Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ruth on August 8, 2011 at 2:29pm

Dear Amanda,

 

Thank you for friending me.  I am so sorry for your and your son's loss.  I hope y'all are safe and believe me, many of us here know exactly how you feel about being torn into this new horrible place by someone else's CHOICE.  That some one made this happen.  We had to live with the murderer at large and unknown for 3+ years but God in His mercy and wisdom has revealed all and justice is finally underway.  I use the word justice loosely, perfect justice not being known until we see our Lord in Heaven, where your husband and my father wait for us in Glory.  My father was our rock here on Earth and we miss him so, so  much.  You are right, it is different to lose our loved ones this way than to disease process.  My mommy died of cancer almost 20 years ago and we had time to say goodbye and mourn as we went.  Daddy had just started venturing out in life again and was ripped from us right as he moved near us to be with his grandchildren more.  We had terrible fear, the whole community did, not knowing who did this but now that the murderer is charged, the anger is even worse.  My fear is not so much for my safety but for losing control of my anger, especially when defense LIES in court.  I wasn't naive before but now truly understand about evil and Satan being called the father of the LIE. 

 

I don't know what to tell you about your son.  My children were at least teenagers, though that brought a different set of problems and it was not their father/my husband.  I guess I'd say parenting is a huge job and if you feel overwhelmed by any of what you're going to face, you need to reach out for help.  Our state has a victim/witness program but didn't contact us until the perp was charged, though I guess we COULD have reached out first by law, if we had wished.  I'm a little bitter about that because it was all I could do to breathe and to remember to eat or shower.  Reaching out was beyond my capabilities.  Most states have similar programs, some worse than others.  I pray as you continue, you receive some peace and more strength.  Everyone here is so kind, there will be words of comfort and strength as you visit.  If you rant, that is fine, if you just read and don't post, as long as it is helping you, it is all good here.  Ruth

 

PS Thank you Coach Louise for this lifeline.

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on August 8, 2011 at 10:29pm

Thanks Ruth. I am seeking help. I am attending weekly Psychotherapy sessions. Who have been provide by the victim of crime program paid by the county. It helps a lot to vent out and let all of my emotions out. However,  I obviously dont have therapy every single day and that one day I go, I feel okay. But as the days pass by, I come back down. Justice here in this earth, we really want. For that coward to be put behind bars and avoid another victim. But I also believe in Justice from up above, who will eventually be served no matter what the outcome is here in this earth. I just cant understand how people can just take away someone else's life just like that. Without care. Who do they think they are? Who gives them that authority?. Thanks again for reading.

Permalink Reply by Sam on August 31, 2011 at 9:28pm

Hi amanda, i dont know if you got any other replies and mine may not be what you want to hear. i wont go into my story as i am sure you can find it on here. Since i wrote the first time i have changed a lot. I have come to grips with my pain and now i am enjoying my life and i want to live for the first time in 40 years. the good that came out of the person i loved's murder was that i hit rock bottom, tried to commit suicide, and decided i was tired of hating life. With lots of courage and therapy i now see that me being angry and filled with hatred hurts only me and my family. The man who is gone is in a better place i believe, we all miss him and i feel very badly for my son but we have all learned lessons. One is that you should live your life the best you can while you can. Life is precious, find your purpose. It is not doing your son any good you being sad all the time. Live your life the best way you can, help others, follow your dreams. Be the best mom you can. I am now in mexico learning to teach people english so they can have a better life. I finally stopped being angry and letting sadness take over my life. It doesnt help anyone including you. Peace, Sam

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on August 31, 2011 at 11:45pm

I understand how you feel. My brother was only 17 when he was murdered just this past April. I wish that I could kill that person with my bare hands. He is in jail awaiting trail, but how do we know he will get a conviction. I have to suffer for the rest of my life. Not only this, he had a child on the way. My niece was just born 3 weeks ago. He died because someone had a problem with his friend, and he got caught int the middle. Its not fair for me either. Deadbeat dads get to live, but my brother wanted to take care of his kid and was looking for a job and had perfect attendance in school. I have an application and a school letter to prove it. That killer deprived me of my hope to get closer to my brother. Everyone has to die, but not everyone gets murdered. There are so many negative people that live long fulfilling lives, and good people have to suffer. I dont know why, but only the best die young. I miss my brother everyday. I'm in pain too. The only thing we can do is lean on each other for support, and be happy that his soul is set free. At least he is not here in this piece of crap world to suffer like me.

Permalink Reply by Ashley Nicole on September 1, 2011 at 6:54am

Hi Amanda,

First let me just say how sorry I am for your loss. I do know your feelings, though. My sister was murdered July 24, 2011 by a guy she barely knew. She had a daughter; Ava. I feel so much pain for myself as well as Ava and it's hard to figure out where I begin and where the pain ends. Most people don't understand the feelings that we have to endure. I hope that with time you, I and everyone else that has been thrown into this "club" can come to terms with it, but I know that will take time.

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on September 30, 2011 at 1:55pm

Hello, Regina, we are now friends!

My husband and I had a son, who just turned 2. He was my husband's pride and joy. I feel that we were cheated out of spending more, a lot more time with him. He was taken away from us by a coward. My son was left without his dad, to watch him grow, spend time with him and teach him boys stuff.

 

The grieving is a process, and YES, I too see it as never ending. I see it as a "rollercoster" with ups and downs, mostly, downs. I too struggle every day to go on with life, how do I find the strenght sometimes to get out of bed? dont know, how I have made it this far?. I have my son, who needs me, I know, but I too need my husband!..

 

Take Care, and feel free to write to me.

Permalink Reply by Kerry Whitley on October 14, 2011 at 9:32pm

Amanda, I am sorry for your loss...I lost my mom to murder when I was 17 so I know the pain. There is no right or wrong way to deal with your loss, you gotta find your reason and keep going...that is what your husband would want and you have to be strong for your son but you also have to take care of yourself in the process and get help for both of you.

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Ann Collins on June 24, 2012 at 8:00am

Hi Amanda, I jus read your post and my story is almost exactly the same, except my husband and I were only married 3 years (both 2nd times), we were so happy, building our dream home and right after decorating our Christmas tree on Dec. 9th some coward hid in the bushes and shot him twice. It was a warning to his brother (he was the closest family to his brother).  I did not see anything but was standing right behind him.  I sometimes wish they had shot me too so that I do not have to go through the horror an pain of living without him.  I miss him so much and his killer has not been caught.  I have a lot of blame for his brother and feel because of him I am now a widow, while his wife is still alive (although he is in jail).  Two weeks after my husband was murdered, my father passed away in hospital without even knowing what had happened.  That was Dec. 23rd so instead of enjoying the holidays like we always did, we were grieving and in shock after losing 2 family members, especially me.  My wish is for the police to find the coward who did this and for his brother to suffer missing him as much as I do.

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on June 24, 2012 at 6:08pm

Hi Elizabeth. I guess our stories are very similar. I too lost my Dad. My husbands killer has not been caught. It has been almost 1 year & 2 months since his death and still find it so damn hard to accept. How can a person just kill another with no remorse whatsover for human life. has a suspect been identified on your husbands murder?
pls feel free to write to me. trust me i understand. if it wasnt for my son, i dont know where I will be?

Permalink Reply by Bern on January 17, 2013 at 9:30pm

Amanda, I know the feeling. Someone shot my son. Took his life over something. I don't want to live without my son..He was my only son. Yes, I will live with without him. I knew he was going to be a good man. A man that loved his mother, like his mother loved him.