 yrs hav bean a lot of bad news me mum hav lost so mny peple frnds nboz famly sad thngs is only tm i sea family is at a funrell i no it sonds sad

sory if iv saed wong thngs

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on November 5, 2013 at 8:24am

I to am sorry for your loss. My father in law fell several times in the assisted living facility. The last fall was the one that caused a brain bleed that took his life. We had visited many times and knew he was going to pass away but NOTHING can prepare you for that call. When you feel safe that your parent is "fine" and you get a call out of the blue it has to be terrible. As you say all of us are subject to death and no person as at lease on unending life. However, if you are in constant fear of loosing someone to the point of not getting enough sleep then you are putting yourself at risk of being the call that your family is devastated by. So what can you do? Do you believe the Bible? If so it can answer any questions you have and give hope for the future. True time and unforeseen occurrences befall all, but we can take good care of our health and take reasonable precautions as we go about our everyday lives.

It is a matter of focus. What we focus on is what our life becomes. I have psoriatic arthritis and the bones are eroding in my hands - it is very painfull - but if I focus on the pain, that is what I see, more pain. However, if I focus on what I can do and the many joys of my life, my life becomes happier and I can do more. I focus on God's promises of a paradise earth and no more death or sickness. It is what I look forward to that makes me happy. I hope you will be able to look forward soon. But remember, I will be happy to listen anytime day or night.

Isaiah 41:10 & 13; Psalms 37:10, 11, 29; Revelation 21:4

Brenda

Permalink Reply by Danny on November 16, 2013 at 4:19pm

Am just reading now a small guide to coping with sudden loss.  I feel that the first two to three months are hell and that is how it worked for me at least.  I oscillate between denial and recognizing the fact that I have to find a way however long it takes. 

Permalink Reply by Tracie B. on December 10, 2013 at 3:09pm

Hi Cathryn,

Reading your story reminded me a lot of my own - I lost my dad, unexpectedly, on October 30, 2013.

He was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis - a few years back - but was doing okay. Then suddenly, he took a turn for the worse; he suddenly got extremely weak, tired and had a lot of trouble catching his breath. We kept trying to encourage him to go to the doctor, but he kept putting it off. On a Tuesday morning, a couple of weeks later, he wound up getting rushed to the ER and by Wednesday evening, he was gone.

I feel guilt and anger, over a lot of different things in regards to his death, but I know that there was absolutely nothing that we could have done to prevent it from happening. My dad was extremely stubborn and he did things on his own schedule and the harder we pushed, the harder he would push back. And because this is my first really big, gut-punching, heart-wrenching loss, I also worry about losing the people that are close to me now - especially my mom, since she has a lot of health issues.

The only thing I know to do is talk about how I'm feeling and hope that eventually these feelings subside but take comfort in knowing that you're not alone in how you're feeling :)

Permalink Reply by Jenna on December 10, 2013 at 9:05pm

Hi Cathryn, I am so sorry for your loss. I have also lost my father unexpectedly, and it hurts every day. I have a lot of guilt associated with my dad's death, because the last few years his alcohol use had really become an issue and I was starting to resent him and pull away from him. Now, I look back and wonder what more could I have done to make our relationship better. Regarding your current situation, I am also constantly full of worry. I always make everyone text me when they are home safe, and I don't like to be too far away in case anything bad happens and I need to come home. I have tried talking to a one on one counselor, which didn't help me much because I just cried the whole time. With that being said, I often find that crying lets me release some of my emotions, and helps me sleep a little better. Sorry, I know that probably doesn't help. I also use OTC melatonin (I swear by the CVS brand.) It's a natural supplement that adds to the melatonin already in your brain to help you sleep. When I really worry, I have panic attacks and bad anxiety so I do have a prescription in case my nightmares/worries get really bad, but I don't like to take them. In addition to texting family/friends to make sure they are safe, I also try to take a few minutes to myself to decrease my anxiety and worries. I sit alone in silence and watch tv, knit, and breathe. Giving myself a few minutes alone helps me to relax. I hope this helps! I will be refering back to your post often, since I feel like we are in similar situations. Remember to breathe!

Permalink Reply by Kellie M. on November 30, 2014 at 11:01am

My dad died suddenly in August and I understand what you are saying.  Whenever my mom calls I go into panic mode.  It seems to be getting a little better for me though.  I also constantly wonder when I or others in my family are going to die.  But I feel like a hypocrite because i am not taking very good care of myself lately.  All I can think about it is the night that he died, when my mom called in a panic to tell me to go to the hospital (little did we know, he was already dead)