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Comment by Amie on July 26, 2012 at 2:41pm

Hello Everyone, It's been seven months since my mom was taken from me. I can't explain it, I don't know if I was numb for the first six months. The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult. I was maintaining, but now the very thought of her makes my breakdown. It wasn't like I didn't feel anything for six months, on the contrary I was angry, sad, just a roller coaster of emotions. Now, this unbereable grief has settled in. I've been having a reoccurring dream that a faceless person debates about where to shot me, but in the end they always shot me in the top of the head. Everytime I think, "it feels squishy, I hope this what mom felt." Why after six months? Why am I struggling now? I thought over time it would get easier, not harder. The urge to call her overwhelms me regularly these days. Words don't ever seem to be enough to express the longing I feel for her. I bring this here because I know this there have to be others like me here.

Comment by Amanda Ab on March 22, 2012 at 1:58pm

Amie,

I feel you anger, frustration, numbness and pain. I am sorry for the loss of your young mother. All of your emotions are part of the grief after murder. I know it takes so much to go by on a daily basis while still feeling this inmense pain inside your heart. next month, will be 1 year of my husband's murder, and my pain is still here.  all i can tell you is take one day at a time, get close to your family and when things get to hard, just take one breath at a time.

take care.

Comment by Amie on March 22, 2012 at 1:28pm

My mom was married 23 years to a man that was accepted and loved by my family. They had had their ups and downs, but what relationship doesn't. In August 2011, I noticed my mom didn't call me as often anymore, but life gets busy. I knew that they had been arguing a lot more and his drinking had increased since he retired.

Three days before Christmas 2011 I was blindsided by a phone call from one of her neighbors informing the police were there and two people were dead inside the home. For whatever reason I never thought, "what happened?" The first thing I screamed, "he killed my mommy!" I knew immediately it was him without any indication of violence.

Over the next couple of weeks I learned so much more than I ever wanted to know. I can't believe me mom lived the last six months of her life in torment from the man she loved most of her live.

She was only 47. We were only 15 years apart, I thought she would be the person I would grow old with as silly as that sounds. She was the one constant in my live.

He had physically, verbally, and emotionally abused her. She was not allowed to talk to me, which in hind-sight explains why she started only called me from work.

The detective did a thurough investigation dispite already knowing it was a murder-suicide. He uncovered pictures of mom taken weeks before her murder of her black eye and many bruises. Those pictures haunt my dreams. The look on her face, she looked so ashamed.

My fears were that she had feared for her life and was running from him when he shot her. That was not the case. He was a coward. She was finishing her bedtime routine, in her pj's. She was at the bathroom sink, when he quietly walked up behind her and shot her from 3-4 feet away.

He immediately walked into another room, put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. I had hoped that he had hestitated and that death was not instant. I wanted to believe that he had laid there in pain and with the knowledge of what he had done to her.

Alas, that was not the case. He died instantly. It was my mom who had lived for  "seconds to minutes". The thought that she had struggled or lived in pain for any period of time eats me up inside.

Most days I ignore what has happened, I ignore that my mom is gone. I listen to old voicemails from her and think I'll call her back in a little bit. I can't face life without her.

I want the world to know what he did to her and I want everyone to hate him as much I do. I don't understand how anyone can think of him fondly. He was murderer, that nulifies anything else he ever did. This one act is so permanent that it voids out the rest of his existence to me. I become very angry with his children/family when they think of him in a favorable way. I keep my distance in order to avoid any conflict with them. I try very hard to remind myself that they did nothing wrong, he is the one I hate.

I don't feel these emotions subsiding. Everyday I am numb and if I'm not numb then I'm angry or inconsolable. It's been almost three months and I just don't know where to go from here. I don't want this to define me, but just getting out of bed in the morning takes all of my energy. Not much seems important anymore. No, I would never think of hurting myself, I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I'm just lost without my compass.

Comment by donna on February 7, 2012 at 10:51pm

I have read so many stories of unsolved murders here. In June it will be 4 years since my brothers murder and still no justice. PLEASE tell some of your cases have been solved. Has anyone had a case solved after several years?

Comment by Amanda Ab on January 15, 2012 at 11:38pm

Days, Weeks, Months are passing by without no arrest. This is so frustrating. Evil cannot triumph. I want Justice soon.  Person responsible must pay for all of my pain, agony, sadness, anger, my whole life ruined. My husband's case cannot be left unsolved. I pray every night for closure soon. This is just too much too handle.

Comment by Terrie B on October 16, 2011 at 3:36pm

It has been 3 long months now since Candance was murdered...........and not a day has gone by that hasn't started in tears and ended in tears.

I am not sure how the investigation is going...........we are only allowed very little information on the investigation.  I pray everyday that the monster is caught and my nightmare of not knowing who and why will finally be over.

I have been keeping up with my journal...............and completed a picture book for my granddaughter so she can see her mother growing up, every year ..........what she looked like and what she liked to do.  I still have not come to terms with her death.......I wake every day and pray that this is a bad bad bad dream...........

I know the day will come, and I will be face to face with the Monster who took her life......

 

Comment by Kandi Broussard on October 14, 2011 at 8:52pm

Terrie,  you are so right!!  It has been a year and 2 months since my mom was brutally murdered.  I am STILL VERY ANGRY.  It does not feel like it is going to go away anytime soon.  I just don't care anymore about what people think.  They have no idea  what me or any other murder victim's family members feel.  I have to face my mom's killer in court again on Oct. 24th.  I should be given the right to go over to him and his defense team and beat , strangle, stab him 19 times and then cut him up, just like what he did to my poor mommy.  I HATE him, his family, his defense and evberything about him!!! 

Comment by Shantel Collins on October 14, 2011 at 8:16pm

I miss my brother, I would do anything to have him back. I wish I could give my life for his, and I hope his killer is suffering and will always be haunted by what he did. If i could torture my brothers killer without consequence, I would

Comment by Shantel Collins on September 7, 2011 at 4:01pm

Terrie, I understand the anger you feel, but I am still in and out about the death penalty. Sometimes I think that the death penalty is too easy. I would rather the person be tortured than to die right away. I would love for the person to be in a room with no windows and no light. A tiny room they can never leave, and they have to sit there and rot and suffer. Some people lose their minds in solitary confinement. I murderers to suffer slowly and painfully in jail.

Comment by Terrie B on September 6, 2011 at 9:03pm

Shantel,

My daughters life was stolen on July 11, 2011.  I know your feelings and pain.  I go through them every day.  I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.             The person who murdered my daughter has not been found yet.  But I know he will be.  I go through every day thinking of how I will react when he is caught.  I know that no matter what the outcome....this monster will pay for what he has done to my daughter and what he has put her family through.

I wish I could say that I would want him to rot in prision.....but that is not what I want!  I want him to die the way she died!!!  If our laws were changed to protect the innocent and stop trying to rehabilitate these monsters and let them back on the street we would be better off.....you cannot change EVIL

I believe that the punishment should = the crime......it may give some of these monsters something to think about before they kill.

I know nothing will bring back my daughter, and all the bad negative thoughts that I have are not for another humanbeing.....but someone evil and sinister that does not deserve the breath the same air I do.  I have ALWAYS been pro death penalty.....and now moreso.  She will never see her daughter go up......she will never watch another movie, spend the holidays with her family or enjoy swinging in the hammock.  That was stolen from her and from us.  He stole her life.....

he stole my daughter.

Everyone says it will get better, I dont know how.  Yes I have alot of anger, but I think I have every right to be angry.  Maybe in time it will not be so prevelant.  But for right now this how I feel.

 

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