Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by christianlee on January 1, 2012 at 7:52pm

I feel the same. Very hard moving to 2012. Don't want dad to be forgotten and I don't know how to start this new year without him.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Santoli on January 1, 2012 at 8:07pm

You almost feel you are deserting them by moving on to a New Year. Nice to know I am not alone feeling this way.

Permalink Reply by stephanie corrao on January 17, 2012 at 8:54pm

I feel the exact same way.  I just don't know how to go on without him.

Permalink Reply by Annette Dominguez on January 4, 2012 at 10:08am

Hi Barbara,

 

I know that same exact feeling. I lost my husband of 30 years on 1/1/11. Right now I think I will not feel like saying "Happy New Year" for quite some time. My kids are going back to college this week so will be by myself again and I hate it. I feel like you that I am losing my will to go on. Each day feels like a new day of sadness. I want to be happy and optimistic again but it feels like it will never happen. I pray every day for God to give me peace and to make my heart whole again.

 

Annette Dominguez

Permalink Reply by Barbara Santoli on January 4, 2012 at 1:59pm

Hi Annette,

I know what you mean "Happy" does not seem to be part of my vocabulary. I just can't seem to find how I will be happy again. I love it when people tell to keep busy and it will be good for you. I admit it does help. But there are days that I just don't want to do anything. Today I keep saying "I really don't like my life". I think of what my husband and I would be doing. I had waited and dreamed for so long to retire and all we got was 3 months. I guess I am grateful for that. I spent the week with my chidren and that was good except I wanted to be in my own home. Now I am home and alone again. I guess I just don't know where I want to be. I pray for us for strength and the will to go on. I hope some day this ache in my heart will heal! In the mean time talking to people who are feeling the same thing is very helpful. Thank you for sharing. May God be with you,

Barbara

Permalink Reply by christianlee on January 4, 2012 at 11:54am

So sorry Barbara. I lost my dad last summer. We were very close. I lived only 2 miles from him....so we saw him almost daily. We sure miss him. This was the saddest new years for me. Think I cried the whole weekend. I just don't want to leave him behind.

Permalink Reply by Shannon Finley on January 14, 2012 at 1:15pm

You know, it's really good to read your post. Not because of the obvious pain that you feel, but because it lets me know that I was not the only one that felt this way. 2011 was also the worst year of my life, and at midnight on New Years Eve, I also started to cry, because I felt like he should be there with me.  Sometimes I get angry at him for leaving me behind, but then again, as my dad told me once, if you love someone, even if they pass away, they never really leave you. Their spirit is carried on in the hearts of those that loved them the most. So I hope you find some comfort in those words just like I did. Because even though your husband may be gone physically, I can assure you he is still with you, even if you can't see him. Please, if you need someone to talk to on a more personal level, feel free to message me anytime.

All the best,

Shannon

Permalink Reply by Barbara Santoli on January 14, 2012 at 3:57pm

Shannon,

Thank you so much and sharing your Dads wisdom. He is so right, they do not leave us. I feel my husband with me every day. Yes I do get angry that he left me behind. This was not what we had planned. Even though his death was sudden I think some how he knew. He always told me that "Life is short" and he was so right. I wish I had listened more closely. Some days are easier than others. The other day I decided to organize all my recipes and make cookbooks for my children so the family recipes would live on. When I went through my recipe box there was his writing, there were even notes he had written so he is just with me all the time. Even though it makes me cry to feel him watching over me is comforting. This site and the people here are so helpful. I don't feel so alone.

Love and strength   Barbara

Permalink Reply by Shannon Finley on January 14, 2012 at 4:12pm

My friend Nate told me one night that I should never go to bed angry or sad, or anything but happy, because you never know if you're going to wake up the next morning. He told me this on the night of April 30th. I didn't really think too much about it, because he was always saying stuff like that to me. But this one really sticks with me because of when he said it. The morning of May 1st is when they found him in his bed, he had passed away in his sleep. So I think he somehow knew it was coming too. I don't know how, but I really think he knew. Looking back I can see that in the last couple months before he died he pulled everyone he cared about close to him, and close to each other. I think that was his way of saying goodbye without really saying it. I moved recently, and as I was unpacking I found so many things that had some sort of tie to him, and I'm still finding things, even things that I thought I lost months ago. I think that's his way of saying "hey love, I'm still here" so it's kind of nice, although like you it makes me cry too. My thoughts are with you.

Shannon

Permalink Reply by Robin Jone on January 18, 2012 at 6:58am

Barbara, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not lost a spouse but have suffered many losses, my parents,  brother, nephew, sister-in-laws but most recently and tramatically I lost my son Zach in an accident. I reacted the same way you did New Year's eve. I forced myself to go to a friends house because my daughter and her family were going to be there. I made sure I was home my 11:30 or so, my husband had to work New Year's eve. At 12:00 I just held Zach's picture and cried and cried. I think the fact that at least 2011 Zach was still in my life, and the thought of 2012 him no longer being here is too much to bare. I am like you sometimes I feel like I am losing it, but I try to take it one day at a time. A friend of mine lost her son nine years ago, he was murdered. She told me she had to make a decision, whether to give up or be a survivor. She has become such an inspiration to me. Seeing that she is actually happy now, and is continuing to live life. I too have decided to be a survivor, many days that is not easy. This group has been a blessing too me because at least here I know I can talk to people who understand my pain. I pray that some day our pain will ease and that we will be able to be happy again. You are in my prayers. Big hugs. Robin

Permalink Reply by Barbara Santoli on January 18, 2012 at 9:40am

Robin, Thank you so much for your thoughts. My prayers are also with you. I guess it is really up to us to survive and we have to choose. Its just some days I don' t want to make the effort. It does take a lot to get through each day and that is the only way we will survive. I did hear something one day to the effect that we start to form scar tissue but the wound never completely goes away. I know we wll carry our loved ones in our hearts forever. I know my daughter who had such a hard time losing her Dad is finally able to look at pictures and smile not cry. My son who has pushed his grief away is having a harder time. I think he feels he is now the man in the family and has to stay strong. I've told him he can't push it away, its real and its here and he has to deal with it. Lets just ask for the strength to survive and find happiness again. Love Barbara