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Comment by Patty on April 24, 2016 at 7:07pm

The 'seeing people' went about as I expected.  I listened to people talk about a life I'll never have.  Jesse's Mom, I also want them to be happy but it's just a awful reminder of what could have been.  It's like a big neon sign saying "THIS IS WHAT YOU COULD HAVE HAD!"  There are really only a few people I can tolerate anymore.  I guess it's not them, it's me.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 24, 2016 at 4:01pm

I agree Patty. Yesterday I got to hear about how my son's best friend is getting married, in an IT position in Minnesota..and so forth. Not that I don't wish him the very best because I do.

However, it just felt like it emphasized the fact that my son is gone from me in this life. Feeling very blue.

Comment by Patty on April 24, 2016 at 11:23am

I have to see people today.  I don't do well around people.  I get to hear about grandchildren, family vacations, etc.  It's all pain.  It's all salt in my wound.  That's what I feel like, a walking open wound.

Comment by kim on July 11, 2014 at 6:34pm

first time since my son went away, I blew up at my sister and there kids, I have never been so mad, telling me to get on with life, it hurt so bad, I thought I would kill them, thank god  for this sight,  thank god for the friends ive made here, thank you for hearing my unbearable pain and knowing what im going through.    thank you     kim

Comment by kim on July 9, 2014 at 3:15pm

I wish my sisters were here to help me go through this pain, I feel so alone here. its like there afraid to come near me unless they want something. they say there busy with there kids and grandkids, that hurts so bad, im not asking for the day im asking for a little time to talk about shawn, to help me remember the good times, im having trouble remembering them, my head is just so full of that last day over and over. I know they don't know the pain im in but all they have to do is look at me, my eyes. see my tears everyday. my empty heart. it would be nice to hear my babys still here from them, to tell me they to love my shawn, but I have not heard that. to hear there here for me, have not heard that either. I went to see my son today like I do everyday, I asked him if he wants me to come with him please tell me and I will. this nightmare will never end, and I know I just cant keep going anymore, im so very tired, and dear god I need my son. I hurt so bad, my tears still flow, my heart still brakes. why why did he take my only child my beautiful son why? why did he leave me here?

Comment by kim on July 7, 2014 at 4:30am

sitting out side at 4 this morning, the birds were singing, and I was crying. just cant sleep anymore, sleeping pills are not working as good. I kust kept asking shawn to hold me. how much more can I take? 8 months of pure hell. why cant I forget that last day, to keep reliving it over and over, screaming  shawn don't leave me. its just getting to be to much, I need him, and I hope he needs me, I miss him and I hope he misses me. all I keep saying is shawn take me with you im so very tired .

Comment by kim on July 6, 2014 at 1:13pm

everyday is so full of tears, never sleeping and im so tired

Comment by Melissa T on July 4, 2014 at 11:14pm

Went half a mile down the road to see my nieces and nephews, along with there parents,  it's been 5 years since I'd seen most of them, after Kaitlin died I became the outcast, I guess my brothers and sisters thought it was contagious, or maybe I didn't need family after losing Kaitlin. It was great seeing all the kids who are now all adults, made me feel old! A little wierd seeing my siblings, came home before the fireworks at dark, missing my Kaitlin so much, just want to curl up and cry, think I will. It is what it is, doesn't mean I have to like it. Happy Fourth of July all!!

Comment by Connie K on July 4, 2014 at 9:01pm

I can't celebrate. I spent a relaxing afternoon at a friend's pool party and  It was great to just float and dream of seeing my son once more. Not too much talking required. now I am done. The neighbors are having a party, asking us to come over. Come see the fireworks. I just can't function. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to talk to anyone who doesn't just know that all that's on my mind are the years when I would watch those fireworks with Daniel. I miss you so much my sweet angel. I wonder what fireworks look like from heaven. I just want you here with me. I just want you back

Comment by kim on July 3, 2014 at 5:16pm

sitting here crying a lot today, I miss my shawn so much. I just want to feel him here with me.i wish I could scream till I lose my voice,. it hurts so bad. all I want is to be with him, how do i go on with this pain, day after day. night after night.when will he come to my dreams, my life of hell as just begun,  my tears will never stop. please shawn help me to forget that last day . I cant get it out of my head. take my hand and ill go with you, im so ready my beautiful son. I pray every night that you wont forget me, ill always be your mom,  ill never hear it again but in my heart  I know. please shawn come to my dreams call me mom one more time, I beg you please. take away my pain, my broken heart and my tears.  night god bless my shawn, I love you and miss you. more then life.    forever your mom

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