Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sam on September 3, 2011 at 7:26pm

its true, it is very different, but there is one thing i came to realize. At least the pain and anguish was likely only a few minutes, at least in my loved ones case. I also have people close that are slowly and very painfully dying of cancer..and i have taken care of a hundred year old lady that is miserably confined to her bed and is in constant horrible pain. Basically there is no good way to die unless it is quietly in your sleep with a heart attack at a ripe old age. Yes, murder is awful and those of us left feel very alone because there are so few people in our positiion , so not may that understand. It takes awhile to not vision in your head every day, many times a day what you  know they went through but it does get better with time

Permalink Reply by jennifer on September 3, 2011 at 9:53pm

1st let me say i am sorry for your loss and you are right there is a difference when murder is involved,my 2 yr old son was murdered by someone who i was with and the bastard sat there and watched him die,some evil people dont die in there sleep and sometimes they get away with it or stay alive while we grieve but remember this there is no justice until the person who did that murder goes in front of god,even though we will still grieve i have to believe that 1 day we will see our loved ones again

 

Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on September 3, 2011 at 10:10pm

I am so sorry for your loss too. I am always complaining that my brother was only 17 when he was shot, but there are people that have less time with their loved ones. I am so sorry to hear about that. It makes me sick to my stomach when people kill children. I cannot wait for the day that these evil bastards have to answer for what they did. I strongly believe that what goes around comes around. Sometimes Karma takes its time.

Permalink Reply by Kerry Whitley on October 14, 2011 at 8:53pm

Jennifer, I am sorry for your loss...I couldn't imagine losing a child to murder...I lost my mom to murder when I was 17 years old. But I just wanted to say, even after you know that the murderer has passed on and gotten what they deserve, you still grieve...I know...it has been over a year that I found out that the person behind my mom's murder (the murderer is still in prison for life without parole), but the murderer's dad (my ex-stepdad) is the one who put her up to killing my mom and he died but I still have not felt justice is served because that doesn't  bring my mom back to me. That is just how I feel...it has now been 17 years that my mom was taken from us and I hurt like it was yesterday...every day.

 

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on September 7, 2011 at 5:14pm

Murder is different. Our loved ones were taken away from us by a person; not a disease or sickness. And it is because of that person; that we are here on this boards; grieving; angry; hating; frustration; screaming;. They took away our lives our everything, while they are enjoying life, whether out in freedom or even still behind bars. It did frustrated me a lot to think of my husband's last moments too. It is so hard to go by without those awful flashbacks that you get in your mind.

 

Have they made an arrest on your brother's case?

Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on September 7, 2011 at 10:51pm

Yes, those flashbacks in my mind are horrible. I could be sitting and watching a movie, and I can get a flash in my mind of what my brother could have went through and it makes me sick. I am happy to say they caught my brothers killer a week after he died, and he is now sitting in jail without bail awaiting trail. I am still on edge because I need a conviction not just an arrest. After this, I am wondering if I should start rallying for the death penalty.

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on September 12, 2011 at 9:23am

Murder is different.  Only someone who has lost a loved one to murder can understand.  I have learned that much through this horrible nightmare.  10 months before my mom was murdered, my dad died from cancer.  It is COMPLETELY different.  I did not know that I could hurt so much.  Losing my dad, has been horribly sad and just plain awful but my mom being brutally murdered has been MUCH worse.  I don't even know if I will get through each day.  Most of my friends have abandoned me, my husband probably will too.  I just don't even care anymore.  They are not gonna understand, no matter what.  It is so sad and frustrating

 

Permalink Reply by Kerry Whitley on October 14, 2011 at 8:55pm

Kandi,

I am so sorry for your loss...Yes, the two deaths are different to deal with...my mom was murdered when I was 17 years old and it has now been 17 years since she was taken from my family and I miss her so much still.

 

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on October 14, 2011 at 9:04pm

Oh--- Kerry... I can't even imagine feeling this way for 16 more years.  I keep thinking that once the trial is over, it will get easier.  Did you have to go through a murder trial?  If so, what can I expect?  How do you go through every day without "losing it"?  I am just hanging on by a very thin thread and I hate it! 

Permalink Reply by Kerry Whitley on October 14, 2011 at 9:15pm

Kandi, I believe the only thing that kept me sane was that I was in Church and I had to be strong for my two younger brothers (one was 16 and the other one had just turned 9 three days before the murder, and they are the ones who found our mom and took her to the hospital where she survived 13 days in ICU). Yes, we had to go through a murder trial but luckily the murderer (my ex-stepsister who was 17 at the time waived her right to a trial so it didn't take as long). It still took over a year before she got completely convicted...I went every day to her trial except the very last day of the conviction because the weather permitted me from being there but I was so glad she got life without the possibility of parole but her dad who put her up to it was scott free until he passed away over a year ago...Honestly, I can't remember a whole lot of details except it was very hard and emotional to hear how my mom's life was taken away and in such a horrendous way...she was shot 3 times (once in the abdomen and 2 times in the face and apparently it was lucky the gun jammed on the 3rd round or we wouldn't have gotten the 13 extra days with her). Anyways, to answer your question...there is no right or wrong answer..you just find something to make life worth living and remember the good times with your loved one...I am 35 years old now and been married for a little over 15 years and have 3 boys of my own plus adopted my youngest brother so I should be happy but I still have a whole or void in my life...I am so sorry I don't have much advice to offer for you. When is your trial coming up?

 

Permalink Reply by Kristal on November 8, 2011 at 12:39am

Kandi, My ex bf was murdered in a home invasion. It's been well over 15 years. I understand your anger and your constant pain. I'm responding now cause i feel it's important for you to seek out help with your grief. My grief sent me on a downward spiral, I lost touch with my friends and family cause they didn't understand my constant grief and sorrow, to drown out the pain i was self medicating myself with drugs and alchohol, thankfully i'm straight and sober for 6 years now but i'm still dealing with it. I dont want this for you so please get yourself some grief counceling.

Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on November 8, 2011 at 9:01am

I tried grief counseling.  I, too, have been on a downward spiral.  I just don't care about "friends" anymore with the exception of a select few.  I have a 6 year old who maqkes me want to survive this nightmare.  She is my grief support, even though, she doesn't even know it

 

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